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ACT II
Scene I
(Elena re-opens the door to find a stripy sweatered, widely-grinning cat waiting on the other side. He is the Cheshire Cat)
Cheshire: Most curious...aren't I...?
Elena: (still reeling from Basts' visit) Uh-I-Uh....
Cheshire: I am curious. Why wouldn't I be. I'm a cat.
Elena: Well...yeah, okay.
Cheshire: Hold on a sec (licks fur for a bit) yeah, I'm a cat. Wasn't sure for a second there. I thought maybe I might be a cat dreaming he's a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he's an insurance adjuster with a stack of 210B forms to fill out in triplicate. Ah, you mind if I come in?
Elena: Oh! No, no, please, come in.
Cheshire: (enters then turns around) but really we should be going.
Elena: (at cupboard) can I get you something....tuna? Chicken?....Greenie's?
Cheshire: (turns back around) Ooh, now that sounds lovely (stop) but, no, no I can not (turns around) but still (turns around again) No! No, no. Schedule to keep, Space-time waits for No One...lucky bastard.
Elena: Who?
Cheshire: No One. They and Space-time have some sort of deal I tell you.
Elena: (completely lost) O..kay?
(Cheshire Cat is ignoring her. He's transfixed by a light on her tree.)
Cheshire: Wo-oah...
Elena: (Clears throat) Mr., Cheshire, sir? (No response) Sir?! (no response) Sir!
Cheshire: (startled out of his reverie) What?! Who?! Where?!
Elena: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you!
Cheshire: S'all right, I was just reminded of the time I got into a box with a cat that lived with this Schrödinger guy. I tell you the things that we saw in that box when that lid was closed..(more alert tone of voice) Welp, times a-waistin! And we have some work to do...Um, could you bring along some of that shrimp you have in the fridge?
Elena: How did you know about that?
Cheshire: (Grin and shrug) I'm a cat. Now. We're going to play a game. I'm going to think of something and you have to guess what it is. Okay. I'm thinking of my smile (Smiles really big). What physical feature are Cheshire Cats most known for? (Lets his head rock and sway side to side, his smile moon bright and mesmerizing)
Elena: Your smile.
Cheshire: ( despair and offended but still grinning, still swinging) You cheated! somebody told you didn't they? (looks accusingly at the three former cats, still smiling)
Elena: (transfixed by the swaying grin) You...did...
Cheshire: I did? You must be mad, but that can't be helped, we're all mad here...(At 'but that can't be helped Cheshire Cat fades out his voice and someone offstage fades in their voice continuing the lines from 'Alice in Wonderland'. Cheshire cat continues to mouth along through all of this. The offstage actor is joined by another actor, then another. Six in all each reading random lines from random Lewis Carroll stories and poems. All the while Elena stares, transfixed by that swaying, 1/4 moon smile. During this time stage hands come in and make any needed scenery changes. The six off stage voices come to a crescendo and stop abruptly.)
Elena: (blinking owlishly and shaking her head) Where? Where am I?
Cheshire: Berkeley California, 1967. We've gone back into your past.
Elena: (confused) But, I was born in 1984...and, I'm fairly certain my parents grew up in Iowa.
Cheshire: I know that, I just like coming here. Oh look! There's Mr. Leary and Jim Morrison!
Elena: Ah, could we leave? This place looks like the inside of Dr. Gonzo's suitcase. I'd hate to fail a drug test and lose my job.
Cheshire: Oh no need to worry about that. They can not touch us, hear, nor see us.--Well, with some of the shrooms they might.-- we're an interdimensional fly on the wall. However unlike real flies we don't go ga-ga over garbage and feces, and we don't have ten million eyes and we don't have little lacy wings and-
Elena: I-! I get the picture.
Cheshire: Mmm, listen to that rhythm. basic 1-2 beat. 1-2-1-2-1-2.(starts grinning and rocking his head to the beat. Elena looks again at the 1/4 moon smile and is hypnotized by it.) 1-2-1-2 the vorpal blade...(again Cheshire Cat's voice fades out as offstage voice fades in and continues with 'Jabberwocky'. Cheshire cat continues to mouth along through all of this. The offstage actor is joined by another actor, then another. Six in all each reading random lines from random Lewis Carroll stories and poems. All the while Elena stares, transfixed by that swaying, 1/4 moon smile. During this time stage hands come in and make any needed scenery changes. The six off stage voices come to a crescendo and stop abruptly.)
Elena: (again, blinking owlishly, looking around uncertainly) How? How do you do that?
Cheshire: That thing with my voice? I haven't a clue.
Elena: No, I mean, how did we get back to here?
