I know I haven't been very active here for the last little while and I think I should really clear the air as to why I haven't been keeping up with art.

Before I start I'm going to put some trigger warnings:
Suicide, pet death, r*pe.

I've been in a financial choke hold ever since I trusted the wrong people who racked up my bills. I've been routinely homeless, couch surfing and on the verge of homelessness. I've lost a lot of things between moving. I haven't been able to seek proper counselling or diagnosis due to not being able to consistently pay my bills which results in lack of working phone and spotty unreliable internet access. Routinely missing appointments due to no transportation money or crippling anxiety about going outside. Outside of financial crisis there has been plenty of other negative factors happening, I'll try to summarize it the best I can but shed some light on what's been keeping me offline.

In 2016 I was sexually assaulted by someone I considered a friend, he manipulated me for months, taking advantage of my need for companionship. After forcing me down on my bed and r*ping me I mustered the courage to ghost him and block him. I reported it to my uncle who helped me get a morning after pill (Which made me very sick for days) and repot to the police but since the guy was underage (But still significantly bigger and stronger than me) I couldn't get justice. I suffered mentally due to this because I was getting all manner of bullying online by him and his friends trying to convince me I could have stopped it, and that I was a pedo. It still makes me sick three years later... I couldn't get a restraining order, I'm terrified to go anywhere I might see him. He spent the next two years attempting and often succeeding to get into my accounts, trying to pose as me to my friends, lying to them or trying to get them to meet up with him. He tried to hold my accounts as a ransom for some sort of admission or apology. It was terrible and my passwords are long and complicated due to the overwhelming abuse of my accounts. He later spammed my accounts with friends calling me a thot and a number of other terrible things some usernames like 'kekur*pedateen" and the like commented, I also found a youtube video in which he admits to "fucking" me. Still no luck at getting justice. Thankfully the youtuber realized he was a shit person and has since removed the video.
Hopefully that's the end of that scumbag since I haven't heard from him in half a year.
Shortly after blocking him I was friends with someone who was "helping" me with the whole financial thing and buying me food and booze but it occurred to me months later that his intentions was to prey on me... "Make you feel good, so help me feel good" sort of deal and I was held in a room as he felt me up, terrified, I'm not good at saying no... So you know what happened...

I couldn't deal with living in the place I was at after all that, I kept being reminded of what happened. Like my safe space was tainted, so when my 'friend' was in crisis, his shitty roommate and exfriend of mine left him with less than a month to move I jumped at the chance for a change of scenery. We opted to rent from a scummy landlord who charged us monthly 100+ just to keep pets. He was a high stress roommate but things didn't reach a head so much as when he started letting his family stay there. His meth addicted brother stole from us, ate all of our food (especially mine) I was left not only paying exorbitant "late fees" and "pet fees" but was falling in debt to my roommate due to him having to shoulder the food costs. Once we got rid of him his mother was suddenly homeless.
Not connecting that my last overdose attempt was technically a result of her I said "Fine, but just a couple weeks for her to get her stuff back and find a new place."
Months in she started buying furniture and getting comfortable. She was a constant negative energy and often bitched about us making noise or leaving a mess and I just stopped leaving my room. In september my pom was attacked by another dog in the house... She didn't make it easier on me. I spent a whole week hopped up on caffeine watching my pom hoping she'd get better, falling more into debt with vets as she turned purple and swollen from a hematoma... She passed on the 18th... I was broken. So so so broken. I still am so lost without her... She died in my arms.
Then with not much time to recover I had to build a halloween costume for my seasonal job and stay in a freezing cold trailer for the weekends of october. Not lying the actual job was rewarding and a dream to do but physically I was exhausted and I couldn't regulate my temperature at all. On the 26th I couldn't stand his mother any longer and I wanted to run away, I planned on sleeping in an ally or something just to be OUT of the house. Roommate freaked out, smashed my kitchen chairs in the kitchen. Panicked I swallowed a whole bottle of pills and downed them with rancid tea that was left in my bedroom due to me not coming out for anything but bathroom breaks... His mother slammed the door on my face, "Don't worry about him. It's not your fault. He took the cowards way out!" just... No... I called the cops... begged for help. Starting to get nauseous friggin pigs told me I "wouldn't be like this if [I] just got a normal job" like as if my life would be made better by adding more stress to it. I have no energy to stand or deal with people on any given day, most entry level jobs ask much more of me. So delirious I was sent to the hospital where I started tripping out on the drugs, got stuck in a diaper and verbally abused by the staff because I couldn't feel my legs to get to the bathroom. I was convinced I was going to die and see my dog again. Somehow I survived. I have severe heart palpitations that I feel often now since then and permanently dilated pupils... Who knows what else I messed up with me since it was too late to drink charcoal when they finally saw me. Spent idk how long with my own father sobbing in a seat next to me until I couldn't tell he was there anymore.
Took a loan from him later to pay off the "late rent" fees and be able to move out. Sewage spilled out into the basement and the slumlord wanted to pin the blame on us even though the plumbing was always horrible there. I was taken into a shelter by a local organization and have essentially been in a shelter ever since. I don't own this place. EIA doesn't give me enough to cover bills or debts... I've been struggling to convince myself it's worth continuing and persevering...

I'm so sorry I haven't been around, I'm trying to be positive, I'm trying to catch up. But I took on way more work than I should have to offset my financial debts while not having the peace of mind to be able to keep up with the workload. Please forgive me, I have every intention of getting work done. If you paid for 6 pages or something trust me if it takes 10 pages to get your story made I don't mind, you all have been waiting for so so long and I'm so sorry.