CARTOON FOX POTION
by A. Griffin

---

Chug down a nice refreshing
cartoon fox potion.

Drink away your humanity
and plug into the fox quotient.

Get covered in soft fur the color of rust,
and stick a smile on your snout
the suckers know they can trust.

Think some tricky thoughts,
swing that new tail you've got,
and dance with rubber hose limbs
that you can tie in a knot.

Walk on two legs,
or four,
the choice is all yours,
you're an adaptable creature
with wits to settle the score.

Put on some white mitts,
so your paws don't get dirty,
and your body's elastic,
so falling anvils
ain't a worry.

It feels good to be furry
when normality wears thin,
so take the tonic to turn on
the toon antics within.

You were meant for this,
it was just a matter of when,
and trying out a
toon critter body
isn't a sin.

Clever crafting commences,
the fox mission begins:
build the contraption
to make off with all of Farmer Brown's hens!

It's time for cunning equipment,
but don't buy it from Acme.
Don't blow yourself up,
you're a fox, not a coyote.

Don't leave your paw prints,
just draw up the blueprints.
Follow your own instructions
and the margin-written comments.

It isn't weird,
you're just an egg theft engineer,
and your train of thought is out of control -
so stoke the fire of your engine
with anthropomorphic fox coal.

Suction cups get you up,
grappling hooks get the job done.
Brew some coffee
cause you'll spend a while
scheming this one.

Run up with a bag and nab em?
Fine, but lacking in madness.
You're smarter than that -
expand your ambitions,
you've got this!

Tenaciously add capacity -
a bigger bag holds more chickens,
and a machine hand to hold the bag,
would be a sly decision.

Your stomach is rumbling,
and you hear those eggs calling,
but getting what you want
is your defining fox quality.

Keep the birds quiet,
or they'll tell on your fox bum.
When Farmer Brown hears 'em clucking,
he'll run out with his shotgun -
but you're cunning,
and toon animal legs
always outrun.

Do you need some accomplices?
Nah, do it all yourself.
You've got a clever predator brain,
so be your own help.

You'll never know if you don't try,
don't freeze yourself in doubt,
cause when the whiskers come out,
using your noodle is what it's all about.

These noodles don't come with eggs,
you gotta get em' from someplace,
so operate your chicken-nabbing robot
like a pilot ace.

This is your show,
make trouble happen
before the credits roll -
cause naughty animals
laugh last
when their stomachs are full.

Don't follow the herd,
you aren't a sheep,
so they can't blind you
with your own wool -
make your means,
follow your own path,
and you're unstoppable.

And when the potion wears off, it's too late,
you're already a winner,
wipe away the paint,
and get home
to cook your chicken dinner.

It doesn't matter what on earth they put in this stuff,
creature hijinks are fun,
so the contents are good enough -
and the formula
induces the growth
of extra tail fluff.

Keep some bottles in the fridge:
that taste was too good to forget -
next time, give a friend one,
and be a toon critter double-threat.

Have a chicken and egg feast,
then head to bed to digest those yolks,
you had a great day,
but for now,
that's all folks!

---

Dedicated to Chuck Jones.
And cartoons.
And foxes.
And potions.


Thanks to Jayvee Enaguas for providing THE ARTWORK.

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