I tried to download this file to read it but it keeps saying 404 File Not Found.

Ok, I think I fixed it, see if it works now.

Hmm. Things I liked:
It flowed and read quickly. No glaring mistakes, spelling errors don't bother me as much as lack of skill. You do have skill I can tell, although things are a little raw yet. The storyline is cool, alot you can do with it, and I like the anger.

Your flow of events happens in a way that is very comic book like, which I found interesting. Each scene is very short and everything moves along quickly. I am not sure whether this is good or not.

I think you can def improve on your descriptions. Without them, your story is a bit "skeletonized," some events leaving us a little confused to as why they happened. Give us more mental pictures of what people look like, what they are doing and why they are doing it. I know you put alot of work into this, keep up the good work!

First of all thanks for commenting. Second, I agree that it seemed skeletonized(Good word), That will improve as time goes on. As for short scenes, they should get longer as things go on.

I finally got your story and will be reading it soon.

freakin cool dude!

a suggestion... if youre gonna do it comic book-style, maybe you could include short scenes of important antagonists in conversations that foreshadow events to come? idk if youre including that in later chapters ^_^

You mean the classic dark room with all the villens discussing their plans? Cause that is coming fairly soon.

I found this quiet enjoyable, few grammatical errors, but really nothing to ding some one on ^^....I read this like AWHILE ago but Im now commenting on it...sad huh, well Im off to read the other chapters.. but all in all this was an enjoyable read

Thanks much for the comment, and they get better as it goes on. This one really was just a warm up for me.

interesting, are you reffering to yourself as Shade or Shade Hitomi?

in this i am reffered to solely as Shade...hitomi doesn't even really come into this story, as i started it way back just before i met him....at anyrate, since we both have the first name of shade chosen...he is Shade hitomi, and i am Shade Rinald.

Thanks for clearing that up for me!