09/14

Ol'"you" would hate new "you" for saying that, but... I got used to it.

I've never wanted to write a private journal, don't know, never felt like my thoughts were worthy being kept, like my experience had some sort of importance, of special value. For myself, nor for anyone. Though this morning, for once, I had a feeling, a sensation, a shiver in my body - gossebumps from my mane to my claws ,- I would like to remember. This clear and clean impression that, despite it shouldn't be that way, I got used it.

Remember? How the first week was? I would have sworn my nightmares will never stop, that I'll always wake up soaked in sweat. And covered in fur. Each dawn was the same shock. *sigh* ... The transformation in itself was... the moment I will remember 'til I die. And will surely be the last memory I'll dwell on when I'll pass away. Useless to describe it, there're no words. And I doubt any future "you" would lose the perfect remembrance of the swelling muscles, growing teeth and sprouting fur. I've heard some have fainted right after they've changed. Well... each awakening was exactly as stricking as the transformation itself. Expecting my flat human feet, getting these... beasts' ones. Excepting the mild smell of coffee, getting this air swarming with all the odors of my neighborhood, filling warmly what was nothing else but my muzzle! My... muzzle, my snout. MY! I was still the human me in this body, and the human me couldn't accept to call it "mine".

This body of a fox...

I mean, now I think of it, I don't want to complain. Some have became boars, monkeys or walruses. Wait! If anyone reads this, first, please close this diary, it's called respect. Then, if respect isn't your stuff, know that I'm not specist. Boars, monkeys and walruses are fine, may they live the best possible life. But I wouldn't have liked to become one! I, with hindsight, feel relieved and lucky. Thanks this... thanks what? No one really knows, why it happened. Thanks, this God?! Some say it was a kind of divine punishment. Fervent believers preach it was because makind was rotting in sin, most countries letting gays mary and women abort freely, that we had to repent truly to get our human bodies again. Let me say one think: lol. If mankind was decaying, furrykind is no better. Treehuggers say it was Mother Earth desperately showing us we had to be vegan, for its sake. Don't beleive in that neither. But I would prefer this one, if I had to choose. Sins haven't ceased, meat production has. Or perhaps actually, Thanks this alien experiment which has, from outer space, messed up with our genes. Anyway, no matter what, the result is the same: no one knows who to thank. Or to blame.

I blame not. What does it mean, if not that this is not serious, after all? No, I shouldn't say that... Some haven't been able to take it, and, well... Prefered to end sooner. It's serious, but it's not an insurmountable ordeal. Days, weeks, months of tears and crises, depending on mental strength. I didn't want to eat, didn't want to go outside. The world, these first weeks, was a total mess. But luckily mankind... or furrykind, should I say, found a stable point rapidly.

And... I got used to it. We got used it (except Thomas, poor him!). I imagined that seeing this world beeing peopled by anthro wolves, eagles and sharks, cats, frogs and lizards was something I will always struggle to see as normal. And know what? Now, it is normal. I shiver again, now I realize how plastic habits, that if I can so easily forget a body I've lived in for decades, that's I've known from my birth, if I call this fox body mine now... I can call anything "me". And honestly, it freaks me out...

See you perhaps.