The time for Nina to give birth has come, but she still hasn't made up her mind about the choice Chitani gave her.
Here's the last part! LAST PART!
Thanks for reading this far! This was originally meant to be a shorter story, but I just wanted to go different places with it. I liked writing it, I hope you enjoyed it, as well.
Just wanna mention that kinkajou's are more closely related to raccoons than lemurs, but lemurs was a more accurate tag.
Leave me comments! I wanna know what you thought!
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6 JUNE
The days lately have been more stressful than the entire previous nine months leading up to it. In the same way that the Naragaka have a mating season around the same time every year, they also tend to have a birthing season following fairly regularly after. The village is buzzing with energy at all times as birthing cries sound out throughout the jungle. Though the pained shouts of other kinkajou mothers serve as an ominous omen of the labor that's to come, the cries of newborn children following them at least fill me with some comfort. After taking the time to count, I discovered today that I'm actually a week or two overdue. Taking into account this and the twinges of Braxton-Hicks I feel every so often, I can feel my time growing nearer.
I'm forbidden to do any work as labor grows closer, so I can simply wait at the hut quietly stroking my burdened stomach while other Naragaka come to wish me good luck. It's a kind gesture, but I only wish I could be as excited for the birth as they are. In fact, despite my aches and pains and overcrowded womb, I wished for nothing else than the twins to stay inside me just a little longer. Just enough time to come to a decision about Chitani's 'demands.'
For the first time in nine months, I feel homesick for the energizing streets of London, the clean classrooms of the university, of the old house in the suburbs that still smells like my mother in some untouched corners. London isn't just where I live, it's home. It's a part of me. It's what made me who I am today. My friends, my professors, my colleagues, every single one of them will assume me lost and dead in the rainforest somewhere. Perhaps they already do, in spite of all the life I'm currently filled with. I would never inflict that kind of pain on them. It would be like committing suicide to the ones I love. Betrayal.
And yet here's Davi, the man I love more completely than I've felt any emotion before, doting on me like the proud father he's about to be, rubbing my sore feet, soothing me with kind words and soft fingers, telling me all about the lives our children will live, his hands never too far away from caressing my tight and perfectly rounded belly to soothe his unborn children. I try not to grimace when he mentions seeing London with them. I haven't told him about what Chitani said to me. But when I look into his eyes, when I feel the stirrings of the twins, ever so eager to be born, I can no sooner leave them behind than I could my own arm. They aren't just family and we're connected by more than love. Davi and his children are me. They are the pieces that fill my broken shape to make me whole again. Losing them would break me. Leaving them willingly would destroy me. I have not yet known these babies kicking at my insides for even a year, and yet they mean more to me than my own life ever has.
I stopped writing for a moment to compose myself, to keep tears at bay so Davi doesn't notice. He's observant, however, and noticed my pain regardless. He assumed it was because of the impending birth and tried to dry my eyes with stories of Daaga's wisdom as a healer and a midwife. They were nonetheless reassuring, but not to the core of my feelings. But whatever feelings I had, I would not turn Chitani's own brother against her. The decision is mine to make and it will be mine to justify.
But God in heaven, why must I choose between the life I've had and the life that may be? What can I do? What can I say? I'm trapped in this village with my children still inside me, but at least that gives me time to think.
I was distracted from my thoughts by a commotion coming from around the corner. Just now a circle of tribeswomen and a few men bustled past making a panicked racket. They stopped at the insistence of one of them from the middle in front of our hut. The crowd parted, revealing a grimacing and panting Lalik, holding her belly from underneath with her arm. The dark fur of her legs was visibly wet. Despite her condition, she managed to smile and happily wave.
“It's happening!” She said excitedly. “It's happening, Nina! My time has come! I wish you luck with yours, my friend!” Lalik winced as another contraction hit and was forced to walk quickly and bow-legged by the surrounding crowd, each one chattering about taking her to Daaga's hut. I swallowed, the reality of the situation hitting me as I heard her pained gasps fading away. Any moment now, that could be me, my heavy body finally acting on its own, becoming one with nature in the most extreme way. I'll be giving birth within the week. I'm sure of it. And with that pain will come the joy of finally holding my babies in my arms. But with that joy will come the fear of indecision. No matter what I will gain, something dear will be lost to me. At least now I can still hold my twins close inside me.
I can barely think straight. My eyelids are already growing heavy. I'll ask Davi to help me inside to take a nap to regain some energy. I sorely wish we could have sex like we used to. Regardless, moping in my journal won't do me any good.
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It's happening it's happening Jesus Christ it's happening right now right now right now. I woke up from my nap to pain in my belly and all my muscles around my uterus spasmed at once like an electric shock. I tried to sit up but the pressure or something was too much and my water finally broke. It's soaked my legs and the wood of the hut but I can barely feel it right now through the pressure. I sent Davi running to go find Daaga but until he gets back I just have to wait on my own. I don't know what else to do so I started writing to distract my self from the
God damn it fuck fuck fuck it hurts it hurts like nothing else contractions are getting closer and closer I can feel the babies moving down I don't know what to do I don't know what to do Davi please come back please come back jesus christ I feel another one coming on and it's a big one what am I going to do what am I going to do i'm giving birth in the middle of the jungle what the hell was I thinking
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It's been hours since I had the energy to pick up this notebook. I've never had aspirations for journalism, but it's important to tell my story as close to the events as possible. I want to tell the truth how it happened to better remember in the future. For both myself and those who come after.
For what felt like hours, I suffered through my labor in agony, waves of pain and pressure coming over me bursts. It's against my nature to scream, so I simply gritted my teeth and rode my contractions through as best I could. I shifted from the sleeping mat onto my back, staring at the ceiling with my struggling belly looming above me. I tried to breathe steadily, but couldn't help but hold my breath as contractions came closer and closer together. I couldn't believe how fast it was moving. I could feel one of the twins shifting in my womb and sliding down, toward my birth canal. My uterine muscles contracted beneath my fingers, my belly visibly tightening as contractions struck. I writhed my tail like a dying snake, kicking up dust from the floor. It was the only thing I could move comfortably.
After another contraction, I heard the sound of shuffling footsteps approaching, far more than I expected. I heard the sound of the cloth being thrown over the doorway, but couldn't look around my enormous stomach to see. Still staring at the ceiling, Chitani came into my vision, looking down with concern.
“Chitani...” I breathed. “Wh-Where is Davi?” The Naragaka language came as easily to me as my own labor. I could barely concentrate to remember the words I so desperately needed. Truth be told, I was not very happy to see her. She evidently knew this as she let out a dejected sigh.
“He's coming, sister,” she said, moving behind me. I tried to crane my neck to follow her movement, but it was too difficult while staying in one place. I was immobilized under my belly, my arms wrapped around it like I was pinned under a huge furry boulder. “He's with Daaga. She is still busy attending to Lalik.” I listened intently as she gathered straw and mats and cloth from a small storage nook behind our sleeping area. I felt her strong arms lift me up by the shoulders and winced as my sensitive belly was jostled. “The head was out, last I saw. The baby has beautiful green eyes.”
Chitani shoved a pile of leaves, soft bags, and rolled up cloth beneath my back to prop me up. Once I could see over the dome of my twitching stomach, I jumped at the sight of nearly a dozen Naragaka standing in the doorway and watching with rapt attention. I crossed my legs as best I could to keep my modesty intact, blushing deeply beneath my fur.
“What- What are they doing here?!” I spluttered. Chitani glanced at me puzzled, then nodded her head in understanding.
“All Naragaka are invited to witness a birth,” she explained. “It's a great spiritual moment for both the mother and the tribe. And with you birthing twins...” Chitani shrugged. “I'm sorry to say you'll be very popular this afternoon.”
Before I had a chance to argue, another contraction suddenly hit me, this one more powerful than the last. I clenched my teeth hard enough to nearly break them and groaned from deep in my throat. I managed to find Chitani's hand and gripped it with hand strength I never knew I had. If it weren't for Chitani's muscles, I believe I could have broken a few of her fingers. My other hand clenched a ball of fur on my belly while Chitani made soothing noises and rubbed my stomach in an attempt to ease the pain.
As the contraction faded, I noticed a bustle of commotion at the crowd gathered around the door. Knocking a few tribesmen out of the way, Davi literally burst into the hut and leapt over the fire pit to land at my side, Chitani backing away to take my hand. I could see his heart pounding in his chest and his breath was oddly soothing. He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it over and over again.
