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"...For I'm just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh, Lord. Please don't let me be misunderstood..."
I heard the above when I listened to the Kill Bill: Vol. 1 soundtrack on the song Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood by Santa Esmeralda. Quite profound, don't you think? Especially when you think of how some of us aren't quite "like the rest" and struggle every day to "fit in" while trying our absolute best to feel good about who-and-what we are both inside and out.
But how does one actually achieve either social or self acceptance? The following is a short story of how I have recently come one step closer to it.
Over the years I"ve spent on FA, I've had honor and pleasure of meeting so many wonderful people. Folks who, in being who and what they are, empowered me to start believing in myself and stop trying to hide the "real me" like I had been for so many years.
Equipped with wisdom and encouragement from my wife and all of you, I marched into my therapy session yesterday on a mission. That being, as my therapist put it, to "Own my Adulthood".
How did I do it? Well, first of all, I brought AB Universe, Super Dry Kids diaper to work with me. That's right. Inside my work satchel I had a scented, cushy diaper that was hidden by only the zipper of my case and the plastic bag I stuffed it in. Nothing more. The purpose of this was to see how truly comfortable I could be knowing that, if someone just happened to catch me, I could be confident enough to stand my ground and explain myself.
Of course, as I work in a lonely cubicle all day, there was really no fear of anyone seeing what was in the case. But, for me, knowing I could sit confidently and do my 8 hour shift knowing my "secret" was right there beside me made me feel very proud of myself.
Now for the therapy session. I went in with guns blazing as I openly discussed how some of the cutesy stuff I engage in could be seen as "cub porn". I enhanced this by stating how my RPs with those closest to me allow me to better know and appreciate the bonds I have made with my closest of close friends and that our actions in character are more than just "cheap thrills". Rather, they are a way of showing love, affection, and trust without the bother of words making everything so "black and white".
The next part was when I actually pulled the diaper out and showed it to my therapist. She had never seen one before and was very surprised that it had bear prints on it. She even asked to hold it, which I obliged as I explained how the comfort, texture, sound, and smell of it are what put me in a relaxed, stress-free, and comfortable state.
Long story short, the culmination of everything was exactly what I had wanted it to be. I opened up all my closets in front of someone who had no close ties with me and whom I knew could easily put me in the most uncomfortable state ever. After all, she's a professionally trained to spot people with serious issues and is obligated to report, or institutionalize, folks who are "mentally unstable". However, she didn't and, moreover, I had two major revelations.
1: Although my visual disability has largely caused me to become who I am, it does not define me nor stop me from finding ways in which to be happy and content with my life.
2: My actions on FA are my quest to find kindred spirits with whom I can relate and become trusting and caring friends with. Emphasis on "trust" as, until FA, I had no outlet to understand, share, or be happy with who I am on the inside. Knowing that, through Yosh E. O'Ducky, I can meet others, have fun with others, and eventually befriend, know, and trust the individual beyond the fursona is one of the greatest joys I have and I hope I can keep doing it for a long time to come.
For all those who read this, know I wrote it as it is depicted. Me at my most honest, true, and humble self. No guarding or deflection. I am me. I am happy to be me. And, most importantly, I am happy you all can be happy with me, too.
Your Pal
---Yosh E. O'Ducky ;)
I heard the above when I listened to the Kill Bill: Vol. 1 soundtrack on the song Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood by Santa Esmeralda. Quite profound, don't you think? Especially when you think of how some of us aren't quite "like the rest" and struggle every day to "fit in" while trying our absolute best to feel good about who-and-what we are both inside and out.
But how does one actually achieve either social or self acceptance? The following is a short story of how I have recently come one step closer to it.
Over the years I"ve spent on FA, I've had honor and pleasure of meeting so many wonderful people. Folks who, in being who and what they are, empowered me to start believing in myself and stop trying to hide the "real me" like I had been for so many years.
Equipped with wisdom and encouragement from my wife and all of you, I marched into my therapy session yesterday on a mission. That being, as my therapist put it, to "Own my Adulthood".
How did I do it? Well, first of all, I brought AB Universe, Super Dry Kids diaper to work with me. That's right. Inside my work satchel I had a scented, cushy diaper that was hidden by only the zipper of my case and the plastic bag I stuffed it in. Nothing more. The purpose of this was to see how truly comfortable I could be knowing that, if someone just happened to catch me, I could be confident enough to stand my ground and explain myself.
Of course, as I work in a lonely cubicle all day, there was really no fear of anyone seeing what was in the case. But, for me, knowing I could sit confidently and do my 8 hour shift knowing my "secret" was right there beside me made me feel very proud of myself.
