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The Rise of the Raccoon Queen
Or The Big Grey Fluffy Butt Matter
A Story of Faerie
© 2021 by M. Mitchell Marmel
(Additional characters by E.O. Costello and W.D. Reimer.)
Thumbnail art by
tegerio, color by 
Major Matt Mason, background by Sailor Moon
Part Eight.
Ooo-er:
(translated from nhrr’krr, or Dryspeak):
:pejorative/insult/^#@^$^@&/emphasis:
***
Winterbough:
I had no idea what Ooo-er was saying, but I guessed (correctly, as it turned out) that it wasn’t exactly complimentary. I took a deep breath –
And whirled on the dog, bear and mink. “Right. Out with it, you lot, and the truth now. What are you three idiots doing-"
"Ah-ah-ah," the mink said gently but firmly. "We're only idiots when on duty."
"We're on vacation," the dog added cheerfully. "Visiting Matt's missus." He indicated the bear.
I blinked. “You do know that she’s with – “
“Sure,” he nodded. “Tali does as Tali does.” He winked. “Just ask my other wife, Low-chan.”
I opened my mouth, closed it. “You know, I’m not even going to ask. Let’s head down to Glenallid and see if there’s anything in her wagon you can use to figure out what happened.” We started heading for the [Stranger’s River], and were on the other side of the bridge when the dog paused, swiveling his ears.
“Uh-oh, guys.”
“You should have taken care of that before we left,” the mink pointed out.
The canine waved his paws for quiet and turned his head this way and that. “I hear something . . . “ He gave the bear a startled look. “A Mark VII comms signal!”
“And you’re standing there telling me this, WHY?!”
All three immediately took to their heels, with me racing to catch up.
***
Tessie:
It happened when I was in the front garden of the Lodge.
I was walking along, and suddenly felt an odd feeling in my stomach and chest, like something was trying to fight its way out of me. I doubled over, gripping myself around the waist, then suddenly my back arched and I felt my tail fluff out.
A broad ribbon of beautiful silver light started to wind its way around me, full of these twinkling golden sparks, like gems. I suppose I might have liked it more if I hadn’t started rising in the air to the accompaniment of a distant fanfare. The glow wrapped around me, and my clothes started to come apart at the seams.
“Hey!” I shouted. “Gimme those back! Those’re expensive!”
My arms were now sticking out and with my head back I couldn’t see too well as I started to spin around. I felt things start landing on my legs and arms, and – OW!
My ear!
That HURT!
I was suddenly dumped onto all fours, eyes closed and panting. I thought I could hear a soft voice reciting:
"In darkest night
At brightest noon
Shall evil-doers'
Heads be hewn!
Let those who dance
To Evil's tune
Beware the power..."
I opened my eyes and saw my reflection in the pond.
"Well, _____."
“Wha - ?”
[RAE-BEET]
One of those big frogs looked at me before hopping away to another part of the pond. I barely noticed, because I was still looking at myself.
I was wearing the Wolf Queen’s armor, all of it. It looked like it fit, which was just silly. That wolfess was skinnier than me. I was wearing the tiara, though, and I took it off and threw it aside.
“OW!”
It flew part of the way across the front garden before turning right around and landing on my head. Hard.
I got to my knees, and doubled over again as I felt something punch me hard, but not in my stomach – in my Elfintory. I managed to get to my feet, reached in and felt around inside.
Her double-whatsit, Sun-and-Moon, was in my paw. Felt lighter than I thought it would.
“YOU!”
I turned around.
***
Wolf Queen:
“Uhh . . . please, Zenobia, I don’t wanna get up . . . “ I drifted awake, gradually aware that I was face-down in a pile of dead leaves. Tali was a short distance away, and I felt my heart sink before I saw her chest rising and falling. One of my paws dug its fingers into the dirt, good solid earth.
I was pleased to discover that I was alive. It takes a lot to kill an Elf.
But we can be hurt. I started to move, and owwww . . . my right wing. Pantheon, that hurts . . .
***
Tali:
I woke up under a tree, naked and covered with leaves, branches and scratches. In other words, business as usual for Mama Rohsii’s girl Tali.
The hell with Stoic Heroine. I triggered the implanted emergency beacon in my left forearm. "YIPE!" A small trickle of smoke rose from under my skin, and I cursed low bidders everywhere. Hopefully, HQ managed to pick up the neutrino burst . . . but I wasn't counting on the cavalry coming to the rescue.
