*hugs u* u will make it from day to day take lil steps

\o3o/ You can do et! Things will be alright

hugs you tight

Everything is going to be ok Iza! I know is hard. You are one of my favorite artists of all time and I will always be here to support you <3

-gently hugs and presses you against the warm scales-
I know that words can't change much on this state and that you are the last one who would want to be in this state at all. But know that I and many others don't think like that about you. I know that this can't change much about these feelings...but I want you to know that we also see the other side of you...the one you might not see yourself have a hard time to see. You are a very very wonderful, kind and nice person.....it's awesome to talk with you...you are an incredibly skilled and creative artist and it is awesome to have you around.
It's hard...this world is a crazy place....these days especially...but we need to stay strong, show our fangs....and roar out loud and proud......you can do that.....I know you can. Stay strong. Keep fighting.
Just remember after the darkest nights the most wonderful sunrise will await you....Keep on fighting..and you can be sure...we will be at your side.

I'm glad you've kept going; that actually makes you brave! Don't forget, you're never alone. And you're damn talented too!

I don’t know you, but I relate to this very very much.
Suicidal ideation is hard to deal with... and I usually react the same way, I shut myself away from others. I keep a screwgun and a couple 4 inch screws by my bedroom door... in case I need to screw my door shut for a few days.
And every time I do it, I feel uh... pretty ashamed and down about myself.
But I’m sure you are doing your best with the tools available to you. It sounds like you have already taken some very good steps such as meds and therapy and that’s something to be proud of! I’m a total stranger and i’m proud of you, so you should try and be proud of yourself too. I know it’s easier said than done, though.
Personally, something that has helped me other than the meds and therapy is making a real effort to rely on my friends and loved ones more. It’s extremely tempting to run away from them, but Try to let them be a support system, even if it sometimes feels like you’re being a burden... If they really care about you, I am sure they will be happy to lend a hand, or at least an ear. They probably even appreciate it.
I really wish you luck with all of this 🥺💕🫂 You can do it! Tiquana is right, one small step at a time. And don’t be hard on yourself, this is a very difficult thing.
I believe in you!

In my experience, nothing anyone can say or do can change how someone feels. For those who truly look for a way out, somewhere, someway, sometime, they will find it.

That said, I hope you are as cowardly as you think you are. You are incredibly talented and would be missed, I'm sure. Talent alone does not make one's life valuable, but your talent is not purely your own. You create things that inspire emotions in others. As if to pluck something from one's imagination and make it tangible in some way. I'm sure I can't be the only one for whom your art evokes emotions that are hard to describe. To put it more bluntly, many people can draw pornography, but seldom can one make it beautiful. Your art consistently possesses more emotion and splendor than everyday life. As if the entire story behind a piece could be somehow be conveyed by a single image.

I hope that you can feel things this deeply with your art, or at least comprehend it the way others do.

Look at suicide this way: You're throwing your life in the garbage if you do it, and you wouldn't want to waste your life like that.

Hugs.

We all go through crappy tired periods in our lives, but we're here for you, and for your beautiful art works

*HUGS*

... And just to be that asshole, I'm pretty sure you meant "Cannon" in the title.

I wasn't sure but now i know xD

The trick is 2 n's for the weapon, one n for the lore.

:(

You to? I hit a break yesterday and I'm feeling the same way. Hope we get the help we need.

I wish this wasn't a perfect description of both my childhood and how I feel to this day...
I really feel with you and hope beyond anything you find your way and any help that actually HELPS you.
That feeling of not wanting to exist, but not wanting to off yourself... it's weird... know that you're not alone having that feeling

Every day you hold out, you've given your depression another punch in the face, which is the only thing depression deserves.

I went and dug this up, because the message helped me in the past: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....ressionowl.jpg

This is wonderful, thanks for sharing! <3

take breaks, take self care days and let me know if theres anything I can do to help <3 my DMs are always open Iza

I've been there, try to attempted with my own car and changed at the last minute. Been hospitalized and been through the whole song and dance. We all have our own battle and no one has the same experience, but people who care about you are the greatest strength to help you through the dark times.
As everyone is saying here, it is small steps and that's all we can do.

If you can't think of yourself in a positive way, then we will for you. You're talented, and far stronger than you think for speaking of your weaknesses. Just don't let them define you. But most of all, thank you.

For being here.

It's hard to feel anything when you feel imprisoned, sometimes it's exhausting just to find a way to feel! Just trying to find a mood to relate with can be draining in itself, especially if you don't feel assured that your needs are truly being listened. This world truly cannot be shaped to our needs until we become cowards, so maybe it's OK to be cowardly and insane

Glad you are just being, I hope everything can go well

I can relate. My challenges and pain are not the same as yours, but being an artist, or any non-anonymous “public” figure, self-image is a real roller coaster. This is beautiful and you’re a beautiful person.

You are amazing. Your work brings joy to many of us every day and that's a wonderful contribution to the world. We love you for it.

Hang in there. Keep on putting one foot in front of the other. Brighter days lie ahead!

