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Break Time!
14 years ago
General
This is my first day back from my drive yesterday. Holy Shit, 19 hours in the car by myself with just a radio and about 5 CD's. Really don't know if I loved it or hated. It was so nice to not have to worry about anything except how long its gonna take me to get home. At the same time, I was just so sore by the time I made it back. I got to truly be myself which was cool. I realized just how weird I am. Nothing like busting out in random and pointless jokes for no reason whatsoever. Jokes that nobody could even hear except me. I think that would be a great mate...One that I can be my very very strange self and them loving me for it. I really don't think that would happen though. I could certainly hope it will, but I can't say for sure either way.
Finally found clothes the fit me. apparently I wear a medium tall. I didn't even know that size existed! Turns out its the only size that does, indeed, fit me. And holy shit does it make me look so much better. No longer will I be wearing a stupidly large shit with my ridiculously small stomach. That, combined with working out....that should help me. At least a little. Or maybe I'll just keep being pathetic and stupid and completely retarded. Who knows. It seems so many people are good at getting in and out of relationships. My roomate for example. Good god he hasn't had sex 3 weeks and he's already dated about 6 people since then. I mean, he does have a natural advantage: he's completely gorgeous. The guys a freakin model! well just have to wait and see how I'll turn out. Probly won't get anything though. Thats just my kind of luck.
You know what? I'm not even sure if I WANT a relationship. I mean, I want the cuddling and closeness, but do I really want the hastle? Do I really want to feel obligated to talk to someone and be with something. Most importantly is, Do I want to worry about how much they like me back and such? Hell, I can't even figure out how much someone likes me or dislikes me OUT of a relationship. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to go with the flow, as I always feel like i have to do. I really wish I had the ability to just KNOW something for sure and act on it and just KNOW how something I do is gonna work out.
Moving on, I realized how much I love MLP. Watched like 6 episodes the other day. It lets you kinda for get about the world and just be happy for the little ponies. There so innocent. Which kinda brings me to my next discovery: my little onions. A bunch of people posting sad situations of the ponies...There so innocent and nothing ever goes wrong...so why would draw pictures and comics of them related to death...Rainbow Dash killing himself...Mourning for his lost mother....Pinkie Pie and her lost sister...God what would you make these...Its just so sad because everything is supposed to go right for these ponies...it IS a kinds cartoon after all.
But it really helped in the end. I cried for the first time in almost a year.
i think thats all im gonna write for tonight.
Finally found clothes the fit me. apparently I wear a medium tall. I didn't even know that size existed! Turns out its the only size that does, indeed, fit me. And holy shit does it make me look so much better. No longer will I be wearing a stupidly large shit with my ridiculously small stomach. That, combined with working out....that should help me. At least a little. Or maybe I'll just keep being pathetic and stupid and completely retarded. Who knows. It seems so many people are good at getting in and out of relationships. My roomate for example. Good god he hasn't had sex 3 weeks and he's already dated about 6 people since then. I mean, he does have a natural advantage: he's completely gorgeous. The guys a freakin model! well just have to wait and see how I'll turn out. Probly won't get anything though. Thats just my kind of luck.
You know what? I'm not even sure if I WANT a relationship. I mean, I want the cuddling and closeness, but do I really want the hastle? Do I really want to feel obligated to talk to someone and be with something. Most importantly is, Do I want to worry about how much they like me back and such? Hell, I can't even figure out how much someone likes me or dislikes me OUT of a relationship. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to go with the flow, as I always feel like i have to do. I really wish I had the ability to just KNOW something for sure and act on it and just KNOW how something I do is gonna work out.
Moving on, I realized how much I love MLP. Watched like 6 episodes the other day. It lets you kinda for get about the world and just be happy for the little ponies. There so innocent. Which kinda brings me to my next discovery: my little onions. A bunch of people posting sad situations of the ponies...There so innocent and nothing ever goes wrong...so why would draw pictures and comics of them related to death...Rainbow Dash killing himself...Mourning for his lost mother....Pinkie Pie and her lost sister...God what would you make these...Its just so sad because everything is supposed to go right for these ponies...it IS a kinds cartoon after all.
But it really helped in the end. I cried for the first time in almost a year.
i think thats all im gonna write for tonight.
