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This is a short story I did for Pattarchus ( https://www.furaffinity.net/user/pattarchus ). The future ahead will involve writing, even if I can't see far up the road as it twists and turns. I hope you enjoy.
Ashosz belongs to Pattarchus, but the other characters are mine.
When Deliah visits a town for their harvest festival, she enjoys the different faces she meets old and new. Some though are stranger than others.
Ashosz belongs to Pattarchus, but the other characters are mine.
When Deliah visits a town for their harvest festival, she enjoys the different faces she meets old and new. Some though are stranger than others.
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Naga
Size 120 x 106px
File Size 48.2 kB
Listed in Folders
Keep working on reinforcing and keeping your anthropomorphic description up through the work.
Be careful with temporal transitions. Temporal transitions are weak and need a lot of things around them to make them work. Often action speaks better at telling. A separator an be used to show difference in place and time.
“Over the next two days, Deliah and her family participated in the festivities and gift
giving. As the merriment began to wind down on the third day, Granny Gisela visited the young
doe once again to bid them farewell.” <- A bad free floating temporal transition. If this information is important start with the dialogue and then insert the important information.
“Another two hours passed” <- Temporal transition. You have flatly told the audience two hours of packing. On the surface boring, if it is important, provide action as the transition instead.
Good characters brewing with their strong relationships to place and each other.
Be careful with temporal transitions. Temporal transitions are weak and need a lot of things around them to make them work. Often action speaks better at telling. A separator an be used to show difference in place and time.
“Over the next two days, Deliah and her family participated in the festivities and gift
giving. As the merriment began to wind down on the third day, Granny Gisela visited the young
doe once again to bid them farewell.” <- A bad free floating temporal transition. If this information is important start with the dialogue and then insert the important information.
“Another two hours passed” <- Temporal transition. You have flatly told the audience two hours of packing. On the surface boring, if it is important, provide action as the transition instead.
Good characters brewing with their strong relationships to place and each other.
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