“Daaga is on her way,” he said, relieved. “Lalik has given birth, she and the baby are fine.”
“Ohhhh...” I breathed, letting my head fall back with a dim smile on my face. “Good...good...is it a boy or a girl?”
“A girl.”
“Oh no...” I muttered, laughing. “She was...so sure it was a-” My eyes went wide as another contraction came, letting out a choked gasp as it came. I felt a burning, stabbing sensation deep inside as my body pushed the babies even farther down. I could feel them stirring somewhere toward the bottom of my womb. I gripped Davi's hand, who bit his lip to keep from crying out at the vice I had over his fingers. It finally subsided, feeling far longer than even the one before. I fell back onto the makeshift bed Chitani had made, panting and kneading my sore belly with my free hand.
“Are you alright, Nina?” Davi asked.
“No.” I turned to look at him and smiled weakly. “Don't you think one child would have been enough, Davi?”
“Of course not,” he said, leaning in to kiss me.
We turned toward another commotion outside. The crowd, which had grown even larger and begun to spill into the hut, parted respectfully for Daaga to enter, walking more quickly than I had ever seen the old woman move. She was followed behind by a young girl, carrying a large pot with a top on it.
“Don't be shy, child,” Daaga said, grabbing my ankles and splaying my legs apart. “Your twins won't come out of your mouth, will they?” She dropped a pillow on the ground so she could kneel before my vagina, dropping out of sight beneath my belly. “You look healthy so far. No cause for alarm.” She stood and dug into the bag she had slung over her arm. She tossed two long cuts of rope to Davi and Chitani and pointed to a spot on the floor next to my arms.
“Tie those around the logs,” she said, making a looping motion with her fingers. Davi stared dimly at the rope, not quite sure what to do with it. Chitani quickly dropped to my left side, looping the rope around the log plank beneath me and tieing it off. She took my hand off the floor and wrapped my fingers around the rope, indicating it as a handhold. Davi nodded and did the same beside my right arm.
Meanwhile, beneath my belly, Daaga pulled a small clay pot from her bag and stirred the contents with her finger. It resembled some kind of green, gritty mud or paste with flecks of ground berry in it. She spread it over her fingers and leaned in to paint the outer edges of my vagina with it, prodding a few inches inside as well. I felt a cold tingling sensation around the area that ended with my flesh going almost completely numb. I could still feel Daaga's fingers against the sensitive nerves, but it was dulled to a mere impression. Calling over the girl with the pot, she dunked her hands in the water to wash off the paste, then shook them dry. Daaga knelt on the pillow again and I could just barely feel her fingers pulling apart the folds of my labia to look inside.
“How often is your tightening?” She asked. “Do you feel any coming?”
“I...I don't know...” I paused, panting, before a pressure began to build up inside me. “Yes...Yes! Right now!” I gripped both of the rope handholds and rode another wave of pain and pressure.
“Breathe, girl!” Daaga shouted. “You are not an insect! Breathe!”
Beneath the intoxicating pain of labor, I took a deep breath, carefully focusing as I breathed in and out as hard as I could. It didn't do much, but it was enough to offer some relief as I wasn't fighting against the contractions anymore.
“Can I push yet!?” I groaned, the contraction dying away.
“Not yet, Nina,” Daaga said. I felt a finger prodding deep inside me, measuring with two fingers the size of my birth canal. “Almost, but not yet.” She chuckled, peeking over my stomach to give me a coy look. “What makes your children in such a hurry? You'll be done by dinnertime, at least.”
I leaned back, taking advantage of the moment of relief to relax all my muscles. Davi stroked the hair out of my face and leaned in close.
“You can do it, Nina,” he said in Portuguese. “You are so strong, stronger than any woman I have ever known. This will be easy for you. You could birth a hundred of our children, if you wanted.”
“I don't think I want to test that, Davi,” I responded.
“You left your home a thousand kilometers away,” he said soothingly, smoothing down my hair while rubbing the upper swell of my stomach. “To live here with us. With me. Not anyone could do that, Nina. But thousands of women give birth every day, all around the world. This will be easy for you. All you have to do is listen to your instinct and your body will do the rest.”
“That's harder than you think, brother,” Chitani chimed in.
“You're ready!” Daaga shouted, patting my belly above her like a mechanic would pat a car he was working on. “When you feel a tightening, push as hard as you can!”
“Oh my God,” I said, speaking the first English I had in months. “Oh my God, oh my God, it's happening, it's really fucking happening, isn't it? I'm having a baby, I'm really having a fucking baby!”
Chitani and Davi glanced at one another, confused at my outburst in a language neither of them understood. I felt another contraction coming, signaling my three helpers with a burst of controlled breathing as I gripped the ropes at my sides. Instead of riding out the pain as it reached its peak, I pushed with all my strength and with muscles I didn't even know I had. It was pure instinct that I knew what to do in the first place. Curiously, the pain of the contraction lifted as I pushed, but was replaced with an incredible surge of pressure. I kept up the breathing as best I could until I felt the form of one of the children begin to slip into my birth canal.
“FUCK FUCK GOD DAMN IT SHIT BASTARD FUCKING BASTARD FUCK JESUS CHRIST!” I swore more in two minutes than I probably had the entire previous year. Daaga looked up confusedly at Chitani, who shook her head and shrugged. Davi, meanwhile, cleared his throat and blushed, as I had taught him every swear word I knew back when we were teenagers.
“It will be coming faster, Nina,” Daaga said, kneeling back down. “You must be ready. Do you need anything?”
“Water!” I gasped, fighting to remember one of the first Naragakan words I'd ever learned. The girl approached with the clay pot Daaga had washed her hands in. I grimaced and waved it away. “Different water!”
“One of you!” Daaga shouted to the crowd outside the door. “Make yourselves useful! Go get her some clean water!” Taking a moment to glance at one another and bicker, a couple of young kinkajou boys skittered off to one of the wells near the village center.
“You're doing amazingly, my love,” Davi whispered in my ear. “Just imagine when it's over. You'll finally have our children in your arms. You can feed them with your own milk. You'll be their mother forever and ever, no matter what.” He kissed me again, his lips against mine breathing life back into my exhausted body. “They'll love you for the rest of their lives and they'll do wonderful things. Incredible things. They could change the world if they wanted to. You could teach them about the world, everything about London, about Brazil, about your mother and father. They'll go to school and learn about the world. They'll live incredible, amazing lives and it will all begin with you, Nina. It all begins today.”
Perhaps it was simply the flood of hormones in my brain, but Davi had said exactly what I'd needed to hear. I cried and pulled him in to kiss me again, barely even feeling my throbbing and sore body.
“...Or you could teach them to climb the trees,” Chitani added, in a similar vein. She leaned in closer to my other ear. “We'll all show them the wonders of the forest, teach them the ways of the Naragaka. If there's a boy, we could teach him to hunt and to explore. If there's a girl, we could teach her to make a home for herself one day. The village holds so many wonders for them to discover. And you could tell them so much, Nina. You'll make a wonderful mother, I know you will.”
I stared at Chitani, the context of what she said lost on Davi, who simply smiled and nodded in agreement. I glanced at him, the soft and kind kinkajou man that had stolen my love the moment I'd seen him all those years ago. The father of my children, still yet to be born. He smiled with the boundless energy he'd always had, the picture of happiness I imagined in my dreams. But his smile faded away as he saw my tears begin again, my face distraught with renewed sadness about giving him up. About leaving him and my children behind. A pain he couldn't understand.
I felt another contraction coming along and braced myself against the handholds. I felt the baby slip even farther down my body, the second following closely behind. I thought I could feel something pressing against the inner walls of my sex, but it was too numb to tell for sure. But my energy was only physical. So much did I wish to go on with my pregnancy forever, the limbo between choices to stay with my happiness. Before I decided which part of my heart would be cut out before me. I pushed again, screaming in earnest this time, crying out with the pain and the pressure, but also with the unbearable sadness and hopelessness.
“Don't make me choose!” I screamed to Chitani, looking into her eyes to beg, my own growing bloodshot with tears. “Don't take them away from me, don't make me choose!” I made a final push against the shape inside me before the contraction went away and left me panting and sobbing uncontrollably. “I can't….I can't do it...I won't choose...”
