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Bad Sex
18 years ago
General
Okay, so I've got this friend who I've known for a few years and as of late, our relationship has also gotten a bit sexual (never extended past oral). So, last night we decide to do something at his house. He gets out of the shower, and he wants me to take one to because he has a "phobia" of "crotch stench". Uh huh. I told him I showered this morning and he shrugs it off.
I should have known things were going to start heading downhill from here, but we pressed on.
He asks if it's okay to tape our session this time, and I say it's okay. Both of us agree that to get a decent shot of anything we have to go one at a time, rather than simultaneous like we usually do. I naturally take longer, so he says I should go first. Again, I agree.
Now, there's one thing I should probably make clear before we progress with this: He is a huge turn off in everything that he does.
So, I'm naked from the waist down and the camera is in a horribly unflattering position which is also being shown on the TV. This moment could have been salvageable except he had no condoms, and that's the only way that he'll give me head. So, he leaves me alone for a few moments and comes back with two gloves. However, they aren't LATEX gloves, so he leaves me alone yet again and comes back with, you'll never guess.....
SARAN WRAP. HE WRAPPED MY COCK IN SARAN WRAP.
At this point, I'm ready to head desk myself into a coma because this is so much of a bad idea that just the thought has me growing soft. He fumbles with this for a while, and eventually scraps the idea. In an attempt to bring it back up, he leaves me AGAIN to go get baby oil, which he proceeds to pour on me like French toast to maple syrup. However, I HATE lube, so now all I feel is very uncomfortable friction.
Wiping off the baby oil as best as he can, he has me stand up and see if it works any better. However, now he needs a blanket wrapped around me and over him, 'cause he feels like he's being watched. Long story short, this doesn't work either.
We switch off to see if maybe doing him will get me up again. It doesn't. I am pretty nauseous at this point and think it's a good time to leave.
This, ladies and gentleman, has been Bad Sex.
I should have known things were going to start heading downhill from here, but we pressed on.
He asks if it's okay to tape our session this time, and I say it's okay. Both of us agree that to get a decent shot of anything we have to go one at a time, rather than simultaneous like we usually do. I naturally take longer, so he says I should go first. Again, I agree.
Now, there's one thing I should probably make clear before we progress with this: He is a huge turn off in everything that he does.
So, I'm naked from the waist down and the camera is in a horribly unflattering position which is also being shown on the TV. This moment could have been salvageable except he had no condoms, and that's the only way that he'll give me head. So, he leaves me alone for a few moments and comes back with two gloves. However, they aren't LATEX gloves, so he leaves me alone yet again and comes back with, you'll never guess.....
SARAN WRAP. HE WRAPPED MY COCK IN SARAN WRAP.
At this point, I'm ready to head desk myself into a coma because this is so much of a bad idea that just the thought has me growing soft. He fumbles with this for a while, and eventually scraps the idea. In an attempt to bring it back up, he leaves me AGAIN to go get baby oil, which he proceeds to pour on me like French toast to maple syrup. However, I HATE lube, so now all I feel is very uncomfortable friction.
Wiping off the baby oil as best as he can, he has me stand up and see if it works any better. However, now he needs a blanket wrapped around me and over him, 'cause he feels like he's being watched. Long story short, this doesn't work either.
We switch off to see if maybe doing him will get me up again. It doesn't. I am pretty nauseous at this point and think it's a good time to leave.
This, ladies and gentleman, has been Bad Sex.