Best wishes from Rev and myself. :0)

You do not have positive thoughts about yourself..well let's ask yourself some things.

When you look at your art, what do you feel?
Why do you feel that way?

What do those that are closest to you cherish about you?
Why do you think that is?

I can only think of these two subjects at the moment. Hopefully others can think of other self reflecting questions, or you can try to think of some yourself that center around things that are important to you.

*hugs* You have my every sympathies. Our brains can really fail us, become traps of their own. I used to be pretty capable, but lately I have a lot of days where I can't experience enjoyment, and I'm having to abandon my career. It sounds like we have had similar experiences.

I really hope that eventually doctors can do more. There's at least a lot of promising research going on. You make lovely art, and you make a lot of people happy with that. I hope your brain permits you happyness of your own more often.

I'm glad to hear you're getting help already. It's definitely not a fun position to be in and I hope you'll get out of it as soon as possible. All I can recommend is take care of yourself even in moments where you feel like you should work instead, because your own wellbeing is more important than work. If you need people to talk with, you know I'm here to listen to you, just like all your other friends <3

I know it's tough, but I'm sure you can fight through it

As I read through your post I got really impressed that I could take every word and apply it to me. I share the same experience you describe with the only exception that I dont take any medications. Wishing you all the best on this fight agaist your inner demons. It might not look like it right now but this is a fight worth taking. Dont give them the pleasure of seeing you defeated.

I'm glad to see you got so much support and love from your fans! So I'll be one of the few folks here to tell you that the actual posted piece here is absolutely beautiful, even without the words in the description I can feel the emotions steeped deeply within this piece of art. The despair of someone who is hanging on and trying to be strong but is constantly being chipped away, Its striking and I'm glad to see the porcelain like floor is not cracking yet!

Of course I like everyone else here I am hoping you hang in there. I can't tell you life is fun, but I can tell you that it's about searching for your own meaning! We are always marching towards our ends.. The only thing we can do is try to make that March the most fun we can.

I understand your situation so well as I'm struggling myself. Sending tons of hugs your way!

I agree. Sometimes, brains just need to shut up.

About the twenty years of shit that you had to put up with.. I'm going to say that most of it wasn't your fault. That's because hurting and angry people rub off on other hurting (or angry) people. (It's true too!)

I have dealt with it as well and most of the BS stemmed from people that were raised by awful parental figures, got into a few bad scrapes in their lives, or even both. And, most of those people are good people that still struggle with their ugly past lives.

Taking breaks from social media isn't what I would call 'running away' - in fact, that's usually what I call normal. As for your peers, just let them know that you need some time away, and that you will come back. They'll understand.

Hope that this comment helps out!

Your art is so full of emotion and love, i wish you could save some of it for yourself, you deserve to feel loved and love yourself.

I know how it feels to be in this position, and I wish I could say more but I think that you're doing the right thing by taking medication and visiting therapy. Take care of yourself.

Iza, I know you. You were always the good spirit of every company you were in and I remember you as such. The person to introduce a newcomer to everybody, the person to get fun ideas or tell amusing stories. You're great and I look forward to seeing you again.

Mind and feelings are pure chaos. They don't make sense more often than they do. So, from one broken person to another - we might see the worst in ourselves, but we've got to be there for those who see the best in us. At least until we can stand on our own feet. You can do this, you had things figured out once and can return there again. I understand the need to hide, to run away. Some people won't care. In fact, many won't. Such is the world we live in. But there will be those who won't be discouraged. Let them in, they're the way out. Stay strong, dear.

Best I can do is to send ya a virtual hug Izak. We all have bad days, sometimes, really shitty ones. But, the day after is a new one, and sun can shine. I found in your art all the thing I like and dream to have IRL. And just that makes you a formidable artist absolutely worth to watch and follow. As for fighting your demons, as I fought mines (despite they sometimes try another charge to come back), therapy/meds/specialist can help, but the best way to heal and the best help, is the one coming from the ppl around you IRL, like your boyfriend, your family, and your best buds. Their support, is the strongest thing, so if I can only advice one thing, talk to them milady, don't let the silence eating you. They can help you, lend their shoulder and their arms for you, that's why they're here. I can only cross fingers, and wish the best for you girl, in the hope you'll get better soon

Hugs, you will always have ma support bud!

we love ya here!

I can't say much, but you're an amazing artist and I'm glad I found you.

I understand that feeling and knowing are different experiences that don't always line up, especially if we have experienced great hardship(or still are). I very sorry you've been treated poorly, but I hope your therapist is helping you to recognize your own value.

I suspect you also have other emptiness in your life. Perhaps closeness that you are not confident enough to share with others, or feel that some other profound aspect is missing. Some of my Therian friends for example, seem to struggle a lot with this. Talking helps. Do you have people you can talk to who you feel relate to your pain?

I can relate to most of the things you mentioned. Emotional healing is a long and arduous process and things can feel like utter shit. Though with enough time It's very much possible to get to a better state of mind and being. I hope you'll pull through.