“Nina?” Davi asked, smoothing my hair back. He glanced up at his sister, the ghost of anger on his face. “...What does she mean, Chitani?”
“...She...” Chitani stammered, glancing between myself and Davi. “She...she's upset! She's in the middle of labor, Davi!”
“What did you tell her, Chitani?” Davi growled, already more angry than I'd ever seen him.
“We are not having this conversation now,” Chitani scoffed, shaking her head.
“What did you say to Nina?” Davi was almost shouting.
“It doesn't matter!” she yelled. “Your mate is giving birth, Davi! Pay attention to her!” She stood up and stepped away. “Those boys are taking too long with the water. I'll get it myself.”
“What did she say?” Davi asked me between my sobbing. He wiped tears from my face, talking to me in a soothing voice. “Did my sister threaten you?”
“I...She...” I wanted so badly to say something, to beg for his help, but I didn't want to incite him against his own sister. But as the stress of my labor bore down on me, I couldn't keep it inside of me. “...She told me...that I can't leave the village...or I'll have to leave you and the babies behind...She says you'll die if you leave...that you could get sick...she...Please, don't be angry.”
It was too late. Davi glowered, more furious than I even thought he had the capacity to be. Clenching his fists, he stood and marched across the hut toward his retreating sister. The crowd outside parted, leaving space for the two in the middle. Davi grabbed Chitani by the shoulder and roughly spun her to face him.
“You lied to her!” She shouted, jamming a finger into her chest. “You were going to make Nina choose between her children and her home? What were you thinking, Chitani?!”
“Your mate is in there giving birth to your children!” Chitani shouted, pointing inside the hut. “You should be in there with her, not out here arguing with me!”
“You don't control my life, Chitani!” Davi yelled. “You are not the one to make our decisions for us!”
“This is absurd! This has nothing to do with you-”
“This has everything to do with me!” Davi had begun to rage, the circle of Naragaka backing up from him. “You know you can't control me like you used to, so you tried get to me through Nina! Through my mate! The mother of my children! You lied to her, scared her to tears, making her think that she would have to give up her own babies to go back home, just as an excuse to keep me here! You cannot choke me to protect me, Chitani! Not anymore!”
“You're all I have left!” Chitani screamed, her voice breaking as it echoed through the village. She shook wildly, like a tree in a thunderstorm, her composure completely destroyed. “My mother is dead, my father is dead, my...my child is dead. You and those children are all I have left!” Chitani clenched her teeth, her eyes wide in mad desperation. “And I will not lose you, too!”
Those last words seemed to sap the energy from her body. Chitani's shoulders grew slack as her arms drooped to her side. She stumbled weakly, a few hands of the watching crowd catching her and keeping her on her feet. Davi's anger seemed to fade as quickly as it arrived, but he did not move to help his sister, either.
Suddenly, in the midst of the argument, I felt a sudden pang of pressure inside me. I had nearly forgotten my labor, if that was even possible. It was like watching a wave approaching from far away, as it loomed ever larger, knowing before it broke how large it would be. My next contraction would be big.
“Davi!” I yelled, bracing myself against the rope ties. “They're coming!”
He glanced between his sister and I, lingering on her for a moment, before striding back inside. The crowd filled in the space to watch, swallowing Chitani behind a wall of wide-eyed Naragaka. By the time Davi had come next to me, I was already pushing. I seemed to press harder and harder by the second, feeling something inconceivably large moving down inside me. With one last push, I felt a stretching sensation between my legs as something began to emerge. In the instant between that contraction and the last, I leaned forward as best I could and probed with my fingers. Between the folds of my labia was a soft, wet, furry ball just large enough to spread me open to what I thought were my limits.
“A head!” I breathed in amazement. I tried not to touch it too much, for fear of hurting myself or the baby. But it was euphoric just to be able to actually touch my baby for the first time. I smiled, laughing weakly through the pain. “It's a head!”
“You're doing well, Nina,” Daaga said, soothingly. “The first one is almost out. I'm here to help you. Just push when you feel the need. This next one should do it.”
I nodded, too tired to answer, and gritted my teeth. Looking up at the ceiling for focus and holding onto the ropes. When I felt the contraction come, I wasted no time in pushing with every ounce of strength in my body. I pushed and pushed and pushed until I felt like my head were about to pop like a balloon. As I did, I felt Daaga's deft and experienced hands slip inside me and turn the baby just enough for their shoulders to slip through and out my birth canal. It was such a strange sensation to feel such an enormous mass be suddenly removed from my body, but it was just as strange to feel the baby's long kinkajou tail slide out behind it, slipping out like I was giving birth to a snake.
But all the pain vanished to be replaced with sheer bliss the first time I heard the baby cry from across the room. The crowd outside cheered and clapped, someone even beginning to play drums. Davi dropped down next to Daaga and took the tiny, mewling baby into his arms, cradling it so gently it was as if he were barely touching it. Its fur was wet with amniotic fluid, the umbilical cord still connected to me. But finally seeing the baby I had been imagining for nine long and challenging months made every single second of hardship worth it. Davi crouched down next to me, showing me the baby kinkajou he and I had made together.
“A girl...” he whispered. “A little girl...” I was too weak to hold her, but I raised an amazed finger to the little squirming creature. She grabbed my finger, just for an instant. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Her long tail, still matted and wet, wrapped around my outstretched arm and my heart instantly melted.
“I...It's...she...” I breathed, trying to find the words to say. Instead, I only came up with one. “Charlotte.”
As if on cue, another contraction wracked my body, sending a new wave of pain and pressure through me while very clearly reminding me there was yet another baby to give birth to. Davi stepped away with Charlotte, cradling her in his arms like he'd been doing it his entire life. I gripped the ropes, trying to summon whatever energy was left, and began to push again with all the effort I had left. After three more contractions and a lifetime's worth of pained screams, the second baby was in Daaga's arms, as healthy and whole as the first.
“A boy!” Daaga said, laughing. “One of each!” The crowd at the doorway exploded into cheers and shouts that I barely registered over the sound of the twins' soft crying. Daaga tied off their umbilical cords and cut them with a geode expertly sharpened into a blade. She and Davi handed the children to me, finally letting me hold both of them in my arms, tucked into the crooks of my elbows. Charlotte in my right arm continued to wail and angrily kick her tiny legs, but Rami in my left arm had quieted his crying and opened his eyes slightly to peer curiously around the room.
“This is the best moment of my life,” I said in English. I was right.
But something was still wrong. As I cradled the babies to my body, I motioned Davi closer.
“Bring Chitani,” I whispered. Davi frowned, a confused expression appearing on his face. I simply nodded. He sighed, stepping away from me and the twins to go out into the crowd. Meanwhile, Rami's weak little hand pawed at the side of my breast, still underneath my top. I was curious to try feeding them soon, wondering what the sensation would be like. Charlotte's crying had finally started to die down and she whipped her tail around beneath her, tapping herself in the face with it a few times.
Slowly, Chitani came inside and moved beside me, sitting on the edge of our sleeping area with her back to me. It took a few callings of her name to convince her to turn around, which revealed her eyes to be red and puffy. I nearly cried, myself, at the sight of one of the strongest women I have ever known reduced to such despair. Instead I smiled warmly, shifting the twins in my arms for emphasis.
“This is Charlotte,” I said, referring to the baby in my right arm. “Your niece.” I nodded to the baby in my left arm. “And this is Rami. Your nephew.” Her ears flicked at the sound of the name as she turned.
“Rami?” she repeated. “The name of...” Chitani trailed off, staring at the little kinkajou like he was a fallen star. He stared right back at her, his eyes barely open enough to glimpse his blue-green eyes.
“Do you want to hold him?” I asked. Chitani blinked, as if the thought had never crossed her mind.
“...Can I?” She said in disbelief. I smiled, beckoning her closer with my hand. She approached and gingerly, carefully, took my son from my arm. He squirmed a bit at being moved, but became still again as Chitani cradled him, the two gazing into one another's eyes like they had known each other for years. It's presumptuous, and totally unscientific, but I believed I could feel Chitani's pain healing inside of her as she held her nephew.
“Chitani,” I whispered. “I won't choose between family and my home. Not when we can have both. No matter where we go, what we do, or what happens, we will always be your family. And you will always be ours.” I smiled warmly. “I will always be proud to call you my sister.”
