Distant sirens through the glass. There's more to this. It's red.

I have you on my watchlist because you have made lovely little art pieces in the past. I don't know if this post is a cry for help or if you're going through a lot. I know I am in a lot of people I know are severely depressed. It seems like the world and it's people are always causing us problems. Can't run away from it it seems and I find myself wondering how I'm even going to survive in the future. This year is proving to be just as bad as the last in many ways if not worse for my mental state. So whenever I see a post that looks like it's somebody who needs a person to vent to, I always respond. I think it's important because we all need it. Life gets very lonely and stressful

Strange. I don't even remember writing it. Yet I can tell you two things:
First, on saturday I curled into a drunken ball with a loaded nine on my bed with my finger on the trigger and I failed to see how much hurt a twitch could make.
Second, the very same night I suffered food poisoning from a microwaved cup of chicken noodle, I puked my guts up in the bathtub...yet eventually I felt the sun on my face and realized pulling the trigger would have been a mistake.
If there's anyone out there you know who cares, anyone at all...
Well, I do at least. Thanks for reaching out.
Can't let 2020 win. No matter what we have to remember what we believed in even if the financial sector sought to break it.

You have definitely had it rough and I am extremely sorry to hear that. All the things that used to bring us joy are fading away and our mental state is caving in. A loaded gun, drinking away the pains of existence is when you definitely need to have people in your life to talk to. No matter how shity things have got and continue to be, you can always find small joys even if they are short and sweet. Ice cream, a new oreo flavor, sunlight, a bowl of tasty cereal. I think those things have saved me. The dumbest things can change your life for better or worse. Live for those few good days even when the rest is shit. I dont want people to kill themselves and I hope thats not selfish for me to ask, because life is torture. Anxiety, no money, job, hatred towards people, loss of interests, arguments all build up and then we find comfort in the darkness. We hate it but we get so used to it that its all we know as sick as we are of it. Feels like there is no escape. But even responding to my messages right now is an escape. All the crap your dealing with is looming over your shoulders even as you read this but just know you can always look forward to something. Even if it's just a meal or a quick smile. We are crazy but we are still alive. Don't go just yet and If you have no one to vent to, I can always give a listen when no one else seems to bother. Good luck out there. Try drinking some sparkling water. I do like to drink as well and over doing it can feel great & miserable all at the same time. Throwing up is one of the worst feelings on earth besides being severely depressed & losing hope in everything