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So, I've been working on this on and off for a few weeks when I'm burned out from writing my DnD campaign. It's set in a generalized DnD-style world focusing on a pair of thieves. Hopefully, you guys find it interesting, I might draw the characters at a later date but for now, here is their story.
Might do a part 2 at some point maybe.
Dearshul drew these fellas! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31536903/
Might do a part 2 at some point maybe.
Dearshul drew these fellas! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31536903/
Category Story / Transformation
Species Mouse
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 26.8 kB
I did enjoy the story , and the characters were well described and built. The only note is that it was a bit too linear, like as soon as you read about the image complaining about permanence effects, you knew that one of them was stuck with whatever form they got. Introducing a minor unexpected variant, like having the thief become an anthro mouse, or a werecreature, would have added a bit of interesting twist to the story.
I also didn't notice the mental change, is it because he accepts being a mouse in the end?
On the other hand there is plenty of material for a part 2 of the story, I hope some of my points inspire a sequel!
I also didn't notice the mental change, is it because he accepts being a mouse in the end?
On the other hand there is plenty of material for a part 2 of the story, I hope some of my points inspire a sequel!
Hey, thank you very much for the honest interpretation! I certainly end up with overly-linear stories because I see the whole story in front of me already so I don't stop to think about what could be used to build suspense and whaf info could be withheld until later. If I were to go back I would say I could save the permanency reveal until after he's woken up, expecting to have returned to normal and they have to consult a magic user to learn of the permanency so it's a bit more of an unexpected twist.
The mental change is pretty much just the little instinctual changes he underwent like when he was picked up and started freaking out just like a mouse would. Or later when he settles into the bed he mostly feels content because his instincts are telling him that he's safe when he's hidden underneath something. I couldn't really think of a good term for when the only change to a TF victim's mind is the addition of the animal's natural instincts which may slightly override the rational human mind every so often.
Seriously though, I really appreciate the comment. Constructive criticism at its finest!
The mental change is pretty much just the little instinctual changes he underwent like when he was picked up and started freaking out just like a mouse would. Or later when he settles into the bed he mostly feels content because his instincts are telling him that he's safe when he's hidden underneath something. I couldn't really think of a good term for when the only change to a TF victim's mind is the addition of the animal's natural instincts which may slightly override the rational human mind every so often.
Seriously though, I really appreciate the comment. Constructive criticism at its finest!
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