She said nothing, merely let more tears come to her eyes and nodded, looking down at my son and forming a connection between them that I know will never, ever be broken.
Looking at my children, my lover, my friends, my new home, and the crowd of strangers outside, I found myself suddenly wondering at why I ever doubted who I was. The answer was always so many things all at once. But one stands above the others.
More than being a Naragaka.
More than being an Englishwoman.
More than being a kinkajou.
More than even being a woman.
I am a Mother.
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Dr. Gordan waited patiently near the cafe in the Brasilia square, but on the inside, he was hopelessly anxious. Nina had been gone for a full year now, off living in the rainforest among a hidden tribe no one knew the location of. She was completely without contact for the entire time. Their only hope would be that Davi arrived in the city on time for his annual appointment for them to at least ask about her fate.
Waiting alongside him was Cornelius, reading through an old notebook of the professor's, and Nichelle, who had elected to come along on this trip. Sarah's decidedly lukewarm experience of Brazil had kept her back home. Dr. Gordan hadn't told anyone, not even his colleges and especially not the school board, about Nina's plan. If absolutely nothing else, he was eager to learn how she fared. If he ever saw her again, of course.
A group of locals passed them, speaking quickly and excitedly in Portuguese, leaving the professor and his assistants to wait patiently for a sign of hope.
“...Dr. Gordan?” said a heavily accented voice. The schnauzer glanced up and nearly leapt bodily into the air when he recognized none other than Nina standing in front of him, a three-month old kinkajou infant in her arm. She beamed as he finally recognized her, but he at least had an excuse why he didn't. She wore a very traditional tribal shawl and loincloth that showed the immense change that had overcome her body. She was thicker, with wider hips and a slightly larger bust, her hair wild and flowing over her shoulders instead of bound into a ponytail. Nina had always been a timid and nervous girl from the professor's perspective, but her demeanor had completely changed. She was calmer, more serene, a confidence of self radiating from her. She laughed at Dr. Gordan's dumbfounded look.
“It's good to see you to, professor,” Nina said. “I'm sorry if my English is rusty. I haven't been using it much lately.” She shifted the baby in her arm, who had his tail wrapped around her waist and one of his hands in his mouth as he stared wide-eyed around the town square.
“Nina!” Dr. Gordan cried out. He dropped his bag and shuffled over, embracing his favorite student in a one-armed hug that delighted her but irritated her son. He tried to fight back relieved tears. “We thought you were dead! Or...we were afraid that...”
He trailed off at the sight of Nina's laughter.
“No such luck, professor. Davi took good care of me.” She glanced over her shoulder to find indicate Davi approaching, holding yet another kinkajou baby in his arms, though more awkwardly than Nina did. Behind him followed along a stern, harsh-eyed tribeswoman.
“Nina?” Nichelle asked, approaching her like she was a fragile work of art. She glanced between her and the baby in her arms and asked, “What happened?”
“I just had a baby or two,” Nina shrugged coyly. “Not a big deal.”
“I can barely believe you're alive! You were gone for so long, and there was no hope of even looking...”
“No, there wasn't. The village is so many kilometers away from here and completely hidden. You wouldn't have had a chance.”
“So you saw it!?” Dr. Gordan asked, excitedly. “Y-you went to the Naragaka village?”
“I went to the Naragaka village,” Nina nodded before continuing. “I fell in love and mated with a Naragaka tribesmen, I had two fantastic Naragaka babies, and I became an honorary Naragaka myself.” She sighed and shook her head. “It was hard to convince the tribe elders to let us come back here, but we explained that it was in the best interest of the tribe.”
“What was it like? Can you tell me about it?” Dr. Gordan asked excitedly.
“I'll do even better,” Nina said. She slung a handmade bag over her shoulder and rummaged around in it with her free hand. From inside, she produced the four notebooks the professor had bought her before they left, except they were muddy, dirty, water-stained, and almost completely filled in back-to-front with Nina's handwriting.
“That, professor, is my dissertation,” she explained. Nina hefted her son higher up and kissed him on the cheek while gesturing to the baby Davi held. “And these two are my thesis.”
Dr. Gordan held the notebooks in his limp hand, completely dumbstruck. Davi walked up to Nina's side, where they held their free hands together and entwined their tails around one another.
“If you don't mind, then, Dr. Gordan, I believe we'll be taking the next flight back to London. I'm looking forward to showing my new family around home.” Nina turned and looked over her shoulder, pointing to the angry-looking woman standing and tapping her feet in the dirt. “That's my sister-in-law Chitani. She's going to be the village's liaison and talk directly to you. It's slow going, but I think the Naragaka are starting to consider outside trading. But only through trust.”
Chitani approached, glowering at the group of 'outsiders.'
“I hope I like you all even half as much as I like Nina,” she said in Portuguese. “And that's saying a lot.
“Look! You're getting along already!” Nina laughed. Davi whispered something in her ear, leaving Nina to laugh. “Alright, I think it's about time for us to head home.
“I can't wait to finally have a family of my own.”
Here's the last part! LAST PART!
Thanks for reading this far! This was originally meant to be a shorter story, but I just wanted to go different places with it. I liked writing it, I hope you enjoyed it, as well.
Just wanna mention that kinkajou's are more closely related to raccoons than lemurs, but lemurs was a more accurate tag.
Leave me comments! I wanna know what you thought!
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6 JUNE
The days lately have been more stressful than the entire previous nine months leading up to it. In the same way that the Naragaka have a mating season around the same time every year, they also tend to have a birthing season following fairly regularly after. The village is buzzing with energy at all times as birthing cries sound out throughout the jungle. Though the pained shouts of other kinkajou mothers serve as an ominous omen of the labor that's to come, the cries of newborn children following them at least fill me with some comfort. After taking the time to count, I discovered today that I'm actually a week or two overdue. Taking into account this and the twinges of Braxton-Hicks I feel every so often, I can feel my time growing nearer.
I'm forbidden to do any work as labor grows closer, so I can simply wait at the hut quietly stroking my burdened stomach while other Naragaka come to wish me good luck. It's a kind gesture, but I only wish I could be as excited for the birth as they are. In fact, despite my aches and pains and overcrowded womb, I wished for nothing else than the twins to stay inside me just a little longer. Just enough time to come to a decision about Chitani's 'demands.'
For the first time in nine months, I feel homesick for the energizing streets of London, the clean classrooms of the university, of the old house in the suburbs that still smells like my mother in some untouched corners. London isn't just where I live, it's home. It's a part of me. It's what made me who I am today. My friends, my professors, my colleagues, every single one of them will assume me lost and dead in the rainforest somewhere. Perhaps they already do, in spite of all the life I'm currently filled with. I would never inflict that kind of pain on them. It would be like committing suicide to the ones I love. Betrayal.
And yet here's Davi, the man I love more completely than I've felt any emotion before, doting on me like the proud father he's about to be, rubbing my sore feet, soothing me with kind words and soft fingers, telling me all about the lives our children will live, his hands never too far away from caressing my tight and perfectly rounded belly to soothe his unborn children. I try not to grimace when he mentions seeing London with them. I haven't told him about what Chitani said to me. But when I look into his eyes, when I feel the stirrings of the twins, ever so eager to be born, I can no sooner leave them behind than I could my own arm. They aren't just family and we're connected by more than love. Davi and his children are me. They are the pieces that fill my broken shape to make me whole again. Losing them would break me. Leaving them willingly would destroy me. I have not yet known these babies kicking at my insides for even a year, and yet they mean more to me than my own life ever has.
I stopped writing for a moment to compose myself, to keep tears at bay so Davi doesn't notice. He's observant, however, and noticed my pain regardless. He assumed it was because of the impending birth and tried to dry my eyes with stories of Daaga's wisdom as a healer and a midwife. They were nonetheless reassuring, but not to the core of my feelings. But whatever feelings I had, I would not turn Chitani's own brother against her. The decision is mine to make and it will be mine to justify.
But God in heaven, why must I choose between the life I've had and the life that may be? What can I do? What can I say? I'm trapped in this village with my children still inside me, but at least that gives me time to think.
