I am uncertain how to go about finding help. I do not know what will help anymore. I need to find out a mroe reliable way to deal with this. I'm crashing hard. I am trying very much to keep my thoughts positive. I'm losing control of my stream fo conciousness. Why are small things so important to me. I don't understand why I can't do things. I don't understand why I can't make people happy. I don't understand why I have to feel so useless. I don't understand why the things I do are wrong.

I want a rock. Why can't I find a rock? Why can't I be stable. Why can't I just feel good about anything I do. Why do I need people to gratify it. WHy can't I just be my own rock. Why is this not easy? Why is it obviously so nessisary and seemingly impossible. What would make something like me?

Why can't I find help? Why is my breaking response to shut myself away from anything that could possibly remedy my needs? Why can I be conscious of this yet still do it? Why am I trapped in this stupid chemical machine watching it do everything it can to perpetuate this horrible mindset? Why is this the only thing I can think of ot help? Why is asking for help stigmatized?

Why can't I be useful to other people? Why do I need them to feel useful? Why do I need to ask these questions? Why can't I just be stupid and happy?