Beside me, the wolfess, also naked, with one of her wings (yeah, I know, another mystery for another time) sitting at a painful, odd angle, was shaking her head woozily. "Wha-wha-"
"Are you okeh?"
"Uhhh . . . wing hurts. I hurt. What happened?"
“Near as I can tell," I said, "you saved both our lives.”
"Huh. OW! Huh. Odd, I've taken worse than this and nary a scratch . . . " She looked around. "Where are we?"
"Not sure," I shrugged. "My idea seems to have worked, and the Gap was dissipated. It lifted us up in the air, and we were maybe a league or so above the ground. Didn't recognize the scenery, but there was some sort of city-" I pointed. "Off in that direction."
The wolfess stood. "Seems like we need to go that way, then-" She tried straightening her wing and slumped against the tree, tears of pain and frustration running down her face. I took her in my arms and comforted her as best I could.
"I don't understand. My Regalia . . . MY REGALIA!" The wolfess' hand flew to her ear, where her usual earring was missing. "No!" She rummaged around in what I knew was her Elfintory. "Sun and Moon! Gone!" She drew forth an absolutely adorable doll, looking just like her but with intact regalia. "Wolf Queen! What is happening here?"
The little doll looked at her, moved her head and replied.
[It is so, that the sound of the Ant of Elfhame is GREUNK!]
The wolfess's eyes widened, as if with a dreadful realization.
I had never heard a howl of grief and despair like this, and I hope never to hear its like again . . .
“I take it this didn't come with an owner's manual,” I said.
The wolfess looked through her tears at me. “No,” she said miserably. “Magick items do not NEED whatever it is you just said. They ARE.”
So turning it on and off isn't going to do anything . . .
But I could sympathize with her. I was standing in the woods, naked, with none of the technical gadgets I usually have to make life easier or help me face down adversaries. For right now, all we had was each other.
So while the wolfess cried on my shoulder, I held her, stroked her hair and soothed her the way I did when Jesi or Franq had a nightmare.
<NEXT>
<PREVIOUS>
<FIRST>
Or The Big Grey Fluffy Butt Matter
A Story of Faerie
© 2021 by M. Mitchell Marmel
(Additional characters by E.O. Costello and W.D. Reimer.)
Thumbnail art by
tegerio, color by 
Major Matt Mason, background by Sailor MoonPart Eight.
Ooo-er:
(translated from nhrr’krr, or Dryspeak):
:pejorative/insult/^#@^$^@&/emphasis:
***
Winterbough:
I had no idea what Ooo-er was saying, but I guessed (correctly, as it turned out) that it wasn’t exactly complimentary. I took a deep breath –
And whirled on the dog, bear and mink. “Right. Out with it, you lot, and the truth now. What are you three idiots doing-"
"Ah-ah-ah," the mink said gently but firmly. "We're only idiots when on duty."
"We're on vacation," the dog added cheerfully. "Visiting Matt's missus." He indicated the bear.
I blinked. “You do know that she’s with – “
“Sure,” he nodded. “Tali does as Tali does.” He winked. “Just ask my other wife, Low-chan.”
I opened my mouth, closed it. “You know, I’m not even going to ask. Let’s head down to Glenallid and see if there’s anything in her wagon you can use to figure out what happened.” We started heading for the [Stranger’s River], and were on the other side of the bridge when the dog paused, swiveling his ears.
“Uh-oh, guys.”
“You should have taken care of that before we left,” the mink pointed out.
The canine waved his paws for quiet and turned his head this way and that. “I hear something . . . “ He gave the bear a startled look. “A Mark VII comms signal!”
“And you’re standing there telling me this, WHY?!”
All three immediately took to their heels, with me racing to catch up.
***
Tessie:
It happened when I was in the front garden of the Lodge.
I was walking along, and suddenly felt an odd feeling in my stomach and chest, like something was trying to fight its way out of me. I doubled over, gripping myself around the waist, then suddenly my back arched and I felt my tail fluff out.
A broad ribbon of beautiful silver light started to wind its way around me, full of these twinkling golden sparks, like gems. I suppose I might have liked it more if I hadn’t started rising in the air to the accompaniment of a distant fanfare. The glow wrapped around me, and my clothes started to come apart at the seams.
