Things in my life are really not going great for me right now. If I seem slow to respond to messages or not respond at all Ive been dealing with a lot of family dysfunction and have just been trying to survive. Ive been on edge the past couple of months because of living in an environment where I don't want to be up during the day because I fear of getting yelled at or setting my dad off. If I miss step he threatens homelessness sets me into fight or flight mode because ever since the age of 8 weave had to move from house to house because we couldn't afford anything and knowing I cant support myself unless working nonstop has made me absolutely misrible. all this stress has made me fall back into really bad habbits. I use to be the kind of person who would use drugs everysingle day and I was able to stop in 2020-2021 but relapsed and still trying to fight the erge to use and not fail a drugtest so I can still get my medication. please be patient with me on commission stuff all of this stuff has been hitting me at once and ive been very overwhelmed. I still want to finish them but I really have to get my life on track again. Ive tried therapy but trying to express your discomfort with a therapist when your parent will try and listen through the door makes it impossible to vent out your frustrations without being scolded. living with someone whos borderline and narcissistic is a living nightmare I really want to end. Ive been having suicidal ideation everyday for the past 7 months and I dont really know how much I can take. I wish I can talk to people but I struggle so much because I just cant open myself up to people without questioning there intentions.

please just be patient with me IDK whats gonna happen within the next few months.