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Venting Again
3 years ago
General
I just feel the need to write. Not really writing to anyone specific but maybe somebody can relate.
Happiness has always been elusive. It’s always just out of reach.
I’ve always thought that maybe if I just did “X” I’d finally be happy. As a result my actions have always been impulsive and maybe even selfish in a way.
I make life altering decisions in hopes that maybe I’ll be happier afterwords. That hit of dopamine is always brief and I enjoy it, but naturally it falters and I just end back up in the same rut that I’ve always been in, albeit maybe a little deeper than before.
I now understand that I don’t really have any ways to cope. I developed coping mechanisms but ultimately they were destructive.
I cut out the negative coping mechanisms only to find out I don’t really have anything else to fall back on. So… now what? My anxiety and depression is higher than ever before even though I’m physically healthier than I’ve been in a long while.
Do I go to therapy? I’ve been offered pills by doctors but that’s not where I want to find happiness.
I’m going to continue to try and work on myself but man it’s been an uphill battle. Just when I think I’m nearing the top I realize that I’ve only just crested another hill and have even further to go.
Not sure how much longer I have to endure this but I’m going to keep trying. I’ll figure it out… I always have, even if it’s been by trial and error… It’s just not fun.
Happiness has always been elusive. It’s always just out of reach.
I’ve always thought that maybe if I just did “X” I’d finally be happy. As a result my actions have always been impulsive and maybe even selfish in a way.
I make life altering decisions in hopes that maybe I’ll be happier afterwords. That hit of dopamine is always brief and I enjoy it, but naturally it falters and I just end back up in the same rut that I’ve always been in, albeit maybe a little deeper than before.
I now understand that I don’t really have any ways to cope. I developed coping mechanisms but ultimately they were destructive.
I cut out the negative coping mechanisms only to find out I don’t really have anything else to fall back on. So… now what? My anxiety and depression is higher than ever before even though I’m physically healthier than I’ve been in a long while.
Do I go to therapy? I’ve been offered pills by doctors but that’s not where I want to find happiness.
I’m going to continue to try and work on myself but man it’s been an uphill battle. Just when I think I’m nearing the top I realize that I’ve only just crested another hill and have even further to go.
Not sure how much longer I have to endure this but I’m going to keep trying. I’ll figure it out… I always have, even if it’s been by trial and error… It’s just not fun.
I wish you the best of lucks though
Point being is whatever your gut feeling is telling you what you need to do to better help yourself get to a better mental well being I say do it. Therapy can do wonders if the person going is willing to put in the work outside of it too. As its just a guide to help you learn tools to deal with life easier and to become stronger in all things.