“Hey!” I shouted. “Gimme those back! Those’re expensive!”
My arms were now sticking out and with my head back I couldn’t see too well as I started to spin around. I felt things start landing on my legs and arms, and – OW!
My ear!
That HURT!
I was suddenly dumped onto all fours, eyes closed and panting. I thought I could hear a soft voice reciting:
"In darkest night
At brightest noon
Shall evil-doers'
Heads be hewn!
Let those who dance
To Evil's tune
Beware the power..."
I opened my eyes and saw my reflection in the pond.
"Well, _____."
“Wha - ?”
[RAE-BEET]
One of those big frogs looked at me before hopping away to another part of the pond. I barely noticed, because I was still looking at myself.
I was wearing the Wolf Queen’s armor, all of it. It looked like it fit, which was just silly. That wolfess was skinnier than me. I was wearing the tiara, though, and I took it off and threw it aside.
“OW!”
It flew part of the way across the front garden before turning right around and landing on my head. Hard.
I got to my knees, and doubled over again as I felt something punch me hard, but not in my stomach – in my Elfintory. I managed to get to my feet, reached in and felt around inside.
Her double-whatsit, Sun-and-Moon, was in my paw. Felt lighter than I thought it would.
“YOU!”
I turned around.
***
Wolf Queen:
“Uhh . . . please, Zenobia, I don’t wanna get up . . . “ I drifted awake, gradually aware that I was face-down in a pile of dead leaves. Tali was a short distance away, and I felt my heart sink before I saw her chest rising and falling. One of my paws dug its fingers into the dirt, good solid earth.
I was pleased to discover that I was alive. It takes a lot to kill an Elf.
But we can be hurt. I started to move, and owwww . . . my right wing. Pantheon, that hurts . . .
***
Tali:
I woke up under a tree, naked and covered with leaves, branches and scratches. In other words, business as usual for Mama Rohsii’s girl Tali.
The hell with Stoic Heroine. I triggered the implanted emergency beacon in my left forearm. "YIPE!" A small trickle of smoke rose from under my skin, and I cursed low bidders everywhere. Hopefully, HQ managed to pick up the neutrino burst . . . but I wasn't counting on the cavalry coming to the rescue.
Beside me, the wolfess, also naked, with one of her wings (yeah, I know, another mystery for another time) sitting at a painful, odd angle, was shaking her head woozily. "Wha-wha-"
"Are you okeh?"
"Uhhh . . . wing hurts. I hurt. What happened?"
“Near as I can tell," I said, "you saved both our lives.”
"Huh. OW! Huh. Odd, I've taken worse than this and nary a scratch . . . " She looked around. "Where are we?"
"Not sure," I shrugged. "My idea seems to have worked, and the Gap was dissipated. It lifted us up in the air, and we were maybe a league or so above the ground. Didn't recognize the scenery, but there was some sort of city-" I pointed. "Off in that direction."
The wolfess stood. "Seems like we need to go that way, then-" She tried straightening her wing and slumped against the tree, tears of pain and frustration running down her face. I took her in my arms and comforted her as best I could.
"I don't understand. My Regalia . . . MY REGALIA!" The wolfess' hand flew to her ear, where her usual earring was missing. "No!" She rummaged around in what I knew was her Elfintory. "Sun and Moon! Gone!" She drew forth an absolutely adorable doll, looking just like her but with intact regalia. "Wolf Queen! What is happening here?"
The little doll looked at her, moved her head and replied.
[It is so, that the sound of the Ant of Elfhame is GREUNK!]
The wolfess's eyes widened, as if with a dreadful realization.
I had never heard a howl of grief and despair like this, and I hope never to hear its like again . . .
“I take it this didn't come with an owner's manual,” I said.
The wolfess looked through her tears at me. “No,” she said miserably. “Magick items do not NEED whatever it is you just said. They ARE.”
So turning it on and off isn't going to do anything . . .
But I could sympathize with her. I was standing in the woods, naked, with none of the technical gadgets I usually have to make life easier or help me face down adversaries. For right now, all we had was each other.
So while the wolfess cried on my shoulder, I held her, stroked her hair and soothed her the way I did when Jesi or Franq had a nightmare.
<NEXT>
<PREVIOUS>
<FIRST>
Category Story / General Furry Art
Species Raccoon
Size 70 x 120px
File Size 47.9 kB
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