Hang in there. I'm in that boat too. I don't prescribe to the "It gets better" motto. Rather, I prescribe to "Time will pass, and the brain will soon get tired of being sad or the meds will kick in. Then I can think clearly and get to a better place. Breath." looking at the comments, You got quite a few folk willing to help you out!

Also If its any encouragement. I love your work and hope to commission you one day. <3

Please don't do anything dumb. You have people that love you and care about you. You can get through this.

If being coward makes that many people around you happy with what you create and they send you support vibes back.... means kind of.. love and recognition. Also... you are that unstable and struggling and... only most talented and admirable people are like you. I won't lie if I say we all arer just 010100101001 and letters from the whole world for ya.. but you are a bright light for many of us in the darkness of reality.

There're so many of us who struggle, too - in the same and in different ways - and you art, streams and life is somewhat a cozy fireplace in a warm house in a cold and windy nights. I wish you all thee best and GOOD LUCK which plays the most role in our lives!!
With Love,
-<@

*Hugs* Don't do suicide, it would be a great loss.

I understand life is hard often and brings us to the very limits of what we can take, physically and mentally. There is nothing to forgive about not being strong all the time, every single step of the way. Life has a talent to find our weak spots and get some good hits there at the most inconvenient or even horrible times.
This goes double if you are an empathic person, trying to light up the lives of every single person you meet in life: sometimes the light you send out is not enough, we cannot brighten evenone's day for so many reasons and this can cause a negative backlash.
Remember that even the darkest hour will pass and you will make it through for your family and friends. <3 What counts are all the times you can manage to make someone else happy and you make people around the globe happy with sharing your artwork! This world would be a darker place without your presence.
You are indeed a lot stronger then you think, alone speaking out in public about this is very brave. Keep walking, one step at a time - and if need be crawl on all fours ... but never give up <3

I once told my mother years ago, "Mom, you're the happiest sad person I know." It was true at the time, but she has improved allot in later years. She seemed to always have a smile on in all the turmoil. She held onto a reason to smile and a reason to go forward.

In spite all your sadness you manage to create some very happy things. Some thing in your life some where must be helping! At least I hope so. That you have a reason to go forward, and draw the smiles even when you can't wear them.

I am glad you've been able to create a happy place for yourself in others in your art work. Thanks for sharing yourself as much as you do.

Re: being unable to think of yourself in a positive way.. at some point, sometimes you just have to admit to yourself that you do not have an objective view of your worth and your own opinion of your value cannot be trusted. You have to look to others, those that love and care about you, those that support you and clearly value you as a person, to see what you really mean to the world. Years of being treated poorly works up an 'abuser voice' in your head, a collection of all the people who've been shitty to you continuing, inside you, to hurt you. Argue with it. You wouldn't let someone talk about one of your friends that way, so don't put up with that horrible little voice treating you the way it wants to. You have been through enough, and do not deserve more pain on top of it. That nasty little voice is not you, nor does it ever tell the truth - it's the echoes of your past reaching into your present to keep trying to do harm. Don't give the people from your past the satisfaction of continuing to hurt you when they're gone. Stand up for yourself TO yourself. And trust your loved ones' opinions of you. Even if it feels like they're doing or saying things 'just to make you feel better', remember that in order to WANT to make you feel better, they have to care about you in the first place.

A lot of advice may or may not be helpful now, but I hope it's at least something to think over. We don't know each other, but at least one random stranger hopes your life improves and you feel better about yourself. ♥

A very familiar description ...
Nevertheless, I wish you courage and strength to endure, for in fact they will always be ...

What's that fundamental emotion that lies behind all this? Can you put words on it? Guilt perhaps. Not for any particular reason but just an overall feeling of guilt, making you feel inadequate, that you're in the wrong, don't deserve to live or to be loved?

I struggle with that every day, but it's taken a while to nail the feeling. Just wondering if perhaps your case is similar?

I find hope in the idea that...if things can go from being good to bad. They can go from bad to good again. And they will!

Even if you run away, your Art will remain until you come back. I think I speak for everyone when saying that your Art gives us great joy. You alone made that possible.
I also liked to talk to you at EF... 24? 25? Not sure anymore. But we talked. It was very nice and I hope we can talk again :)

Siły życzę i pamiętaj, prawdziwi przyjaciele nie odrzucą Cię nawet jak zerwiesz z nimi kontakt na lata. A jeśli tak zrobią... no cóż, widać nigdy nimi nie byli.

Life can be difficult, those around us can be difficult... I know I don't know you beyond your artwork is very good and brightens many a day of many folks, but I pray you can find strength in coping and having your mind and soul be at peace for all that is troubling you. *leathery wings tenderly embrace, offering a warm comfort* I've been down some dark roads myself in my own life and mind; it's a process to do so, but bit by bit... find means to free yourself of what binds you with invisible chains; find small ways to improve your life or your home/environment around you, things that will feel a beauty to you akin to the beauty in art you show us. I don't think I speak out of turn when I say you have many a prayer or thought of support here.