I was distracted from my thoughts by a commotion coming from around the corner. Just now a circle of tribeswomen and a few men bustled past making a panicked racket. They stopped at the insistence of one of them from the middle in front of our hut. The crowd parted, revealing a grimacing and panting Lalik, holding her belly from underneath with her arm. The dark fur of her legs was visibly wet. Despite her condition, she managed to smile and happily wave.
“It's happening!” She said excitedly. “It's happening, Nina! My time has come! I wish you luck with yours, my friend!” Lalik winced as another contraction hit and was forced to walk quickly and bow-legged by the surrounding crowd, each one chattering about taking her to Daaga's hut. I swallowed, the reality of the situation hitting me as I heard her pained gasps fading away. Any moment now, that could be me, my heavy body finally acting on its own, becoming one with nature in the most extreme way. I'll be giving birth within the week. I'm sure of it. And with that pain will come the joy of finally holding my babies in my arms. But with that joy will come the fear of indecision. No matter what I will gain, something dear will be lost to me. At least now I can still hold my twins close inside me.
I can barely think straight. My eyelids are already growing heavy. I'll ask Davi to help me inside to take a nap to regain some energy. I sorely wish we could have sex like we used to. Regardless, moping in my journal won't do me any good.
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It's happening it's happening Jesus Christ it's happening right now right now right now. I woke up from my nap to pain in my belly and all my muscles around my uterus spasmed at once like an electric shock. I tried to sit up but the pressure or something was too much and my water finally broke. It's soaked my legs and the wood of the hut but I can barely feel it right now through the pressure. I sent Davi running to go find Daaga but until he gets back I just have to wait on my own. I don't know what else to do so I started writing to distract my self from the
God damn it fuck fuck fuck it hurts it hurts like nothing else contractions are getting closer and closer I can feel the babies moving down I don't know what to do I don't know what to do Davi please come back please come back jesus christ I feel another one coming on and it's a big one what am I going to do what am I going to do i'm giving birth in the middle of the jungle what the hell was I thinking
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It's been hours since I had the energy to pick up this notebook. I've never had aspirations for journalism, but it's important to tell my story as close to the events as possible. I want to tell the truth how it happened to better remember in the future. For both myself and those who come after.
For what felt like hours, I suffered through my labor in agony, waves of pain and pressure coming over me bursts. It's against my nature to scream, so I simply gritted my teeth and rode my contractions through as best I could. I shifted from the sleeping mat onto my back, staring at the ceiling with my struggling belly looming above me. I tried to breathe steadily, but couldn't help but hold my breath as contractions came closer and closer together. I couldn't believe how fast it was moving. I could feel one of the twins shifting in my womb and sliding down, toward my birth canal. My uterine muscles contracted beneath my fingers, my belly visibly tightening as contractions struck. I writhed my tail like a dying snake, kicking up dust from the floor. It was the only thing I could move comfortably.
After another contraction, I heard the sound of shuffling footsteps approaching, far more than I expected. I heard the sound of the cloth being thrown over the doorway, but couldn't look around my enormous stomach to see. Still staring at the ceiling, Chitani came into my vision, looking down with concern.
“Chitani...” I breathed. “Wh-Where is Davi?” The Naragaka language came as easily to me as my own labor. I could barely concentrate to remember the words I so desperately needed. Truth be told, I was not very happy to see her. She evidently knew this as she let out a dejected sigh.
“He's coming, sister,” she said, moving behind me. I tried to crane my neck to follow her movement, but it was too difficult while staying in one place. I was immobilized under my belly, my arms wrapped around it like I was pinned under a huge furry boulder. “He's with Daaga. She is still busy attending to Lalik.” I listened intently as she gathered straw and mats and cloth from a small storage nook behind our sleeping area. I felt her strong arms lift me up by the shoulders and winced as my sensitive belly was jostled. “The head was out, last I saw. The baby has beautiful green eyes.”
Chitani shoved a pile of leaves, soft bags, and rolled up cloth beneath my back to prop me up. Once I could see over the dome of my twitching stomach, I jumped at the sight of nearly a dozen Naragaka standing in the doorway and watching with rapt attention. I crossed my legs as best I could to keep my modesty intact, blushing deeply beneath my fur.
“What- What are they doing here?!” I spluttered. Chitani glanced at me puzzled, then nodded her head in understanding.
“All Naragaka are invited to witness a birth,” she explained. “It's a great spiritual moment for both the mother and the tribe. And with you birthing twins...” Chitani shrugged. “I'm sorry to say you'll be very popular this afternoon.”
Before I had a chance to argue, another contraction suddenly hit me, this one more powerful than the last. I clenched my teeth hard enough to nearly break them and groaned from deep in my throat. I managed to find Chitani's hand and gripped it with hand strength I never knew I had. If it weren't for Chitani's muscles, I believe I could have broken a few of her fingers. My other hand clenched a ball of fur on my belly while Chitani made soothing noises and rubbed my stomach in an attempt to ease the pain.
As the contraction faded, I noticed a bustle of commotion at the crowd gathered around the door. Knocking a few tribesmen out of the way, Davi literally burst into the hut and leapt over the fire pit to land at my side, Chitani backing away to take my hand. I could see his heart pounding in his chest and his breath was oddly soothing. He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it over and over again.
“Daaga is on her way,” he said, relieved. “Lalik has given birth, she and the baby are fine.”
“Ohhhh...” I breathed, letting my head fall back with a dim smile on my face. “Good...good...is it a boy or a girl?”
“A girl.”
“Oh no...” I muttered, laughing. “She was...so sure it was a-” My eyes went wide as another contraction came, letting out a choked gasp as it came. I felt a burning, stabbing sensation deep inside as my body pushed the babies even farther down. I could feel them stirring somewhere toward the bottom of my womb. I gripped Davi's hand, who bit his lip to keep from crying out at the vice I had over his fingers. It finally subsided, feeling far longer than even the one before. I fell back onto the makeshift bed Chitani had made, panting and kneading my sore belly with my free hand.
“Are you alright, Nina?” Davi asked.
“No.” I turned to look at him and smiled weakly. “Don't you think one child would have been enough, Davi?”
“Of course not,” he said, leaning in to kiss me.
We turned toward another commotion outside. The crowd, which had grown even larger and begun to spill into the hut, parted respectfully for Daaga to enter, walking more quickly than I had ever seen the old woman move. She was followed behind by a young girl, carrying a large pot with a top on it.
“Don't be shy, child,” Daaga said, grabbing my ankles and splaying my legs apart. “Your twins won't come out of your mouth, will they?” She dropped a pillow on the ground so she could kneel before my vagina, dropping out of sight beneath my belly. “You look healthy so far. No cause for alarm.” She stood and dug into the bag she had slung over her arm. She tossed two long cuts of rope to Davi and Chitani and pointed to a spot on the floor next to my arms.
“Tie those around the logs,” she said, making a looping motion with her fingers. Davi stared dimly at the rope, not quite sure what to do with it. Chitani quickly dropped to my left side, looping the rope around the log plank beneath me and tieing it off. She took my hand off the floor and wrapped my fingers around the rope, indicating it as a handhold. Davi nodded and did the same beside my right arm.
Meanwhile, beneath my belly, Daaga pulled a small clay pot from her bag and stirred the contents with her finger. It resembled some kind of green, gritty mud or paste with flecks of ground berry in it. She spread it over her fingers and leaned in to paint the outer edges of my vagina with it, prodding a few inches inside as well. I felt a cold tingling sensation around the area that ended with my flesh going almost completely numb. I could still feel Daaga's fingers against the sensitive nerves, but it was dulled to a mere impression. Calling over the girl with the pot, she dunked her hands in the water to wash off the paste, then shook them dry. Daaga knelt on the pillow again and I could just barely feel her fingers pulling apart the folds of my labia to look inside.
“How often is your tightening?” She asked. “Do you feel any coming?”
“I...I don't know...” I paused, panting, before a pressure began to build up inside me. “Yes...Yes! Right now!” I gripped both of the rope handholds and rode another wave of pain and pressure.
“Breathe, girl!” Daaga shouted. “You are not an insect! Breathe!”
Beneath the intoxicating pain of labor, I took a deep breath, carefully focusing as I breathed in and out as hard as I could. It didn't do much, but it was enough to offer some relief as I wasn't fighting against the contractions anymore.
“Can I push yet!?” I groaned, the contraction dying away.
