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The City of Solitude - Chapter 6: Welcome to Saurral Manor
ART BY:
Nishi
<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
Back in the Main Hall, Scuttle, Bubble, Cappy, and Fritter were doing their best to gather as many Haposaurs as they could who had yet to be affected by the mist.
“Keep coming this way!” cried Bubble as she waved her hand to gesture others to join them.
“Look at all the kids!” Cappy exclaimed as he watched children run from their seats towards them.
“Why aren’t any of the grownups joining us?” Bubble thought aloud as she observed how most of those who were coming towards them were of about their same size and age.
Scuttle noticed the mist starting to grow thicker as it moved ever closer towards them.
“No time to worry about that!” he exclaimed. “We have to get out of here now!”
Cappy and Fritter huddled together out of fear.
“I’m scared!” cried Cappy.
“Me, too,” whimpered Fritter.
Other children had begun to cry or do as Cappy and Fritter were doing.
Bubble saw the fear in all who had gathered around them and knew it was time to get as far away from the mist as possible.
“Okay everyone!” she shouted. “Follow me to safety!”
“Is it really safe?” asked a panicked youngster
Scuttle nodded and said, “It’s certainly better than standing around here.”
***
As Scuttle, Bubble, Cappy, and Fritter gathered as many Haposaurs as they could, Emino and Lucky acquired the Saurral Staff and made their way back to the secret chamber they had discovered.
“What do we do now?” asked Lucky.
Emino inspected the statue.
“I do believe we place the staff into the statue’s right hand,” he said.
Emino used his psychic powers to lift the Saurral Staff above where it appeared it should be placed.
“Get behind me, Lucky,” he said. “I have no idea what will happen once I insert the staff into the statue’s hand.”
Lucky scurried behind Emino as the robed blue bird used his psychic powers to gently lower the staff into place.
KA-CLICK!
PFF
DRIP-DRIP, DRIP
The twin fountains that were watering the statue stopped spraying.
“What’s happening?” asked Lucky as he peeked out from behind Emino.
KER-KER-CRACK!
FZZT!
Emino took a step back as he watched the statue begin to form green cracks all around it while a massive, green flame burst from the mysterious, black orb.
KER-KER-CRACK!
FZZT!
CRAH!
More-and-more cracks formed in the statue as it began to stand up from the stone chair it was sitting upon.
CRACK-SNAP!
The left hand that supported the flaming orb suddenly came to life and began to pull the odd crystal towards its chest.
“What’s going on?” asked Lucky nervously as he watched green light fill the room.
“What sort of sorcery is this?” questioned Emino.
PA-WOOP!
CHIK-CHIK-CLIK-CHIK-CLIK!
“Ah!” screamed Lucky as green light exploded from the crumbling statue.
Feeling what he believed to be stone shavings flying through the air, Emino tucked Lucky under his cloak to protect him from the spraying debris.
“What do we have here?” he asked as he struggled to see through the shimmering light.
Lucky poked his head out from inside the cloak and noticed what seemed to be the outline of a haposaur standing amidst an array of green colored lights.
“I live again!” a confident voice proclaimed. “This land shall not fall so long as I have breath in my body!”
The light faded away to reveal a green colored Haposaur clad in a red cape.
“Who are you?” Emino asked curiously as he watched the confident haposaur grip the Saurral Staff tightly with both of his hands. Within moments, the staff began to hum and green fire radiated all about it.
“I am Filbert Saurral!” he announced as he pointed the Saurral Staff towards Emino. “And I shall rid this isle of evil once-and-for all starting with you!”
Nishi<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
Back in the Main Hall, Scuttle, Bubble, Cappy, and Fritter were doing their best to gather as many Haposaurs as they could who had yet to be affected by the mist.
“Keep coming this way!” cried Bubble as she waved her hand to gesture others to join them.
“Look at all the kids!” Cappy exclaimed as he watched children run from their seats towards them.
“Why aren’t any of the grownups joining us?” Bubble thought aloud as she observed how most of those who were coming towards them were of about their same size and age.
Scuttle noticed the mist starting to grow thicker as it moved ever closer towards them.
“No time to worry about that!” he exclaimed. “We have to get out of here now!”
Cappy and Fritter huddled together out of fear.
“I’m scared!” cried Cappy.
“Me, too,” whimpered Fritter.
Other children had begun to cry or do as Cappy and Fritter were doing.
Bubble saw the fear in all who had gathered around them and knew it was time to get as far away from the mist as possible.
“Okay everyone!” she shouted. “Follow me to safety!”
“Is it really safe?” asked a panicked youngster
Scuttle nodded and said, “It’s certainly better than standing around here.”
***
As Scuttle, Bubble, Cappy, and Fritter gathered as many Haposaurs as they could, Emino and Lucky acquired the Saurral Staff and made their way back to the secret chamber they had discovered.
“What do we do now?” asked Lucky.
Emino inspected the statue.
“I do believe we place the staff into the statue’s right hand,” he said.
Emino used his psychic powers to lift the Saurral Staff above where it appeared it should be placed.
“Get behind me, Lucky,” he said. “I have no idea what will happen once I insert the staff into the statue’s hand.”
Lucky scurried behind Emino as the robed blue bird used his psychic powers to gently lower the staff into place.
KA-CLICK!
PFF
DRIP-DRIP, DRIP
The twin fountains that were watering the statue stopped spraying.
“What’s happening?” asked Lucky as he peeked out from behind Emino.
KER-KER-CRACK!
FZZT!
Emino took a step back as he watched the statue begin to form green cracks all around it while a massive, green flame burst from the mysterious, black orb.