Cheshire: Simple. The perception in this universe is that Time is linear, but that is relative to who, when, and where you are. At the sub atomic level big bangs are happening all the time, it's a veritable quantum foam of explosions and micro worm holes. Most don't last for even one one trillionth of a picosecond, before massive pressure causes them to compress, but all the events that happen or could happen in that potential universe happen in that time, that one one trillionth of a picosecond, in that proto-universe. Just, in compressed time. If you can latch onto the right higgs-boson signature with the right microverse within that subatomic foam you can take one of the micro-wormholes to anywhen, anywhere you wish.
Elena: So, it's sort of like what Dr. Who does with TARDIS?
Cheshire: (looking lost) What?
Elena: (looking around. Amazed, confused, reminiscing.) No, I mean, how did I get here? This is my old bedroom! Only, the furniture's not like it was when I left, but like it was, when I was little. I had this furniture, these toys, this easel, oh, wow! I almost forgot I had that! I had all this stuff when I was like (5 y/o Elena walks in) five.
(muffled by distance and closed doors two voices can be heard. The Mother-Sara, and The Father -Frank are arguing again)
Frank: Oh Jeez! For crying out loud Sara it's not even seven yet, and that wine bottles almost empty!
Sara: Oh like you're a saint! So what if I'd had a few! What's your excuse this time?
Frank: I told you I had to close the merger on the Johnson-Klein account! (From somewhere, older sister Vivian starts to scream and slam her door repeatedly)
Sara: Oh, I know what sort of 'merger' you're talking about! Don't lie to me Frank! Who is she?!
Frank: Why do you always assume that? Dammit Sara I'm thirty minutes late. That's hardly enough time for an office romance.
Sara: Like you could ever be romantic
(Sara and Franks voices fade out as does the older sister Vivian)
Frank: At least I know that you don't grill chicken directly on the range top! Are you trying to burn the house down?!
5 y/o Elena: (Holding cat, Mr. Muffles) Oh Mr. Muffles, why do mommy and daddy have to fight?
Mr. Muffles: (A hand puppet operated by a stagehand actor.) Murrreowl (Roll the 'r's ) (rubs and purrs, bats at 5 y/o Elenas hair.
5 y/o Elena: (giggling) Oh Mr. Muffles! (Mr. Muffles and 5 y/o Elena interact silently)
Cheshire: (regards Mr. Muffles) These are some of your happiest memories Elena (Looks towards parents) and your worst.
(silent scene: 5 y/o Elenas older brother barges in startling her and Mr. Muffles. 5 yr old Elena yells at older brother who starts messing with her stuff....)
Elena: (While pantomime goes on in background) Yeah, look at us. I know all older brothers act like that but did he have to be such a jerk about it?
Cheshire: Maybe, but did you ever look at it this way? Right now, thanks to him, she isn't thinking about her parents fighting.
Elena: But I was doing that just fine with Mr. Muffles!
Cheshire: He didn't know that all he knew was that your parents were fighting and he had a baby sister who might need someone.
Elena: (Looking at brother in a whole new way.) He, was helping me. He was taking my mind off of unpleasant things. Giving me something else to think about.
Cheshire: Your brother loved you very much. He's just awkward at showing it.
Elena: (Beat) Well he's still a jerk!
(5 y/o Elena finally closes door on older brother. She immediately finds and comforts Mr. Muffles)
Elena: (fondly) Mr. Muffles was my first cat.
Cheshire: Yes, happy early childhood memories with a beloved pet. If you needed someone to talk to, there he was. Never judging, never criticizing. You spoke of many things. Of shoes, --and ships-- and ceiling wax..(Cheshire Cat continues with 'The Walrus and the Carpenter' his voice fading out, as an offstage voice fades in. Cheshire cat continues to mouth along through all of this. The offstage actor is joined by another actor, then another. Six in all each reading random lines from random Lewis Carroll stories and poems. All the while Elena stares, transfixed by that swaying, 1/4 moon smile. During this time stage hands come in and make any needed scenery changes. The six off stage voices come to a crescendo and stop abruptly.)
(Same bedroom, only for a 12 year old girl. 12 y/o Elena is on her bed, reading)
Elena:(Shakes head, feels dizzy and thick headed) Ugh, is all this time travel bad for me in any way?
Cheshire: Been doing it for years! Why I remember...(flash back Sfx, actors on ungulate their bodies, as if rippling)
Elena: Hold it! Stop! Perhaps some other time. (flashback effects stop.)
Cheshire: Nope
Elena: You insist on having a flashback?
Cheshire: Why, did you want one?
Elena: No, you just said 'no' and I thought that you meant you insisted on having a flashback.
Cheshire: That was you who just said 'No' just then, not me.
Elena: (beat) You sure time travels safe?
Cheshire: Uhh...what was the question again?
(Sara enters, after knocking gently. She has an old fashioned or a tumbler in her hand with a drink,--presumably alcoholic-- on the rocks in it. She's a bit drunk)
Sara: 'Lena honey you're still in here?! It's a beautiful day out! You haven't seen your friends in weeks! Tell you what, why don't you call them up, I'll even let you stay for supper.