“Not yet, Nina,” Daaga said. I felt a finger prodding deep inside me, measuring with two fingers the size of my birth canal. “Almost, but not yet.” She chuckled, peeking over my stomach to give me a coy look. “What makes your children in such a hurry? You'll be done by dinnertime, at least.”
I leaned back, taking advantage of the moment of relief to relax all my muscles. Davi stroked the hair out of my face and leaned in close.
“You can do it, Nina,” he said in Portuguese. “You are so strong, stronger than any woman I have ever known. This will be easy for you. You could birth a hundred of our children, if you wanted.”
“I don't think I want to test that, Davi,” I responded.
“You left your home a thousand kilometers away,” he said soothingly, smoothing down my hair while rubbing the upper swell of my stomach. “To live here with us. With me. Not anyone could do that, Nina. But thousands of women give birth every day, all around the world. This will be easy for you. All you have to do is listen to your instinct and your body will do the rest.”
“That's harder than you think, brother,” Chitani chimed in.
“You're ready!” Daaga shouted, patting my belly above her like a mechanic would pat a car he was working on. “When you feel a tightening, push as hard as you can!”
“Oh my God,” I said, speaking the first English I had in months. “Oh my God, oh my God, it's happening, it's really fucking happening, isn't it? I'm having a baby, I'm really having a fucking baby!”
Chitani and Davi glanced at one another, confused at my outburst in a language neither of them understood. I felt another contraction coming, signaling my three helpers with a burst of controlled breathing as I gripped the ropes at my sides. Instead of riding out the pain as it reached its peak, I pushed with all my strength and with muscles I didn't even know I had. It was pure instinct that I knew what to do in the first place. Curiously, the pain of the contraction lifted as I pushed, but was replaced with an incredible surge of pressure. I kept up the breathing as best I could until I felt the form of one of the children begin to slip into my birth canal.
“FUCK FUCK GOD DAMN IT SHIT BASTARD FUCKING BASTARD FUCK JESUS CHRIST!” I swore more in two minutes than I probably had the entire previous year. Daaga looked up confusedly at Chitani, who shook her head and shrugged. Davi, meanwhile, cleared his throat and blushed, as I had taught him every swear word I knew back when we were teenagers.
“It will be coming faster, Nina,” Daaga said, kneeling back down. “You must be ready. Do you need anything?”
“Water!” I gasped, fighting to remember one of the first Naragakan words I'd ever learned. The girl approached with the clay pot Daaga had washed her hands in. I grimaced and waved it away. “Different water!”
“One of you!” Daaga shouted to the crowd outside the door. “Make yourselves useful! Go get her some clean water!” Taking a moment to glance at one another and bicker, a couple of young kinkajou boys skittered off to one of the wells near the village center.
“You're doing amazingly, my love,” Davi whispered in my ear. “Just imagine when it's over. You'll finally have our children in your arms. You can feed them with your own milk. You'll be their mother forever and ever, no matter what.” He kissed me again, his lips against mine breathing life back into my exhausted body. “They'll love you for the rest of their lives and they'll do wonderful things. Incredible things. They could change the world if they wanted to. You could teach them about the world, everything about London, about Brazil, about your mother and father. They'll go to school and learn about the world. They'll live incredible, amazing lives and it will all begin with you, Nina. It all begins today.”
Perhaps it was simply the flood of hormones in my brain, but Davi had said exactly what I'd needed to hear. I cried and pulled him in to kiss me again, barely even feeling my throbbing and sore body.
“...Or you could teach them to climb the trees,” Chitani added, in a similar vein. She leaned in closer to my other ear. “We'll all show them the wonders of the forest, teach them the ways of the Naragaka. If there's a boy, we could teach him to hunt and to explore. If there's a girl, we could teach her to make a home for herself one day. The village holds so many wonders for them to discover. And you could tell them so much, Nina. You'll make a wonderful mother, I know you will.”
I stared at Chitani, the context of what she said lost on Davi, who simply smiled and nodded in agreement. I glanced at him, the soft and kind kinkajou man that had stolen my love the moment I'd seen him all those years ago. The father of my children, still yet to be born. He smiled with the boundless energy he'd always had, the picture of happiness I imagined in my dreams. But his smile faded away as he saw my tears begin again, my face distraught with renewed sadness about giving him up. About leaving him and my children behind. A pain he couldn't understand.
I felt another contraction coming along and braced myself against the handholds. I felt the baby slip even farther down my body, the second following closely behind. I thought I could feel something pressing against the inner walls of my sex, but it was too numb to tell for sure. But my energy was only physical. So much did I wish to go on with my pregnancy forever, the limbo between choices to stay with my happiness. Before I decided which part of my heart would be cut out before me. I pushed again, screaming in earnest this time, crying out with the pain and the pressure, but also with the unbearable sadness and hopelessness.
“Don't make me choose!” I screamed to Chitani, looking into her eyes to beg, my own growing bloodshot with tears. “Don't take them away from me, don't make me choose!” I made a final push against the shape inside me before the contraction went away and left me panting and sobbing uncontrollably. “I can't….I can't do it...I won't choose...”
“Nina?” Davi asked, smoothing my hair back. He glanced up at his sister, the ghost of anger on his face. “...What does she mean, Chitani?”
“...She...” Chitani stammered, glancing between myself and Davi. “She...she's upset! She's in the middle of labor, Davi!”
“What did you tell her, Chitani?” Davi growled, already more angry than I'd ever seen him.
“We are not having this conversation now,” Chitani scoffed, shaking her head.
“What did you say to Nina?” Davi was almost shouting.
“It doesn't matter!” she yelled. “Your mate is giving birth, Davi! Pay attention to her!” She stood up and stepped away. “Those boys are taking too long with the water. I'll get it myself.”
“What did she say?” Davi asked me between my sobbing. He wiped tears from my face, talking to me in a soothing voice. “Did my sister threaten you?”
“I...She...” I wanted so badly to say something, to beg for his help, but I didn't want to incite him against his own sister. But as the stress of my labor bore down on me, I couldn't keep it inside of me. “...She told me...that I can't leave the village...or I'll have to leave you and the babies behind...She says you'll die if you leave...that you could get sick...she...Please, don't be angry.”
It was too late. Davi glowered, more furious than I even thought he had the capacity to be. Clenching his fists, he stood and marched across the hut toward his retreating sister. The crowd outside parted, leaving space for the two in the middle. Davi grabbed Chitani by the shoulder and roughly spun her to face him.
“You lied to her!” She shouted, jamming a finger into her chest. “You were going to make Nina choose between her children and her home? What were you thinking, Chitani?!”
“Your mate is in there giving birth to your children!” Chitani shouted, pointing inside the hut. “You should be in there with her, not out here arguing with me!”
“You don't control my life, Chitani!” Davi yelled. “You are not the one to make our decisions for us!”
“This is absurd! This has nothing to do with you-”
“This has everything to do with me!” Davi had begun to rage, the circle of Naragaka backing up from him. “You know you can't control me like you used to, so you tried get to me through Nina! Through my mate! The mother of my children! You lied to her, scared her to tears, making her think that she would have to give up her own babies to go back home, just as an excuse to keep me here! You cannot choke me to protect me, Chitani! Not anymore!”
“You're all I have left!” Chitani screamed, her voice breaking as it echoed through the village. She shook wildly, like a tree in a thunderstorm, her composure completely destroyed. “My mother is dead, my father is dead, my...my child is dead. You and those children are all I have left!” Chitani clenched her teeth, her eyes wide in mad desperation. “And I will not lose you, too!”
Those last words seemed to sap the energy from her body. Chitani's shoulders grew slack as her arms drooped to her side. She stumbled weakly, a few hands of the watching crowd catching her and keeping her on her feet. Davi's anger seemed to fade as quickly as it arrived, but he did not move to help his sister, either.
Suddenly, in the midst of the argument, I felt a sudden pang of pressure inside me. I had nearly forgotten my labor, if that was even possible. It was like watching a wave approaching from far away, as it loomed ever larger, knowing before it broke how large it would be. My next contraction would be big.
“Davi!” I yelled, bracing myself against the rope ties. “They're coming!”
