(my GOSH that title pun is bad)

"why HELLO there, foolish adventurer, as by daring to approach me in this forbidden place, you have just cursed yourself into an eight-limbed FREAK now and forever! Never will you be recognized by any of your brethren aga- wait, what do you mean you just texted your friend?"

"...and stop calling me cool, before I CURSE YOU... again... or something. whatever. Just stop that please. And yes, I am VERY cursed, thank you for noticing."

"...could you please fix my pedestal, at least? ..maybe?"

EDIT: follow-up