Now for the therapy session. I went in with guns blazing as I openly discussed how some of the cutesy stuff I engage in could be seen as "cub porn". I enhanced this by stating how my RPs with those closest to me allow me to better know and appreciate the bonds I have made with my closest of close friends and that our actions in character are more than just "cheap thrills". Rather, they are a way of showing love, affection, and trust without the bother of words making everything so "black and white".
The next part was when I actually pulled the diaper out and showed it to my therapist. She had never seen one before and was very surprised that it had bear prints on it. She even asked to hold it, which I obliged as I explained how the comfort, texture, sound, and smell of it are what put me in a relaxed, stress-free, and comfortable state.
Long story short, the culmination of everything was exactly what I had wanted it to be. I opened up all my closets in front of someone who had no close ties with me and whom I knew could easily put me in the most uncomfortable state ever. After all, she's a professionally trained to spot people with serious issues and is obligated to report, or institutionalize, folks who are "mentally unstable". However, she didn't and, moreover, I had two major revelations.
1: Although my visual disability has largely caused me to become who I am, it does not define me nor stop me from finding ways in which to be happy and content with my life.
2: My actions on FA are my quest to find kindred spirits with whom I can relate and become trusting and caring friends with. Emphasis on "trust" as, until FA, I had no outlet to understand, share, or be happy with who I am on the inside. Knowing that, through Yosh E. O'Ducky, I can meet others, have fun with others, and eventually befriend, know, and trust the individual beyond the fursona is one of the greatest joys I have and I hope I can keep doing it for a long time to come.
For all those who read this, know I wrote it as it is depicted. Me at my most honest, true, and humble self. No guarding or deflection. I am me. I am happy to be me. And, most importantly, I am happy you all can be happy with me, too.
Your Pal
---Yosh E. O'Ducky ;)
Category All / Baby fur
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 849 x 701px
File Size 344.1 kB
Listed in Folders
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
The new updates to FA are causing a brief session of "bugs". As a Business Analyst (Software Tester) I empathise with the Administration as new changes often do result in shot periods of post-implementation repair.
To see the comments that appeared on the original, please go here -> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6694685
The new updates to FA are causing a brief session of "bugs". As a Business Analyst (Software Tester) I empathise with the Administration as new changes often do result in shot periods of post-implementation repair.
To see the comments that appeared on the original, please go here -> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6694685
Aww, I'm very proud of you that were able to do that. It is great having a good therapist too who actually is understanding and tries to help you. Unfortunately, I've heard many stories of so called "professionals" telling them that there is something wrong with them just because they like diapers.
It takes a lot of stress out of one's day to come to an acceptance of who they are and not constantly trying to hide it. It is so good that you can do that now ^^
It takes a lot of stress out of one's day to come to an acceptance of who they are and not constantly trying to hide it. It is so good that you can do that now ^^
Thank you, Aura. It's been a long process in the making and, most definately, I still have progress to make. However, it is nice to be able to look inside and not feel so much, if any, self loathing anymore.
As for my therapist, I often wonder what she "really thinks". Some of the things she says make me curious as to what is actually on her mind. However, like a true professional, she just lets me go-and-go and expects me to do all the work.
Truly, when you think of it, therapy is a rather worthless thing unless you truly are looking to "personally" get something out of it. The reason for it is, as I've found, therapists don't give absolutes or clear-cut opinions. Rather, they just prod you to dig-and-dig into yourself until you reach whatever it is you never knew what there all along. :)
As for my therapist, I often wonder what she "really thinks". Some of the things she says make me curious as to what is actually on her mind. However, like a true professional, she just lets me go-and-go and expects me to do all the work.
Truly, when you think of it, therapy is a rather worthless thing unless you truly are looking to "personally" get something out of it. The reason for it is, as I've found, therapists don't give absolutes or clear-cut opinions. Rather, they just prod you to dig-and-dig into yourself until you reach whatever it is you never knew what there all along. :)
Awwww, I'm glad ya could open up to a therapist like that. ^^ I have done that as well, some years ago, and both therapist and psychologist had never had an AB patient before. But they were very supportive and researched it, and realized that nothing was wrong with it. Even though I have depression and anxiety disorder, they know the AB/babyfur part is a way to help me relax and deal with that. *huggles*
*crinklehugs back* You're so right, Ozzie. The more I'm actually able to wear adult-sized, baby diapers, the more I am getting to understand just how relaxing it is to be in that "hatchy state of mind". The feel, smell, and sound of it really just takes me to a place where I no longer feel so, well, overwhelmed.
Thanks for sharing your story, too, Ozzie. It's always a pleasure to be so open with others who are as kind and willing to share times as you. :)
Thanks for sharing your story, too, Ozzie. It's always a pleasure to be so open with others who are as kind and willing to share times as you. :)
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