12 y/o Elena: No mom, I don't really feel like it, all they want to do is {plausible action/activity} (Keeps reading) Ooh! Did you know that a cat's brain is more similar to ours than a dogs is?
Sara: That-
12 y/o Elena: And that grass looks red to a cat?
Sara: Thats -
12 y/o Elena: And that Sir Issac Newton invented the cat flap? and that-
Sara: That's nice dear, why don't you share some of these facts with your friends?
12 y/o Elena: I don't have any friends.
Sara: (deadpan sarcasm) I wonder why that is. (more warm and motherly) 'Lena darling, I love you, but I think you would be so much happier with someone to talk to. Go out there and get a friend.
12 y/o Elena: (bolts up in excitement) You mean I can get a cat?!
Sara: Uhf! (with eyeroll and face palm.)Someone human Elena! Or have you forgotten that?
(Sara and 12 y/o Elena freeze as lighting focuses on Cheshire Cat and Elena)
Cheshire Cat: It was like that for the next five years. Age 13
(Cheshire Cat smiles, six offstage voices crescendo "Wwwaaa" and stop. While Sara and now 13 y/o Elena resume their positions in the scene. It's a quick time travel schtick)
Sara: You haven't seen your friends in weeks! Tell you what, why don't you call them up, I'll even let you stay for supper.
13 y/o Elena: No mom, I don't really feel like it. All they want to do is {More outlandish activity/action} (keeps reading)
Cheshire Cat: Age 14 (Cheshire Cat smiles, six off stage voices crescendo "Wwwaaa" And stop while Sara and now 14 year old Elena resume their positions in the scene)
Sara: You haven't seen your friends in weeks! Tell you what, why don't you call them up, I'll even let you stay for supper.
14 y/o Elena: No mom, I don't really feel like it. All they want to do is {Ludicrous and highly unlikely activity/action} (keeps reading)
Cheshire Cat: (looks like he's lost track of some thought) Uhm...
Elena: What?
Cheshire Cat: I lost count.
Elena: You're at 15 years old.
Cheshire: No. I'm flattered but I can assure you I'm much older than that.
Elena: No I meant that she, uh, I, back then, will be fifteen years old next.
Cheshire: Oh. Oh! Got you. (starts quick time travel schtick but is interrupted.)
Elena: I pretty much know what happens.
Offstage voice #1: We still get paid for that one right? (Elena looks around startled)
Cheshire Cat: Are you guys Union?
Offstage Voice #2: Yeah, and those dues are murder on our pocketbooks!
Cheshire: Yeah, I'll cover you. (turns to Elena) Then you were seventeen and joined the -
Elena: (interrupting with blissful pride) The Ailurophile Aficionado Association!
Cheshire: Yep, it was there all along, you just needed to go out and find it.
Elena: yes, yes, I know.
Cheshire: And it was there that you met.
Cheshire and Elena: (Elena with loathing and disgust) Doug Hammerlich
Cheshire: Yes! Your date to the prom!
Elena: (angry sarcasm) Thanks. Thanks a lot! I've only spent the last twelve years in therapy trying to forget that he, and that night ever existed!
Cheshire: Ah! Young love!
Elena: Oh please! Let's not go, please? Let's not? Can't we just skip it?
Cheshire: Sorry kiddo, that's not how time and the world works (big, Cheshire grin) but everybody wants their own world. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense, nothing would be what it is..( Cheshire Cats voice fades out as offstage actor fades in and continues with 'Through the Looking Glass'. Cheshire cat continues to mouth along through all of this. The offstage actor is joined by another actor, then another. Six in all each reading random lines from random Lewis Carroll stories and poems. All the while Elena stares, transfixed by that swaying, 1/4 moon smile. During this time stage hands come in and make any needed scenery changes. The six off stage voices come to a crescendo and stop abruptly.)
Elena: (annoyed) Oh please, you think I'm going..to...fall...for...tha...(Transfixed by grin....Elena Looks around) Awww dammit!
[Prom Lacuna]
(Cheshire and Elena watch off to the side in shadow as Doug and 18 y/o Elena are dressed for the prom, sitting in the car. Doug looks like he'd rather be elsewhere, 18 y/o Elena's has been talking and by the looks of Doug, has been for quite some time.)
18 y/o Elena: And then when I was ten, our neighbors down the street, the Stevensen's got this dilute orange mackerel tabby and white Manx kitten, and he was just the cutest thing ever! With the cutest little meow you'd ever heard, oh my god, he was so adorable! (ad lib)
Doug: (not listening) Uh, yeah, nice, real nice. Say, we're here. Uh, Elena, would you mind, waiting in the car?(As if coming up with hopefully not too lame sounding reason on the spot) I....I just, want to, scout the place out see who all is here. So I can, see what, type of entrance to make! You know, grandly? Coolly? Casually? Hang out with friends, hit the dance floor, (bit of disgust and fear as he looks at Elena) avoid the photographer.
