I would like to describe in detail the current situation. Despite the frequency of the stories, it seemed to me that I did not describe the situation clearly enough.
/ However, I like to write posts and be sleepy at the same time /

Hopefully the Google translator can convey my thoughts relatively correctly.

The problem is that I got a disability marked "incapacity for work" for a reason. I realized that I really couldn't work. It's too difficult for me mentally. Physically I am more resilient than psychologically.
To be honest, I rarely have the strength. But life is such that you either grit your teeth and go forward, or rot in a third world country.

Recently I have been going to private paid clinics, as free clinics treat in ways that have not been used for many years. The quality of medicine, even among private physicians dealing with physical health, is unfortunately also low. I recently paid for a heart ECG on old Soviet equipment. I found out about this only during the procedure itself.

Psychiatry is really bad. I still don't know if we really have paid private psychiatrists. I plan to go to a neuropsychiatrist, if they will, of course. I visited free psychiatrists, after which I only got worse. I do not go there for treatment.

My mom only makes $ 100 a month. The average salary is about the same, although according to official figures $ 220, which is not entirely true.
Therefore, I can only rely on myself and my strength. Only I can support myself. I need to move to Russia to see the best private psychiatrists in the country. Perhaps they can help me.

Also, I am very often ashamed to accept new orders if I did not fulfill the old ones, despite the need for money.
I am a little poor at distributing forces, which often leads to confusion.

Another reason to leave for Russia is the calmer conditions. Russia is more tolerant of liberalism than Uzbekistan, although it falls short of the level of Europe. Also, I still want to finally gain independence, because in the current conditions it is almost impossible. I'm tired of fighting with my family, which is still making me a child. Everything is aggravated by the lack of knowledge of the Uzbek language, which also hinders me in society. I know only Russian and some English language.

I don't really like accepting donations. I feel guilty about not trying enough to earn my living. The situation is aggravated by frequent fraud on the part of the CIS countries, so I would not want to be considered a fraud either.

There is a good Russian proverb: "Give a man a fish, and you feed him one day, teach him how to fish, and he will be full all his life." I like this adage because I want to be independent and support myself despite my illness. I'm just very emotional and I experience my emotions a lot - negative and positive.

Therefore, it is important for me to work. I need to heal myself and physically too, as well as slowly prepare for Russia.

I hope you can understand me. Thank you <3