KER-KER-CRACK!
FZZT!
CRAH!
More-and-more cracks formed in the statue as it began to stand up from the stone chair it was sitting upon.
CRACK-SNAP!
The left hand that supported the flaming orb suddenly came to life and began to pull the odd crystal towards its chest.
“What’s going on?” asked Lucky nervously as he watched green light fill the room.
“What sort of sorcery is this?” questioned Emino.
PA-WOOP!
CHIK-CHIK-CLIK-CHIK-CLIK!
“Ah!” screamed Lucky as green light exploded from the crumbling statue.
Feeling what he believed to be stone shavings flying through the air, Emino tucked Lucky under his cloak to protect him from the spraying debris.
“What do we have here?” he asked as he struggled to see through the shimmering light.
Lucky poked his head out from inside the cloak and noticed what seemed to be the outline of a haposaur standing amidst an array of green colored lights.
“I live again!” a confident voice proclaimed. “This land shall not fall so long as I have breath in my body!”
The light faded away to reveal a green colored Haposaur clad in a red cape.
“Who are you?” Emino asked curiously as he watched the confident haposaur grip the Saurral Staff tightly with both of his hands. Within moments, the staff began to hum and green fire radiated all about it.
“I am Filbert Saurral!” he announced as he pointed the Saurral Staff towards Emino. “And I shall rid this isle of evil once-and-for all starting with you!”
Category All / Fantasy
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 358 x 237px
File Size 33.9 kB
Forgive me if I disrespect you with this question, but what exactly age are these books meant for? Real Young children or slightly older children who like adventurous books? The earlier installments of Saurral Manor seemed geared towards the former while these recent ones are more towards the latter. Again, sorry if this offends you.
Absolutely no offense taken. I truly welcome your opinion as I know you are a genuine individual who'd provide quality feedback.
My hope is that this story will appeal to the 8 to 12 (Tween) crowd. The other stories are geared towards 4 to 8 (Or even younger if mom or dad reads it to them).
There is a story in which is more about the world in which the Haposaurs live in that I am going to work on next. It is entitled Silmaria and should be suitable to the tween audience.
City of Solitude is kind of meant to be a "Stepping Stone" for those who grew up on Welcome to Saurral Manor and are ready for something deeper.
Do you think I'm doing good in making this friendly for a tween or above audience? I am doing my best but only feedback can make it happen. :)
Thanks again for your thoughts, Leon. I really appreciate it.
My hope is that this story will appeal to the 8 to 12 (Tween) crowd. The other stories are geared towards 4 to 8 (Or even younger if mom or dad reads it to them).
There is a story in which is more about the world in which the Haposaurs live in that I am going to work on next. It is entitled Silmaria and should be suitable to the tween audience.
City of Solitude is kind of meant to be a "Stepping Stone" for those who grew up on Welcome to Saurral Manor and are ready for something deeper.
Do you think I'm doing good in making this friendly for a tween or above audience? I am doing my best but only feedback can make it happen. :)
Thanks again for your thoughts, Leon. I really appreciate it.
I must say, took me a while to think of what to say.
As for the Stepping stone idea, I understand now. Attempting to reach out to a new audience can be a good idea. Though I feel it may alienate the fans of the original, which is why my Mature novel won't be adapted into a child friendly Saturday morning cartoon. Though reaching out can also be a big success, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was originally a mature black and white comic and it's Kid Friendly adaption was a huge success. I see reaching out to new audiences is like making a new video game with your characters as the stars, much like Metal Gear Rising, a spin off of Metal Gear Solid.
As for the writing, your doing a solid job. It seems a bit cliched to me, but then again, I'm no longer a Tween. Keeping stories exciting and interesting can be difficult, something I occasionally have trouble with. Keep up the good work!
As for the Stepping stone idea, I understand now. Attempting to reach out to a new audience can be a good idea. Though I feel it may alienate the fans of the original, which is why my Mature novel won't be adapted into a child friendly Saturday morning cartoon. Though reaching out can also be a big success, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was originally a mature black and white comic and it's Kid Friendly adaption was a huge success. I see reaching out to new audiences is like making a new video game with your characters as the stars, much like Metal Gear Rising, a spin off of Metal Gear Solid.
As for the writing, your doing a solid job. It seems a bit cliched to me, but then again, I'm no longer a Tween. Keeping stories exciting and interesting can be difficult, something I occasionally have trouble with. Keep up the good work!
The largest trouble in writing to a younger audience (while hopefully attracting a potential older audience, too) is how much detail can successfully put in before it either gets confusing or too slow.
As it stands I've cropped out over five full pages worth of story to increase the pace while mellowing down the details. The heart of the story is the same while a lot of the depth has gone to the wayside. Though I'm saving those large sections I've removed to a special document so I will forever have them to show what the story once was. (I also have the original story fully printed out in a binder)
Writing is definitely a challenge. Attracting an audience is even harder. But enjoying it is easy so long as you like what you're up to. :)
As it stands I've cropped out over five full pages worth of story to increase the pace while mellowing down the details. The heart of the story is the same while a lot of the depth has gone to the wayside. Though I'm saving those large sections I've removed to a special document so I will forever have them to show what the story once was. (I also have the original story fully printed out in a binder)
Writing is definitely a challenge. Attracting an audience is even harder. But enjoying it is easy so long as you like what you're up to. :)
I understand that the second Care Bears movie is quite scary for a G-rated movie. I would say that My Little Pony can be quite scary for a Y-rated cartoon. It is not always clear what should be G or PG. Near the border, my choice may come down to what I consider an appropriate (strategic yet ethical) marketing strategy.
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