Lately, I've been so incredibly tense. It started yesterday night, during a power outage. Not sure what caused it, but entire blocks just lost power- including my entire apartment building. So, I went upstairs to visit my aunt and uncle (I couldn't stand to be by myself with no source of light). So, while laying in the dark with a fever, my aunt sitting beside me, my thoughts strayed to death.

It's always been a touchy subject for me, as quite a few relatives have succumbed to it in my life. Just the mention of it would tear me up, and any discussion of the afterlife just made me bristle up and change the subject. However, it's been on my mind constantly.

I've never been religious, nor had I given the events that took place after death much thought. However, now the entire concept just seems to haunt me. The more I think about it, the more that I don't want to die, if only because then my worse fears will be realize- when we're gone, we just lay in the ground, and never get back up. The brain stops moving, and that's the end of that.

I used to think that my greatest fears were spiders, being beaten up, and having my stuff stolen. Those are small, though, now that I've realized my true greatest fears. Dying, and leaving everyone and everything behind.