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" She thought what she did wrong, what made him drive her away like that. She pondered why he acted that way towards her, how she reacted when he lashed out. Was it something that she did to him in the past? Was it something he did, but blamed it on her? Was it maybe something that was not tied into his departure or her actions? Was it that time when they were close? Was she too fast? Was she too strong? Was she too weak? What was it?
" Not having a clear answer, she blamed everything on herself, on her soul and her fragile heart. ' How could I be so blind ', she thought. ' How could I have acted that way towards him? I am so stupid, too stupid to act properly towards him. It is all my fault. ' Drinking wont help her depression or her mind. She feels the need to punish herself, something that will remain with her for a long time. Picking up the only "friend" she had in the room, she let it teach her a lesson."
How does cutting oneself relieve the pain and the guilt that they are facing? How does self injury cure you of all "wickedness" or punish you for how "bad" you are to yourself and to others? Many who do cut themselves maybe thinking that it is the only way that they will learn, the only way they will remind themselves that what they did was "wrong" and that it was all their fault that something so negative happened to both them and another. But why damage yourself when you are already in pain? Must one add physical pain to go along with their mental pain? Would that balance everything out? No, just make things worse.
A lot of emotional people are fragile, sensitive and caring people. They care about others much more than themselves. They would gladly put themselves in front of one's problems without realizing how much it would hurt themselves in the end. A lot of people don’t realize how emotionally fragile other people are and slowly take advantage of their "flaw" and mold it in anyway they can so they would be "guilt free" while the other would burden all the guilt on his or her shoulders.
Its not fair, it is not fair to anyone to feel that depressed where they have no choice to but to damage their physical being. This is why human contact ( hugging, snuggling, holding hands, a shoulder to cry on, a stuff animal to hug, etc. ) is very important to emotional and sensitive people. We need it all the time whenever we are down. It gives us some hope and harmony in our heart as well as the feeling of being loved and looked after. When we don’t have anything like that on those dark moments, we hurt ourselves, thinking that no one will care or ‘no one loves me’ or anything like that.
We are all loved in many ways, even some ways we don’t even see it. There is always someone out there to give us a warm friendly hug to sooth the pain, to give us a shoulder to cry on, a lap to rest on. I know that many are thinking that this "physical contact" is all bull and we should learn to just get the hell over our problems like flicking a fly off your arm. But you know what, it is not that easy. It is never easy.
- Ookami Kemono
Cut and Paste Pain © 2007 Alex Cockburn
" Not having a clear answer, she blamed everything on herself, on her soul and her fragile heart. ' How could I be so blind ', she thought. ' How could I have acted that way towards him? I am so stupid, too stupid to act properly towards him. It is all my fault. ' Drinking wont help her depression or her mind. She feels the need to punish herself, something that will remain with her for a long time. Picking up the only "friend" she had in the room, she let it teach her a lesson."
How does cutting oneself relieve the pain and the guilt that they are facing? How does self injury cure you of all "wickedness" or punish you for how "bad" you are to yourself and to others? Many who do cut themselves maybe thinking that it is the only way that they will learn, the only way they will remind themselves that what they did was "wrong" and that it was all their fault that something so negative happened to both them and another. But why damage yourself when you are already in pain? Must one add physical pain to go along with their mental pain? Would that balance everything out? No, just make things worse.
A lot of emotional people are fragile, sensitive and caring people. They care about others much more than themselves. They would gladly put themselves in front of one's problems without realizing how much it would hurt themselves in the end. A lot of people don’t realize how emotionally fragile other people are and slowly take advantage of their "flaw" and mold it in anyway they can so they would be "guilt free" while the other would burden all the guilt on his or her shoulders.
Its not fair, it is not fair to anyone to feel that depressed where they have no choice to but to damage their physical being. This is why human contact ( hugging, snuggling, holding hands, a shoulder to cry on, a stuff animal to hug, etc. ) is very important to emotional and sensitive people. We need it all the time whenever we are down. It gives us some hope and harmony in our heart as well as the feeling of being loved and looked after. When we don’t have anything like that on those dark moments, we hurt ourselves, thinking that no one will care or ‘no one loves me’ or anything like that.
We are all loved in many ways, even some ways we don’t even see it. There is always someone out there to give us a warm friendly hug to sooth the pain, to give us a shoulder to cry on, a lap to rest on. I know that many are thinking that this "physical contact" is all bull and we should learn to just get the hell over our problems like flicking a fly off your arm. But you know what, it is not that easy. It is never easy.
- Ookami Kemono
Cut and Paste Pain © 2007 Alex Cockburn
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brilliant work
It feels... so good to hear someone saying the things I feel, bringing them to relevence, portraying them the way must be portrayed with all the means and talent I never had.
... I always used to consider it a a personal flaw that I never had the 'guts' to hurt myself... I wanted to. I wanted to so often... I felt like I deserved it. really... it was a method of balancing... even stupid, superficial pains felt like they redistributed some of the agony... put it somewhere else.
... Sometimes, there were times I felt like I deserved to die. But knowing that there are at least a few people who might miss me if I were gone is what makes me glad that I was always too much of a coward to end my own existence.
but good god... have I been there...
if I knew someone like that... I'd never want to let them go, never want them to be left in a position where they'd feel the need to take all the blame. I live for being the crying shoulder. Sometimes I want to pretend I'm stronger than that, as if I'm doing them a favor, but no. ... I do it because taking away their pain--not their blame, just the loneliness, the guilt, and the anguish--I can't live without it. it makes me feel... worthwhile.
*sigh* ... i'm sorry I let this comment get so long.
