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Battling with ADHD - Therapy, Motivation, and my Art
4 years ago
General
Hi guys! This will be more of a personal journal entry than anything. I will be talking about my struggle with my diagnosis with ADHD and how I'm trying to work with it.
I tend to try to keep updates and journals on my art accounts only about my art, commissions, etc. But for the last couple years, honestly since I've been working and leaving my parents house (honestly, since I've became a full-fledged adult and living on my own) my art production has dipped. Tremendously. My focus, especially when I first left my abusive household, was on surviving - getting a job, paying rent and bills, figuring out HOW to be a functional adult. I'm sort of there, I have an okay-decent paying job (well, above minimum wage that is), a loving and healthy relationship, and I finally got new glasses for my receding eyesight. So far so good. I really want to avoid saying "I'm on track and life is good" because I'm still far from it if I'm being absolutely honest.
After a couple years of suspicions and self doubt and overall back and forth about my mental health, I finally got the courage to see a therapist again. I got diagnosed with ADHD, which, honestly, was a fucking RELIEF. Because now all my unfinished projects, lack of ability to follow through on things, distractions for minuscule things and disorganization and constant brain clutter makes sense as to having ADHD. I can only focus on one major thing at a time, and because art was my focus when I was a teenager (albeit I never cared for school lmao) I was pumping out art and was able to stay active in art communities. Now that my focus is work (even though I don't like where I am) to survive, I have very little mental energy to focus on my art. Work and art are my two major focusing points, can only pick one is how my brain wants to work.
I started meds last Sunday, and holy shit. I don't think my head has ever been so... quiet. Ever. Today is my first day since thing I didn't take my meds (I woke up too late and rather not stay up all night, got work in the morning) and I've already been noticing the changes. I have a pile of laundry stacked on me and my girlfriends bed and instead of doing it first thing like I promised myself when I woke up this morning it's almost 2pm and I'm working an essay about my ADHD struggles lmao.
I wouldn't say this week on my meds have been life-changing, but they definitely, definitely help. I'm taking things one step at a time, me and my girlfriend have been monitoring my symptoms and side-affects of the meds. For the record; I am terrified of becoming addicted so I'm on quite a low dose. However, so far, they're working, and I'm hoping it'll give me the tools I need to do the things I want to do - the ability to do art AND work without my head exploding and crashing.
Besides this, I'm working on opening commissions officially again, opening a Fiverr account where I'd feel it be much easier to keep track of my commissions, and getting back into producing art regularly again. I feel like I've said that sentence so many times and nothing comes of it, yet now I feel like I'm actually doing something about it which includes my mental health. But I won't hold that statement solidly. I'm still only on week 1 of medication, getting my life together, and I kinda wanna take things... slow. Gradually.
I sincerely hopes this works out.
I am so sorry for not being active on here. I'm sorry I haven't replied to anyones comments, believe me, I want to, I read them and my bad habit is replying in my head and instantly forgetting to reply. I appreciate everyone who's favorited, commented, and followed me and given my art some attention. It means SO much to me. I can't thank you all enough. <3
Be safe out there guys, take care of yourselves and be kind to yourself. I'll talk to you again later!
<3
I tend to try to keep updates and journals on my art accounts only about my art, commissions, etc. But for the last couple years, honestly since I've been working and leaving my parents house (honestly, since I've became a full-fledged adult and living on my own) my art production has dipped. Tremendously. My focus, especially when I first left my abusive household, was on surviving - getting a job, paying rent and bills, figuring out HOW to be a functional adult. I'm sort of there, I have an okay-decent paying job (well, above minimum wage that is), a loving and healthy relationship, and I finally got new glasses for my receding eyesight. So far so good. I really want to avoid saying "I'm on track and life is good" because I'm still far from it if I'm being absolutely honest.
After a couple years of suspicions and self doubt and overall back and forth about my mental health, I finally got the courage to see a therapist again. I got diagnosed with ADHD, which, honestly, was a fucking RELIEF. Because now all my unfinished projects, lack of ability to follow through on things, distractions for minuscule things and disorganization and constant brain clutter makes sense as to having ADHD. I can only focus on one major thing at a time, and because art was my focus when I was a teenager (albeit I never cared for school lmao) I was pumping out art and was able to stay active in art communities. Now that my focus is work (even though I don't like where I am) to survive, I have very little mental energy to focus on my art. Work and art are my two major focusing points, can only pick one is how my brain wants to work.
I started meds last Sunday, and holy shit. I don't think my head has ever been so... quiet. Ever. Today is my first day since thing I didn't take my meds (I woke up too late and rather not stay up all night, got work in the morning) and I've already been noticing the changes. I have a pile of laundry stacked on me and my girlfriends bed and instead of doing it first thing like I promised myself when I woke up this morning it's almost 2pm and I'm working an essay about my ADHD struggles lmao.
I wouldn't say this week on my meds have been life-changing, but they definitely, definitely help. I'm taking things one step at a time, me and my girlfriend have been monitoring my symptoms and side-affects of the meds. For the record; I am terrified of becoming addicted so I'm on quite a low dose. However, so far, they're working, and I'm hoping it'll give me the tools I need to do the things I want to do - the ability to do art AND work without my head exploding and crashing.
Besides this, I'm working on opening commissions officially again, opening a Fiverr account where I'd feel it be much easier to keep track of my commissions, and getting back into producing art regularly again. I feel like I've said that sentence so many times and nothing comes of it, yet now I feel like I'm actually doing something about it which includes my mental health. But I won't hold that statement solidly. I'm still only on week 1 of medication, getting my life together, and I kinda wanna take things... slow. Gradually.
I sincerely hopes this works out.
I am so sorry for not being active on here. I'm sorry I haven't replied to anyones comments, believe me, I want to, I read them and my bad habit is replying in my head and instantly forgetting to reply. I appreciate everyone who's favorited, commented, and followed me and given my art some attention. It means SO much to me. I can't thank you all enough. <3
Be safe out there guys, take care of yourselves and be kind to yourself. I'll talk to you again later!
<3