18 y/o Elena: Oh, cool, sure sounds like a good idea. And again I'm really sorry your date caught the, what was it? Peruvian Whooping Llama Flu?
Doug: (still suspecting he may have been lied to by his ersatz prom date) Yeah.
Elena: I hope she gets better, but I'm glad I was still available for you.
Doug: (exits car, then turns around) Say, um, Elena?
18 y/o Elena: Yeah?
Doug: Why don't you give me your prom pass, and I'll let you in after I, assess the situation?
Elena: Don't say yes, don't say yes, don't say yes, don't say yes.
18 y/o Elena: Alright. (hands over prom pass)
Doug: Cool, I won't regret this! (dashes off)
Elena: (unable to fully commit to one swear word so just make a short series of inarticulate monosyllabic noises) Gah! No! Idiot!
(A few beats of time goes by, as Elena and Cheshire watch 18 y/o Elena sit in the car.)
Elena: Umm, y'know, I waited quite some time, could we? (makes circular motion with wrist to indicate 'move things along')
Chesire Cat: We can do that sure (makes circular motion with his wrist as well. He does this for a short while) Uh, why did you want to do this anyway?
Elena: This means get going! Move time along!
Cheshire: What? Oh yeah sure. (flash of smile, six offstage voices crescendo 'Wwwwaaaaa' and cut off. 18 y/o Elena is now at gym entrance. A football linebacker, and a coach/teacher is at the entrance as 18 y/o Elena tries to walk in. She is blocked)
Coach: Hold it young lady, we can't just have anyone walking in. It wouldn't be safe. Do you have a ticket?
18 y/o Elena: I do, but, uh, I gave it to my boyfriend and he went in ahead of me. I'm guessing something must have sidetracked him. (sees Doug offstage) Hey! Hey! Doug! Hey Doug! (Doug is departing rapidly) Wait! Doug! Where are you going?! (to Coach and Linebacker) That was him just there! If you could just (tries to get past but can't).
Coach: This is a special event, we do not want to see it crashed and spoiled. Now unless you have a ticket I can not let you in. I'm sure its not you're intention to ruin this event but that is something that I can't risk. I'm sure you understand. (18 y/o Elena nods, then hangs around trying to peek past Linebacker. Coach speaks with a more severe tone of voice) Madam, unless you can produce a ticket, I'm going to have to ask you to leave or I will call the cops.
18 y/o Elena: (Sighs in anger and defeat) Fine!(Stomps off, and goes around to the side. She sees a transom window above a door, and a garbage dumpster nearby.) That transom window above that side door, it's unlatched! But I can't reach it! Ooh I know! (Starts tugging on the heavy dumpster which slides with grinding, metal on asphalt protests. She grunts out her plan with each yank of the dumpster.) If. I. Can. Just. Get. This. Dump. Ster. Over. I. Can. Climb. Up. On. Top. And. Get. In! (more relaxed, the dumpster is in place) there that should do it. Now I just need to (it's a bit difficult getting on top especially by herself and in a prom dress, but after a few awkward attempts, she manages the feat. She scans the view through the window slowly, then manages to open the window. She's about to clamber on through when she stops cold. A slow dance number can be heard playing.) There's Doug Hammerlich!...and, he's dancing with Wendy Schmudtfeldt?!.....and Becky Kianifri? Okay, okay, calm down, we've been off and on for about a year now, and he did say Suzie Goebbelhoff did ask him first to the prom. Maybe it's just a casual, meaningless dance with some of his other friends....Maybe I could get his attention, oh God that would be so embarrassing if somebody else saw me up here! Have to do this surreptitiously now.. (cautious intermediate tapping of glass, 'hst!' noises, waving hand, etc.. anything to carefully get his attention.. Gasp of surprise) He saw me! He saw me! He- . He's leaving?! Wait! (Shouts) Wait! Hey! (tries to climb in through window) Hey where are- (Realizes what she's doing)
Offstage voice 1: Hey isn't that Elena _______?
Offstage Voice 2: You mean Elena the Crazy Cat Chick?
Offstage Voice 1: Oh my God it is! (laughing) What is she doing?! Hey look everyone! Elena's trying to climb in through that window!
