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Echoen can’t protect me from that. Always looking over my shoulder after one of them threatened me, always nervously looking at every conbadge in case one of them showed up. They controlled me no matter how much I convinced myself I was over them. When real friends showed up, I forgot them and I was truly happy and enjoying myself and the con. The fursuits I never really wanted before, until that night, now I understand them. They are not a suit. My body is the suit and a fursuit would let me, Balros, come out and say hi and be seen. The guy inside the suit might be crying the whole time because he’s really being seen for the first time.

But, uh, I guess this is a start. I’m gonna need a lot of help and I’m gonna need help asking for help, but I don’t want to live like I have a dark hole in my heart anymore. They were my world and being abolished without a chance to say anything in my defence, without understand what was happening or -why-, it really messed me up. Even now I’m afraid of mentioning them openly or by name or giving public details, because I do not feel safe. They’re still around and pretty popular but are still hurting so many people, and making them feel like it’s that person’s fault for what happened. I want them to stop, but I need to stop blaming myself when their latest victim falls from their graces and is left friendless, depressed and ostracized. They’ll never take responsibility; maybe they can’t? They cannot forgive, they cannot heal. Maybe someday, but maybe someday I can stop taking responsibility for them, and stop being this… lifeboat following their floating shipwreck, picking up survivors, helping some get to safety and watching helplessly as others dive back into the ocean to try and swim after the wreck.

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art is  mr.pink