He glanced between his sister and I, lingering on her for a moment, before striding back inside. The crowd filled in the space to watch, swallowing Chitani behind a wall of wide-eyed Naragaka. By the time Davi had come next to me, I was already pushing. I seemed to press harder and harder by the second, feeling something inconceivably large moving down inside me. With one last push, I felt a stretching sensation between my legs as something began to emerge. In the instant between that contraction and the last, I leaned forward as best I could and probed with my fingers. Between the folds of my labia was a soft, wet, furry ball just large enough to spread me open to what I thought were my limits.
“A head!” I breathed in amazement. I tried not to touch it too much, for fear of hurting myself or the baby. But it was euphoric just to be able to actually touch my baby for the first time. I smiled, laughing weakly through the pain. “It's a head!”
“You're doing well, Nina,” Daaga said, soothingly. “The first one is almost out. I'm here to help you. Just push when you feel the need. This next one should do it.”
I nodded, too tired to answer, and gritted my teeth. Looking up at the ceiling for focus and holding onto the ropes. When I felt the contraction come, I wasted no time in pushing with every ounce of strength in my body. I pushed and pushed and pushed until I felt like my head were about to pop like a balloon. As I did, I felt Daaga's deft and experienced hands slip inside me and turn the baby just enough for their shoulders to slip through and out my birth canal. It was such a strange sensation to feel such an enormous mass be suddenly removed from my body, but it was just as strange to feel the baby's long kinkajou tail slide out behind it, slipping out like I was giving birth to a snake.
But all the pain vanished to be replaced with sheer bliss the first time I heard the baby cry from across the room. The crowd outside cheered and clapped, someone even beginning to play drums. Davi dropped down next to Daaga and took the tiny, mewling baby into his arms, cradling it so gently it was as if he were barely touching it. Its fur was wet with amniotic fluid, the umbilical cord still connected to me. But finally seeing the baby I had been imagining for nine long and challenging months made every single second of hardship worth it. Davi crouched down next to me, showing me the baby kinkajou he and I had made together.
“A girl...” he whispered. “A little girl...” I was too weak to hold her, but I raised an amazed finger to the little squirming creature. She grabbed my finger, just for an instant. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Her long tail, still matted and wet, wrapped around my outstretched arm and my heart instantly melted.
“I...It's...she...” I breathed, trying to find the words to say. Instead, I only came up with one. “Charlotte.”
As if on cue, another contraction wracked my body, sending a new wave of pain and pressure through me while very clearly reminding me there was yet another baby to give birth to. Davi stepped away with Charlotte, cradling her in his arms like he'd been doing it his entire life. I gripped the ropes, trying to summon whatever energy was left, and began to push again with all the effort I had left. After three more contractions and a lifetime's worth of pained screams, the second baby was in Daaga's arms, as healthy and whole as the first.
“A boy!” Daaga said, laughing. “One of each!” The crowd at the doorway exploded into cheers and shouts that I barely registered over the sound of the twins' soft crying. Daaga tied off their umbilical cords and cut them with a geode expertly sharpened into a blade. She and Davi handed the children to me, finally letting me hold both of them in my arms, tucked into the crooks of my elbows. Charlotte in my right arm continued to wail and angrily kick her tiny legs, but Rami in my left arm had quieted his crying and opened his eyes slightly to peer curiously around the room.
“This is the best moment of my life,” I said in English. I was right.
But something was still wrong. As I cradled the babies to my body, I motioned Davi closer.
“Bring Chitani,” I whispered. Davi frowned, a confused expression appearing on his face. I simply nodded. He sighed, stepping away from me and the twins to go out into the crowd. Meanwhile, Rami's weak little hand pawed at the side of my breast, still underneath my top. I was curious to try feeding them soon, wondering what the sensation would be like. Charlotte's crying had finally started to die down and she whipped her tail around beneath her, tapping herself in the face with it a few times.
Slowly, Chitani came inside and moved beside me, sitting on the edge of our sleeping area with her back to me. It took a few callings of her name to convince her to turn around, which revealed her eyes to be red and puffy. I nearly cried, myself, at the sight of one of the strongest women I have ever known reduced to such despair. Instead I smiled warmly, shifting the twins in my arms for emphasis.
“This is Charlotte,” I said, referring to the baby in my right arm. “Your niece.” I nodded to the baby in my left arm. “And this is Rami. Your nephew.” Her ears flicked at the sound of the name as she turned.
“Rami?” she repeated. “The name of...” Chitani trailed off, staring at the little kinkajou like he was a fallen star. He stared right back at her, his eyes barely open enough to glimpse his blue-green eyes.
“Do you want to hold him?” I asked. Chitani blinked, as if the thought had never crossed her mind.
“...Can I?” She said in disbelief. I smiled, beckoning her closer with my hand. She approached and gingerly, carefully, took my son from my arm. He squirmed a bit at being moved, but became still again as Chitani cradled him, the two gazing into one another's eyes like they had known each other for years. It's presumptuous, and totally unscientific, but I believed I could feel Chitani's pain healing inside of her as she held her nephew.
“Chitani,” I whispered. “I won't choose between family and my home. Not when we can have both. No matter where we go, what we do, or what happens, we will always be your family. And you will always be ours.” I smiled warmly. “I will always be proud to call you my sister.”
She said nothing, merely let more tears come to her eyes and nodded, looking down at my son and forming a connection between them that I know will never, ever be broken.
Looking at my children, my lover, my friends, my new home, and the crowd of strangers outside, I found myself suddenly wondering at why I ever doubted who I was. The answer was always so many things all at once. But one stands above the others.
More than being a Naragaka.
More than being an Englishwoman.
More than being a kinkajou.
More than even being a woman.
I am a Mother.
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Dr. Gordan waited patiently near the cafe in the Brasilia square, but on the inside, he was hopelessly anxious. Nina had been gone for a full year now, off living in the rainforest among a hidden tribe no one knew the location of. She was completely without contact for the entire time. Their only hope would be that Davi arrived in the city on time for his annual appointment for them to at least ask about her fate.
Waiting alongside him was Cornelius, reading through an old notebook of the professor's, and Nichelle, who had elected to come along on this trip. Sarah's decidedly lukewarm experience of Brazil had kept her back home. Dr. Gordan hadn't told anyone, not even his colleges and especially not the school board, about Nina's plan. If absolutely nothing else, he was eager to learn how she fared. If he ever saw her again, of course.
A group of locals passed them, speaking quickly and excitedly in Portuguese, leaving the professor and his assistants to wait patiently for a sign of hope.
“...Dr. Gordan?” said a heavily accented voice. The schnauzer glanced up and nearly leapt bodily into the air when he recognized none other than Nina standing in front of him, a three-month old kinkajou infant in her arm. She beamed as he finally recognized her, but he at least had an excuse why he didn't. She wore a very traditional tribal shawl and loincloth that showed the immense change that had overcome her body. She was thicker, with wider hips and a slightly larger bust, her hair wild and flowing over her shoulders instead of bound into a ponytail. Nina had always been a timid and nervous girl from the professor's perspective, but her demeanor had completely changed. She was calmer, more serene, a confidence of self radiating from her. She laughed at Dr. Gordan's dumbfounded look.
“It's good to see you to, professor,” Nina said. “I'm sorry if my English is rusty. I haven't been using it much lately.” She shifted the baby in her arm, who had his tail wrapped around her waist and one of his hands in his mouth as he stared wide-eyed around the town square.
“Nina!” Dr. Gordan cried out. He dropped his bag and shuffled over, embracing his favorite student in a one-armed hug that delighted her but irritated her son. He tried to fight back relieved tears. “We thought you were dead! Or...we were afraid that...”
He trailed off at the sight of Nina's laughter.
“No such luck, professor. Davi took good care of me.” She glanced over her shoulder to find indicate Davi approaching, holding yet another kinkajou baby in his arms, though more awkwardly than Nina did. Behind him followed along a stern, harsh-eyed tribeswoman.
“Nina?” Nichelle asked, approaching her like she was a fragile work of art. She glanced between her and the baby in her arms and asked, “What happened?”
“I just had a baby or two,” Nina shrugged coyly. “Not a big deal.”
“I can barely believe you're alive! You were gone for so long, and there was no hope of even looking...”
“No, there wasn't. The village is so many kilometers away from here and completely hidden. You wouldn't have had a chance.”
“So you saw it!?” Dr. Gordan asked, excitedly. “Y-you went to the Naragaka village?”