(Entire school is now laughing at Elena. She backs out in a panic, loses her balance and falls into the muck filled dumpster. She tries hard not to gag.) I'm covered in, (gags) spoiled, (coughs) rancid, (wave of nausea) fly infested, (swallows hard) school lunch refuge! (groan) And it's going to take forever to get this stench off of me!...and I have to walk home! What else could go wrong? (Flash of lightning, and crash of thunder, a downpour begins. Elena rolls her eyes, and throws up her hands) Oh, of course, silly me. Lied to by my so called boyfriend, dumped, made a fool of myself infront of everybody, covered in dumpster crap, and now I'm soaking wet. I am so not looking forward to tomorrow. I think I live the worst possible existence ever! (A ragged, sickly stray cat takes refuge from the rain in the dumpster, having not seen Elena is in there. Elena feels remorse) Oh kitty! I guess someone is having a worse day than me. (reaches for cat, cat screeches in fear/anger lashes out and scrambles away) Ow! (Elena hisses in pain) You bit me! Ahh, that really hurts! (looks at hand in alarm) That is really swelling up fast! I have to get out of here and get this cleaned up! (leaves dumpster and exits stage)
Cheshire: You caught quite the fever from that bite.
Elena: Yes, I remember, well, vaguely. My whole arm was swollen by that time and I had nasty red lines on my face.. Home was five blocks west. I was found a mile southeast slumped over one of those five cent kiddy rides outside the local department store.
Cheshire: Yep, by some undergraduates.
Elena: Who then proceeded to decorate me with crepe paper and sharpies (Beat) and take pictures.
Cheshire: Made the front page in the 'About Town' section of the local paper.
Elena: I decided then and there, to go to an out of state college as far away as possible. (looks down, feeling emotionally overwrought. Looks to Cheshire, determined, holding back tears) Cheshire, I've seen things I'd thought I'd unseen. I want to go back. Now please.
Cheshire: You want to go back to when you were?
Elena: (emphatically) Yes.
Cheshire: One winter night?
Elena: (more emphatically) Yes!
Cheshire: At half past nine?
Elena: (even more emphatically) Yes!!
Cheshire Cat: All cold and tired and cross and muddy?
Elena: (Even more emphatically) Ye-!! (catches herself.) No!....Wait! Yes!!!
Cheshire: I had come home too late to dine
At 'all cold and tired and cross and muddy' Cheshire Cat fades out his voice and someone offstage fades in their voice continuing the lines from 'Phantasmagoria'. Cheshire cat continues to mouth along through all of this. The offstage actor is joined by another actor, then another. Six in all each reading random lines from random Lewis Carroll stories and poems. All the while Elena stares, transfixed by that swaying, 1/4 moon smile. During this time stage hands come in and make any needed scenery changes. The six off stage voices come to a crescendo and stop abruptly.)
(Two people dressed in cheesy, futuristic lame' suites cross paths and greet eachother warmly and joyfully)
Future Person #1: Erzzzzphud! Erihup Tobx marclopk!(jabs at own forehead with Spock-like gesture)
Future Person #2: Erzzzzphud! Eop-Fop Ith-thp-thp-thp-thp-thp-thp!(Kicks his own rear)
Elena: (mouthing words and pointing) What? The? Hell?!
Cheshire: Oops! Overshot your present by a (coughs) bit there. No need to panic! I've got it all under control!
Elena: Hold it! do you have another way of doing this other than the grinning hypnosis shtick with all the voices? The walls are starting to look all, (struggles to find right word) warped and wonky and I can't remember what I was thinking about just two minutes ago.
Cheshire: Oh there's a way, but I never use it.
Elena: Hey anything's preferable to spending my life staring at toasters and not having Dayquil to blame for it.
Cheshire: A-alright, well all I have to do is fade out the lights like this (lights fade), bit of weird sounding music (Weird sounding music. Two stagehands come in holding full length mirrors. They're hidden behind the mirrors which reflect Cheshire Cat and Elena in one mirror each. Cheshire Mirror speaks in unison with Cheshire Cat, and Elena Mirror speaks in unison with Elena)
Cheshire/Mirror: And here we are back in the present
Elena/Mirror: This is the present? So then, what am I looking at here?
Cheshire/Mirror: You're looking at what is happening....right....now (plays a bit of mirror game with himself) Ooo, crap. Now I remember why I don't travel like that anymore.
Elena/Mirror: There's two of me! Are we? I mean, am I stuck like this?
Cheshire/Mirror: No problem, No problem, I know what to do, I just need to (lights go off, bit of slightly different weird music. Two more stagehands with full length mirrors walk on. Lights come up)
Cheshire/2 Cheshire Mirrors: And now we are all- Yi-i!! Um, oh, wow! Uh, hold on.
Elena/2Elena Mirrors: This is getting weird! I don't even know what pronoun to use with myself anymore!
Cheshire/2Cheshire Mirrors: Just give us...me...us a bit! I think (starting to mutter to self) let's see, January 15, divided by the apogee of-no wait, that only works with the Buddhist calandar....okay, six billion divided by 365 days plus the square root of ten point nine to the twenty third power kilograms times the length of this bit of string is-s..ummm...(starts counting on fingers) one...two....three....
(Elena/2 Elena Mirrors Has had enough. Crashes onto couch and screams into pillow. As She does a loud can opener can be heard. Cheshire Cat and his two mirrors leave with joy and excitement running towards can opener. Both Elena mirrors shuffle off as they please.)
