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While drawing my comic tonight...
a year ago
General
This is kind of an unplanned journal, because I had an unplanned feeling tonight while working on a page for the final Jack story.
I realized that I am in a sort of unique position, that not many others will find themselves in. (Being so near the end of a decades long project) so I felt the need to catalog what happend, and attempt to share it with you.
There is another reason for this journal, but I'll explain that later.
So, I was starting on a new page. Did the layouts, began penciling and half way through, I was hit with the thought "The characters featured on this page, this is the last time you will ever draw them" now, I have already drawn other characters for the last time in this comic. But tonight's page hit different. Maybe because these characters were more developed than the others. Maybe because they were in the comic since damn near the beginning. And these are only B grade characters, not the main cast.
Whatever reason, i found myself working rather lathargicly. Re-drawing elements that were fine to begin with, letting myself get distracted., ect.
It isn't as if I couldn't ever draw them again if I wanted to. It was that the purpose that they were intentionally created for is now, for them, over.
So, on to the real reason I'm writing this journal. As I am tapping these words down in my cell phone, I am staring down at the final panel for this page, representing the final time I will draw these characters for Jack. And it may seem a bit daft, but I can't keep myself from crying.
I'm sitting alone in my guard shack with only Ordin the seagull around and I'm crying over these fictional characters.
I'm writing this journal to avoid drawing their last panel. But i also think its worth telling because i dont think its a situation many will find themselves in.
I hope this is only a one off thing. If not, I'm really dreading the final page for Jack, or Lita, or Farrago.
Long time fans will have heard of my "Bad God Moments" (when I feel bad about putting a character into a horrible situation for dramatic effect) this is different. I'm not sure yet what this is. But talking about it has helped. No more distractions. Back to work.
I realized that I am in a sort of unique position, that not many others will find themselves in. (Being so near the end of a decades long project) so I felt the need to catalog what happend, and attempt to share it with you.
There is another reason for this journal, but I'll explain that later.
So, I was starting on a new page. Did the layouts, began penciling and half way through, I was hit with the thought "The characters featured on this page, this is the last time you will ever draw them" now, I have already drawn other characters for the last time in this comic. But tonight's page hit different. Maybe because these characters were more developed than the others. Maybe because they were in the comic since damn near the beginning. And these are only B grade characters, not the main cast.
Whatever reason, i found myself working rather lathargicly. Re-drawing elements that were fine to begin with, letting myself get distracted., ect.
It isn't as if I couldn't ever draw them again if I wanted to. It was that the purpose that they were intentionally created for is now, for them, over.
So, on to the real reason I'm writing this journal. As I am tapping these words down in my cell phone, I am staring down at the final panel for this page, representing the final time I will draw these characters for Jack. And it may seem a bit daft, but I can't keep myself from crying.
I'm sitting alone in my guard shack with only Ordin the seagull around and I'm crying over these fictional characters.
I'm writing this journal to avoid drawing their last panel. But i also think its worth telling because i dont think its a situation many will find themselves in.
I hope this is only a one off thing. If not, I'm really dreading the final page for Jack, or Lita, or Farrago.
Long time fans will have heard of my "Bad God Moments" (when I feel bad about putting a character into a horrible situation for dramatic effect) this is different. I'm not sure yet what this is. But talking about it has helped. No more distractions. Back to work.
Maybe whatever comics you do in the future, you might be able to slip them in as background characters as a nod.
I know I am deeply inspired by your work. The freeness of it. Not the lack of fear to talk about and depict hard philosophical moments, but rather, that there is that fear; it is a risk and the risk is known. It's not just created this way to be edgy, but to prove a point, but the fear of just being labelled edgy... for, er, the umpteenth time, is still real. The fear of being lost to the noise... which of course can and probably has your fed your work for a long time, come to think of it. It can seem cruel to these characters, indeed... in fact, er, you've probably gone to territory that even some with the freedom of independent works probably are not likely to tread through again... but it all was worth it, I figure, and it was what a lot of us, myself included, liked. Jack became freedom incarnate in that way.
I know I'm not alone being inspired by you. And I am grateful for this ride. I know personally it will be hard to see it end... but whether from future unrelated works from you or from the works of other continuing what you have made, or who knows, the odd memory scrawled on a page, if there is one takeaway from Jack, at least in my silly personal opinion, it's that nothing truly ends. It just has to take another chance, no matter how hard it may be.
“If you have never wept bitter tears because a wonderful story has come to an end and you must take your leave of the characters with whom you have shared so many adventures, whom you have loved and admired, for whom you have hoped and feared, and without whose company life seems empty and meaningless.
If such things have not been part of your own experience, you probably won't understand what Bastian did next.” - Michael Ende
The things we create are part of us, and leaving them behind, even if it's to start something newer and grander, even if we know we'll return to them someday, still feels like a loss. And that's okay. Feel what you feel, remind yourself that just because you close a door that doesn't mean you can't open it again, and when you're ready, go forward.
We are grateful for the impact the stories and characters had on us; for the circumstances we related to, or the reflections of people we knew, for the revelations that drew us toward or sent us recoiling from paths not yet taken, for a sense of the macabre and sometimes the sublime. Or if nothing else, an entertaining exploration of your metaverse - from heaven to hell and back.
As of this post I still haven't drawn the squirrel twins from Transmission since that very last page. But when the time is right I'm sure I will draw them again :)
No matter how 'Jack' ends, I know it'll be a good one, and that Jack, Farrago, Central, and everyone else in it will live on through in the people who care about them.
Perhaps letting them have some time to rest will allow you to find new drawn friends that you never would have discovered otherwise. These characters will never be truly gone because we all care for them so very much!
I hope that helps to help you feel better!
I only keep what I emotionally can have the time and effort for upcoming years (even old dated media I know I can enjoy). Which is ultimately why I spent years cleaning out and organizing two decades of my life, it effectively helps with moving forward and willing to create new future.
We can only last so much time and effort on earth, sense of re-discovering by sense of past, present, and the future. We can always re-enjoy old and new, letting things go can be important. To have sense of refreshing humanity on bold scale. No matter how big to small will be.
As much as I loved my characters, I never found a niche for them. I never could find a story to allow them to actualize in.
But you're basically the logical conclusion of what I could never become. You care about these characters you've chiseled from your brain to paper, pen, and ink, lovingly, for so many years. You embody the idea that my former teacher tried to bring to me, which is impressive.