<3
Your heart defies the bounds of perfection. I can't stop you from doubting it...but I want you to know someone believes in you.
Alex, dear heart, though I may not know you personally, let it be known that I agree most wholeheartedly with the sentiments you have expressed here, and cannot affirm them better than was said above.
You are believed in and cared for.
Yours in appreciation,
Mika Kyubi
Kitsune-at-Large
know that there are many people that you may not now yet they still care for you and will protect you... people who will do anything for you... take a bullet for you... and keep u safe.
your art is quite unique, and some has even touched my hart, becaus i have felt the same pain that you have felt.
i have let my mind free to write this and if it bothers you at all i apoligise and would be most gratefull if you dont yell at me for such a comment and i thank you.
keep up the great work.
your friend,
neo
Thank you.
I can recall a many time where my emotions and mentality, though I tried to keep it structured like a brick wall was torn down so fast I couldn't handle it. Everything negative swimming in my head, my heart on fire from being stabbed by the wicked words until each beat was turning emotions to malice towards oneself and everyone else. Once even knocking myself out knowing Id resort to brutality and give into a darker aspect of human emotions, a rage derived from emotional and mental instability, attacking those who tore me down if I didn't stop myself by those means.
For all those who feel this way I understand how it feels and I will gladly give those small signs of friendly affection, a hug, a snuggle, a shoulder to cry on. For in a way when you can at the very least give someone a few moments to relieve their emotions without worry hurting them self, it allows you to cry your own silent tears and bring a little relief to yourself as well.
"Why is it sometimes when I dive into my own mind I hurt myself, yet at other times I feel a weird relief, even when the memories and thoughts are the same each time?"
Being "weak" is something I've tried to quench within me for so long... I was told as a child that I was "oversensitive", I made myself stone hard for a good while. It took time to dare and to find my fragile self again, my real self, the one that cares and is moved.
And I know all too well how easy it is winding up punishing yourself and taking the blame for things that you shouldn't take the blame for. Trying to make someone love you, trying to make yourself "right". Not seeing that you're perfectly all right the way you are and that the faults aren't with you but somewhere else.
...i know i probably sound a little corny when i say this, alex... but... when you speak about things like this...its almost like a mirror into my own soul--- beyond that, i cannot even maintain a clear sense of thought to put into words how this piece and the description make me feel--- thank you...
I've been an emotional, overly-sensitive, anxious kind of person all my life. I've gone through all types of depression. And nothing heals any of momentary depression except time, and sometimes loving peers.
I, for one, need that physical contact. I need the shoulder to cry on, the warm embrace.
I have a lot of people who are willing to provide that to me, and a lot of people who love me, but sometimes I just really don't believe it.
This piece spoke to me.
Although I never got myself into the hole of self-mutilation, I've seen many friends go through such a thing, and I understand it. I've been a part of the healing process for a couple of my friends, too.
And an anxious, depressed, emotional kid like me... Well, I know a thing or two about what you're talking about.
Gorgeous piece.
I used to cut myself. I keep the scars under the sleeves of my Tshirts most of the time, they don't show.
To me it's doing something that shocks my system so bad it resets. All the walls in my head disappear. And, crassly speaking, it's adrenaline. It feels damn good. It puts things in the right place. I land and I see clear again, the fog is gone. Only after comes the feeling I've damaged myself, that I've actually hurt myself when I was trying to break out.
It's not punishment.
I've also done it to escape a pain somewhere I can't pin it down or kill it, so big it rips your mind but nowhere to grasp. The scratches on my arm were much easier to handle, it felt so good to have the pain somewhere I could locate it.
I'm quitting though, for the plain reason I have to jack it up all the time to get the same effect - and it'll get dangerous eventually.
Despite the fact I don't see myself in the girl in your picture, it moved me. Even though I never saw it as punishment, or felt sorry for myself, maybe there's some of that girl up there in me too. At least the idea got me thinking about it in general.
Instead, all it did was make me numb to the physical, self-imposed pain...It never hurt enough to cover up what I was feeling on the inside.
But as to why this image and MANY of these images are so special to me... Well they really helped make sense of the madness going on within my mind. From why I felt like hurting myself to how certain actions affected people negatively to ways to cope with depression and anxiety. Honestly I could go on forever with the kinds of things these drawings taught me and how important the "Dear L" series was to me. How they instilled an open mind and healthy attitude towards foreign things to me at the time like crossdressing, homosexuality and Romance at the absolute perfect time so that my parents or others had yet to attempt closing my mind on the subjects. Maybe just as important as opening my mind, they taught me to ask some very serious questions to myself on so many topics. But they even helped me understand smaller things like how beautiful and peaceful someone is while sleeping or how important it is to not let emotions bottle up too much. So many of these lessons, all hitting at the perfect time when I needed them most. I know for sure if I hadn't seen your gallery and taken these pieces to heart, I'd probably be a totally different person, Likely not for the better either.
Ah so many things I could say about them, My mind practically explodes with the amount of lessons I've learned, all being traced back to this very gallery. Though I think the most important thing to say is "Thank you". I doubt I'm the only one moved to tears by these pieces and their lessons that came with them. I certainly hope and wish for these images to find and help those who needed them most like I did. Of all the people I appreciate here on this planet, Your work and my wife I will always owe the most too.
On a side note I love that some of the ones I didn't understand well at those young ages I definitely get now. 27 years old and I barely feel like Ive aged past 18 maturity-wise, other than how much shit I can take X'D. I wish I could honor these memories and lessons with some kind of piece, but I have no idea how I'd do it. Dunno how your doing O-kemono but sincerely hope its well!
TLDR - "Thank You" ~sniffle