Elena: (Looking up to see she's back in her apartment in the present, by herself, with great relief) Thank, God! Everything's back to normal!
Scooter: This bites! I'm finally human and big enough to reach the catnip. I get thumbs, to open the little baggie, and now the stuff doesn't do anything for me! (storms off in a huff)
Elena: Never mind. (Elena's head drops back down onto the pillow)
Scene I
(Elena re-opens the door to find a stripy sweatered, widely-grinning cat waiting on the other side. He is the Cheshire Cat)
Cheshire: Most curious...aren't I...?
Elena: (still reeling from Basts' visit) Uh-I-Uh....
Cheshire: I am curious. Why wouldn't I be. I'm a cat.
Elena: Well...yeah, okay.
Cheshire: Hold on a sec (licks fur for a bit) yeah, I'm a cat. Wasn't sure for a second there. I thought maybe I might be a cat dreaming he's a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he's an insurance adjuster with a stack of 210B forms to fill out in triplicate. Ah, you mind if I come in?
Elena: Oh! No, no, please, come in.
Cheshire: (enters then turns around) but really we should be going.
Elena: (at cupboard) can I get you something....tuna? Chicken?....Greenie's?
Cheshire: (turns back around) Ooh, now that sounds lovely (stop) but, no, no I can not (turns around) but still (turns around again) No! No, no. Schedule to keep, Space-time waits for No One...lucky bastard.
Elena: Who?
Cheshire: No One. They and Space-time have some sort of deal I tell you.
Elena: (completely lost) O..kay?
(Cheshire Cat is ignoring her. He's transfixed by a light on her tree.)
Cheshire: Wo-oah...
Elena: (Clears throat) Mr., Cheshire, sir? (No response) Sir?! (no response) Sir!
Cheshire: (startled out of his reverie) What?! Who?! Where?!
Elena: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you!
Cheshire: S'all right, I was just reminded of the time I got into a box with a cat that lived with this Schrödinger guy. I tell you the things that we saw in that box when that lid was closed..(more alert tone of voice) Welp, times a-waistin! And we have some work to do...Um, could you bring along some of that shrimp you have in the fridge?
Elena: How did you know about that?
Cheshire: (Grin and shrug) I'm a cat. Now. We're going to play a game. I'm going to think of something and you have to guess what it is. Okay. I'm thinking of my smile (Smiles really big). What physical feature are Cheshire Cats most known for? (Lets his head rock and sway side to side, his smile moon bright and mesmerizing)
Elena: Your smile.
Cheshire: ( despair and offended but still grinning, still swinging) You cheated! somebody told you didn't they? (looks accusingly at the three former cats, still smiling)
Elena: (transfixed by the swaying grin) You...did...
Cheshire: I did? You must be mad, but that can't be helped, we're all mad here...(At 'but that can't be helped Cheshire Cat fades out his voice and someone offstage fades in their voice continuing the lines from 'Alice in Wonderland'. Cheshire cat continues to mouth along through all of this. The offstage actor is joined by another actor, then another. Six in all each reading random lines from random Lewis Carroll stories and poems. All the while Elena stares, transfixed by that swaying, 1/4 moon smile. During this time stage hands come in and make any needed scenery changes. The six off stage voices come to a crescendo and stop abruptly.)
Elena: (blinking owlishly and shaking her head) Where? Where am I?
Cheshire: Berkeley California, 1967. We've gone back into your past.
Elena: (confused) But, I was born in 1984...and, I'm fairly certain my parents grew up in Iowa.
Cheshire: I know that, I just like coming here. Oh look! There's Mr. Leary and Jim Morrison!
Elena: Ah, could we leave? This place looks like the inside of Dr. Gonzo's suitcase. I'd hate to fail a drug test and lose my job.
Cheshire: Oh no need to worry about that. They can not touch us, hear, nor see us.--Well, with some of the shrooms they might.-- we're an interdimensional fly on the wall. However unlike real flies we don't go ga-ga over garbage and feces, and we don't have ten million eyes and we don't have little lacy wings and-
Elena: I-! I get the picture.
Cheshire: Mmm, listen to that rhythm. basic 1-2 beat. 1-2-1-2-1-2.(starts grinning and rocking his head to the beat. Elena looks again at the 1/4 moon smile and is hypnotized by it.) 1-2-1-2 the vorpal blade...(again Cheshire Cat's voice fades out as offstage voice fades in and continues with 'Jabberwocky'. Cheshire cat continues to mouth along through all of this. The offstage actor is joined by another actor, then another. Six in all each reading random lines from random Lewis Carroll stories and poems. All the while Elena stares, transfixed by that swaying, 1/4 moon smile. During this time stage hands come in and make any needed scenery changes. The six off stage voices come to a crescendo and stop abruptly.)
