I have heard before, "if it's too late to forgive, then just give"
Sometimes, you have to swallow a lack of emotional closure if you want a chance to be with someone important to you again..
And this is a very well made vent piece, I hope it helped bring your mind a little more rest

It is a too big and too old story. So I'm not over it yet. I have struggled it for years. But I'm trying with this approach. I hope I persevere long enough.

I was powerless as a child and I'm still powerless about these things.
The main antagonist is dead for years, and I was happy but the damage is still here. I shifted the blame to other members because they should have noticed it, they should have made it stop, but that never happened. And I didn't trust them enough to ask for help, and I'm still sure they wouldn't believe me if I had told them as a child what happened. They believed anything bad about me, so I would have got blamed for it or just simply called liar.
Small things added up after that. They didn't get why I was so reserved why I avoided my grandparents at all cost. Why am I so detached with all of the family. I escaped into a dream where I'm free and invulnerable
.
I keep my distance from them. They need to force if they want to talk to me or meet me (Covid makes easier for me to avoid them). And I asked helps from professionals and I'm still go to doctors and therapy.

Yes, they are. They should be my most close allies yet I'm always in stress when I'm close to them.