“I went to the Naragaka village,” Nina nodded before continuing. “I fell in love and mated with a Naragaka tribesmen, I had two fantastic Naragaka babies, and I became an honorary Naragaka myself.” She sighed and shook her head. “It was hard to convince the tribe elders to let us come back here, but we explained that it was in the best interest of the tribe.”
“What was it like? Can you tell me about it?” Dr. Gordan asked excitedly.
“I'll do even better,” Nina said. She slung a handmade bag over her shoulder and rummaged around in it with her free hand. From inside, she produced the four notebooks the professor had bought her before they left, except they were muddy, dirty, water-stained, and almost completely filled in back-to-front with Nina's handwriting.
“That, professor, is my dissertation,” she explained. Nina hefted her son higher up and kissed him on the cheek while gesturing to the baby Davi held. “And these two are my thesis.”
Dr. Gordan held the notebooks in his limp hand, completely dumbstruck. Davi walked up to Nina's side, where they held their free hands together and entwined their tails around one another.
“If you don't mind, then, Dr. Gordan, I believe we'll be taking the next flight back to London. I'm looking forward to showing my new family around home.” Nina turned and looked over her shoulder, pointing to the angry-looking woman standing and tapping her feet in the dirt. “That's my sister-in-law Chitani. She's going to be the village's liaison and talk directly to you. It's slow going, but I think the Naragaka are starting to consider outside trading. But only through trust.”
Chitani approached, glowering at the group of 'outsiders.'
“I hope I like you all even half as much as I like Nina,” she said in Portuguese. “And that's saying a lot.
“Look! You're getting along already!” Nina laughed. Davi whispered something in her ear, leaving Nina to laugh. “Alright, I think it's about time for us to head home.
“I can't wait to finally have a family of my own.”
Category Story / Pregnancy
Species Lemur
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 65 kB
Listed in Folders
That was very cute. It's kind of funny that Nina spent so much of the early parts of the story angsting over how she never fit in in London, only to realize in the end that London was her real home all along.
It's also nice that Nina was able to reconcile with Chitani in the end. But I don't blame Davi for being furious when he found out his sister had presented his mate with an agonizing false choice.
The only thing I don't like about this chapter is the way it switches to third person perspective at the end. Everything else was in first person, so you really should have stayed consistent. It wouldn't have been too difficult to write the epilogue from Nina's perspective.
It's also nice that Nina was able to reconcile with Chitani in the end. But I don't blame Davi for being furious when he found out his sister had presented his mate with an agonizing false choice.
The only thing I don't like about this chapter is the way it switches to third person perspective at the end. Everything else was in first person, so you really should have stayed consistent. It wouldn't have been too difficult to write the epilogue from Nina's perspective.
Thanks for reading. I've appreciated your thoughts on the different chapters.
Yknow, I've done the first person-to-third person switch in other stories before, thinking it was a cool effect, but every time i've been told it's jarring. I think this'll be the last time I use that
Yknow, I've done the first person-to-third person switch in other stories before, thinking it was a cool effect, but every time i've been told it's jarring. I think this'll be the last time I use that
SPOILERS AHEAD
Something I notice in reading a lot of your stories is that you have simple plots but interesting characters. The story of the outsider from the “civilized world” becoming emotionally invested with the indigenous tribal folk has been told plenty of times. The major difference here, of course, was exactly who that outsider was. In the same way that Going Hope appealed to my love of parent/child stories, Two Souls appealed to my love of stories about identity. The way Nina feels out of place both when she’s an ethnic minority in London and a social minority in the tribe really speaks volumes about what it means to belong somewhere: do you want to be with people who think like you but aren’t the same as you, or do you want to be with the people who are the same as you but don’t think like you? That’s a pretty universal sentiment, even if it isn’t necessarily ethnic. The fact that she’s happy simply accepting the title of “mother” by the end makes it all the more heartfelt. Having it all written in first person keeps it intimate (and also hilarious when she finally goes into labor and writes every variation of “fuck” that she can).
Another type of story that gets told a lot is the “racism without race” story, and this one is pretty on-the-nose. However, while I know that the character was created by someone else, the choice of a kinkajou was a perfect one because it is such a rarely seen animal, so much so that I didn’t even realize it was real until fairly recently. So I completely believe that she’d use her college education as an excuse to learn more about her ancestry (something my own cousin recently did by taking up genocide studies to learn more about her grandfather’s connection to The Holocaust).
I do have a couple of critiques: for one, I think you could have done with just a bit more character development for Davi, at least something to make me see exactly why she’s so in love with him. For the most part, he just seems like a sort of “prince charming.” I also feel like there are too many descriptions of crying, which has a habit of watering down the tension, especially because the tension that comes up when Chitani forbids Nina from leaving the tribe with her babies or Davi and threatens her never to return if she does is so phenomenal that having them both fight back tears the entire time relieves it too much to live up to it’s full potential. That said, I did like that you save her reveal for a point in the story where she obviously can’t hold it back any longer. And then there’s your perfectly excruciating detail of Nina giving birth at the end, as that only a complete and thorough description of labor and delivery can really capture exactly why it’s considered so magical and, more importantly, rewarding.
And of course there’s all the fanservice. Long story short, you’re very good at writing sex, as well as belly descriptions, which are just frequent and detailed enough to be pleasing but not so gratuitous that it distracts from the actual story. You not only have an authority on both but enough respect for to write them tastefully and without the emotional detachment, and those are things I don’t think I ever see in these kinds of stories. If nothing else, please keep that up.
Not much else to say, really. Most of the story really revolves around Nina. The rest of it speaks for itself. Frankly, I’d love to see a direct sequel about Davi and Chitani adjusting to life in London, if their heath really is effected by modern society and whether or not the Naragaka go through with outside trading.
Something I notice in reading a lot of your stories is that you have simple plots but interesting characters. The story of the outsider from the “civilized world” becoming emotionally invested with the indigenous tribal folk has been told plenty of times. The major difference here, of course, was exactly who that outsider was. In the same way that Going Hope appealed to my love of parent/child stories, Two Souls appealed to my love of stories about identity. The way Nina feels out of place both when she’s an ethnic minority in London and a social minority in the tribe really speaks volumes about what it means to belong somewhere: do you want to be with people who think like you but aren’t the same as you, or do you want to be with the people who are the same as you but don’t think like you? That’s a pretty universal sentiment, even if it isn’t necessarily ethnic. The fact that she’s happy simply accepting the title of “mother” by the end makes it all the more heartfelt. Having it all written in first person keeps it intimate (and also hilarious when she finally goes into labor and writes every variation of “fuck” that she can).
Another type of story that gets told a lot is the “racism without race” story, and this one is pretty on-the-nose. However, while I know that the character was created by someone else, the choice of a kinkajou was a perfect one because it is such a rarely seen animal, so much so that I didn’t even realize it was real until fairly recently. So I completely believe that she’d use her college education as an excuse to learn more about her ancestry (something my own cousin recently did by taking up genocide studies to learn more about her grandfather’s connection to The Holocaust).
I do have a couple of critiques: for one, I think you could have done with just a bit more character development for Davi, at least something to make me see exactly why she’s so in love with him. For the most part, he just seems like a sort of “prince charming.” I also feel like there are too many descriptions of crying, which has a habit of watering down the tension, especially because the tension that comes up when Chitani forbids Nina from leaving the tribe with her babies or Davi and threatens her never to return if she does is so phenomenal that having them both fight back tears the entire time relieves it too much to live up to it’s full potential. That said, I did like that you save her reveal for a point in the story where she obviously can’t hold it back any longer. And then there’s your perfectly excruciating detail of Nina giving birth at the end, as that only a complete and thorough description of labor and delivery can really capture exactly why it’s considered so magical and, more importantly, rewarding.
And of course there’s all the fanservice. Long story short, you’re very good at writing sex, as well as belly descriptions, which are just frequent and detailed enough to be pleasing but not so gratuitous that it distracts from the actual story. You not only have an authority on both but enough respect for to write them tastefully and without the emotional detachment, and those are things I don’t think I ever see in these kinds of stories. If nothing else, please keep that up.
Not much else to say, really. Most of the story really revolves around Nina. The rest of it speaks for itself. Frankly, I’d love to see a direct sequel about Davi and Chitani adjusting to life in London, if their heath really is effected by modern society and whether or not the Naragaka go through with outside trading.
FA+

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