Elena: (again, blinking owlishly, looking around uncertainly) How? How do you do that?
Cheshire: That thing with my voice? I haven't a clue.
Elena: No, I mean, how did we get back to here?
Cheshire: Simple. The perception in this universe is that Time is linear, but that is relative to who, when, and where you are. At the sub atomic level big bangs are happening all the time, it's a veritable quantum foam of explosions and micro worm holes. Most don't last for even one one trillionth of a picosecond, before massive pressure causes them to compress, but all the events that happen or could happen in that potential universe happen in that time, that one one trillionth of a picosecond, in that proto-universe. Just, in compressed time. If you can latch onto the right higgs-boson signature with the right microverse within that subatomic foam you can take one of the micro-wormholes to anywhen, anywhere you wish.
Elena: So, it's sort of like what Dr. Who does with TARDIS?
Cheshire: (looking lost) What?
Elena: (looking around. Amazed, confused, reminiscing.) No, I mean, how did I get here? This is my old bedroom! Only, the furniture's not like it was when I left, but like it was, when I was little. I had this furniture, these toys, this easel, oh, wow! I almost forgot I had that! I had all this stuff when I was like (5 y/o Elena walks in) five.
(muffled by distance and closed doors two voices can be heard. The Mother-Sara, and The Father -Frank are arguing again)
Frank: Oh Jeez! For crying out loud Sara it's not even seven yet, and that wine bottles almost empty!
Sara: Oh like you're a saint! So what if I'd had a few! What's your excuse this time?
Frank: I told you I had to close the merger on the Johnson-Klein account! (From somewhere, older sister Vivian starts to scream and slam her door repeatedly)
Sara: Oh, I know what sort of 'merger' you're talking about! Don't lie to me Frank! Who is she?!
Frank: Why do you always assume that? Dammit Sara I'm thirty minutes late. That's hardly enough time for an office romance.
Sara: Like you could ever be romantic
(Sara and Franks voices fade out as does the older sister Vivian)
Frank: At least I know that you don't grill chicken directly on the range top! Are you trying to burn the house down?!
5 y/o Elena: (Holding cat, Mr. Muffles) Oh Mr. Muffles, why do mommy and daddy have to fight?
Mr. Muffles: (A hand puppet operated by a stagehand actor.) Murrreowl (Roll the 'r's ) (rubs and purrs, bats at 5 y/o Elenas hair.
5 y/o Elena: (giggling) Oh Mr. Muffles! (Mr. Muffles and 5 y/o Elena interact silently)
Cheshire: (regards Mr. Muffles) These are some of your happiest memories Elena (Looks towards parents) and your worst.
(silent scene: 5 y/o Elenas older brother barges in startling her and Mr. Muffles. 5 yr old Elena yells at older brother who starts messing with her stuff....)
Elena: (While pantomime goes on in background) Yeah, look at us. I know all older brothers act like that but did he have to be such a jerk about it?
Cheshire: Maybe, but did you ever look at it this way? Right now, thanks to him, she isn't thinking about her parents fighting.
Elena: But I was doing that just fine with Mr. Muffles!
Cheshire: He didn't know that all he knew was that your parents were fighting and he had a baby sister who might need someone.
Elena: (Looking at brother in a whole new way.) He, was helping me. He was taking my mind off of unpleasant things. Giving me something else to think about.
Cheshire: Your brother loved you very much. He's just awkward at showing it.
Elena: (Beat) Well he's still a jerk!
(5 y/o Elena finally closes door on older brother. She immediately finds and comforts Mr. Muffles)
Elena: (fondly) Mr. Muffles was my first cat.
Cheshire: Yes, happy early childhood memories with a beloved pet. If you needed someone to talk to, there he was. Never judging, never criticizing. You spoke of many things. Of shoes, --and ships-- and ceiling wax..(Cheshire Cat continues with 'The Walrus and the Carpenter' his voice fading out, as an offstage voice fades in. Cheshire cat continues to mouth along through all of this. The offstage actor is joined by another actor, then another. Six in all each reading random lines from random Lewis Carroll stories and poems. All the while Elena stares, transfixed by that swaying, 1/4 moon smile. During this time stage hands come in and make any needed scenery changes. The six off stage voices come to a crescendo and stop abruptly.)
(Same bedroom, only for a 12 year old girl. 12 y/o Elena is on her bed, reading)
Elena:(Shakes head, feels dizzy and thick headed) Ugh, is all this time travel bad for me in any way?
Cheshire: Been doing it for years! Why I remember...(flash back Sfx, actors on ungulate their bodies, as if rippling)
Elena: Hold it! Stop! Perhaps some other time. (flashback effects stop.)
Cheshire: Nope
Elena: You insist on having a flashback?
Cheshire: Why, did you want one?
Elena: No, you just said 'no' and I thought that you meant you insisted on having a flashback.
