You know Kemoverse Online, right? The game I'm working on. The game I started many years ago. The one I kept working on after dropping out of college and moving to a new country. The game based on my big worldbuilding project, Kemoverse, a world that explains furries in a serious manner in an alternative world.

I've been dreaming about this project every single night in some capacity for the past two weeks, and I have realized that I've reached an extremely strong connection to it. I don't feel sick or anything: I eat, sleep, move and walk, I interact with others and generally feel much healthier than I ever felt in my life. But I realized the other day that my sense of care and devotion to this project has grown so much that I felt a profound sense of connection to it, that I would almost describe as spiritual.

I don't know how to convey these feelings without sounding too weird, so I'll try my best to describe it with just emotions.

It is a project, an idea that I planted and let grow, and through the best of my abilities, tried to depict as accurately as possible through technology. It is a fictional reality that has slowly been carving out in my mind, perfecting it with the slow, brutal process of game development to create a way to immerse in the world. I've borrowed assets and made my own. I've convinced people to help me with it or to play in it with me. I've uploaded it and let people try it out.

It has occupied my life, and I completely love it, not the least because I love the process of game development - but I love its premise, reality, and its believability - and it has slowly grown in to a world that feels like it has outgrown me as a creator and blossomed in to its own thing. I no longer have complete control over it, but that's okay, because it has its own goal, rules, and point to make. Let me explain.

It is a world of furries, of course, but behind this cute surface lies an incredibly profound cause and reason for it being this way. Something that really resonates with how I understand the world and what breathes life and reason in to the characters and stories. And around it is a framework that makes the world feel believable and predictable and not just a vessel so that I can quickly shove my opinion in your face. It has reasons, rules, and structure. It feels believable.

And now, all of a sudden, I'm the one with the duty to tell you the story of this world from start to end. It's an incredibly strange feeling that I have a hard time to explain. It feels like the world has etched itself in to virtual existence, and the roles have suddenly switched and I now owe to tell its premise with the detail it deserves to everyone. It's the only way I can do justice to its intention. I feel like it completely deserves it.

And even if it's difficult, if I sometimes stress about money or worry if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm being stupid dreamer, I look at the game and feel such a strong connection to it that my worries all go away. I feel all kinds of emotions. I feel happy, hopeful, a bit somber, bittersweet, longing for it to develop more. And strangely, I feel at peace. I feel like I'm completely okay if my entire purpose was to just tell this world and story. I wonder to myself if it's really healthy to think like this, but then I think that I'd rather do this than live the rest of my life regretting that I never did it.

That must be the strongest emotion I feel from this project. Belief and hope. Belief that I eventually can tell you the story exactly how I want it to be and that you will feel something as strong as I feel. And I feel like I can do it, I have to do it, and I actually can do it. I have the motivation, skills, and inspiration to undertake a project of this magnitude.

When I think about it, I feel so damn satisfied, like it's my calling that I finally answer to. Like I've been waiting all my life for this kind of challenge so that I can finally prove to myself I can do it. And it makes me feel satisfied to overcome all the mistakes, frustrations, inner conflicts, doubts... with the help of my belief in the project.

And that's it. It's a project I've invested a massive amount of work and dedication to, and that I'm confident I will never sell out or discard like a used doll. My heart is in this project and I will continue to work on it, and nothing can tell me to stop.