Cheshire: That was you who just said 'No' just then, not me.
Elena: (beat) You sure time travels safe?
Cheshire: Uhh...what was the question again?
(Sara enters, after knocking gently. She has an old fashioned or a tumbler in her hand with a drink,--presumably alcoholic-- on the rocks in it. She's a bit drunk)
Sara: 'Lena honey you're still in here?! It's a beautiful day out! You haven't seen your friends in weeks! Tell you what, why don't you call them up, I'll even let you stay for supper.
12 y/o Elena: No mom, I don't really feel like it, all they want to do is {plausible action/activity} (Keeps reading) Ooh! Did you know that a cat's brain is more similar to ours than a dogs is?
Sara: That-
12 y/o Elena: And that grass looks red to a cat?
Sara: Thats -
12 y/o Elena: And that Sir Issac Newton invented the cat flap? and that-
Sara: That's nice dear, why don't you share some of these facts with your friends?
12 y/o Elena: I don't have any friends.
Sara: (deadpan sarcasm) I wonder why that is. (more warm and motherly) 'Lena darling, I love you, but I think you would be so much happier with someone to talk to. Go out there and get a friend.
12 y/o Elena: (bolts up in excitement) You mean I can get a cat?!
Sara: Uhf! (with eyeroll and face palm.)Someone human Elena! Or have you forgotten that?
(Sara and 12 y/o Elena freeze as lighting focuses on Cheshire Cat and Elena)
Cheshire Cat: It was like that for the next five years. Age 13
(Cheshire Cat smiles, six offstage voices crescendo "Wwwaaa" and stop. While Sara and now 13 y/o Elena resume their positions in the scene. It's a quick time travel schtick)
Sara: You haven't seen your friends in weeks! Tell you what, why don't you call them up, I'll even let you stay for supper.
13 y/o Elena: No mom, I don't really feel like it. All they want to do is {More outlandish activity/action} (keeps reading)
Cheshire Cat: Age 14 (Cheshire Cat smiles, six off stage voices crescendo "Wwwaaa" And stop while Sara and now 14 year old Elena resume their positions in the scene)
Sara: You haven't seen your friends in weeks! Tell you what, why don't you call them up, I'll even let you stay for supper.
14 y/o Elena: No mom, I don't really feel like it. All they want to do is {Ludicrous and highly unlikely activity/action} (keeps reading)
Cheshire Cat: (looks like he's lost track of some thought) Uhm...
Elena: What?
Cheshire Cat: I lost count.
Elena: You're at 15 years old.
Cheshire: No. I'm flattered but I can assure you I'm much older than that.
Elena: No I meant that she, uh, I, back then, will be fifteen years old next.
Cheshire: Oh. Oh! Got you. (starts quick time travel schtick but is interrupted.)
Elena: I pretty much know what happens.
Offstage voice #1: We still get paid for that one right? (Elena looks around startled)
Cheshire Cat: Are you guys Union?
Offstage Voice #2: Yeah, and those dues are murder on our pocketbooks!
Cheshire: Yeah, I'll cover you. (turns to Elena) Then you were seventeen and joined the -
Elena: (interrupting with blissful pride) The Ailurophile Aficionado Association!
Cheshire: Yep, it was there all along, you just needed to go out and find it.
Elena: yes, yes, I know.
Cheshire: And it was there that you met.
Cheshire and Elena: (Elena with loathing and disgust) Doug Hammerlich
Cheshire: Yes! Your date to the prom!
Elena: (angry sarcasm) Thanks. Thanks a lot! I've only spent the last twelve years in therapy trying to forget that he, and that night ever existed!
Cheshire: Ah! Young love!
Elena: Oh please! Let's not go, please? Let's not? Can't we just skip it?
Cheshire: Sorry kiddo, that's not how time and the world works (big, Cheshire grin) but everybody wants their own world. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense, nothing would be what it is..( Cheshire Cats voice fades out as offstage actor fades in and continues with 'Through the Looking Glass'. Cheshire cat continues to mouth along through all of this. The offstage actor is joined by another actor, then another. Six in all each reading random lines from random Lewis Carroll stories and poems. All the while Elena stares, transfixed by that swaying, 1/4 moon smile. During this time stage hands come in and make any needed scenery changes. The six off stage voices come to a crescendo and stop abruptly.)
Elena: (annoyed) Oh please, you think I'm going..to...fall...for...tha...(Transfixed by grin....Elena Looks around) Awww dammit!
[Prom Lacuna]
(Cheshire and Elena watch off to the side in shadow as Doug and 18 y/o Elena are dressed for the prom, sitting in the car. Doug looks like he'd rather be elsewhere, 18 y/o Elena's has been talking and by the looks of Doug, has been for quite some time.)
18 y/o Elena: And then when I was ten, our neighbors down the street, the Stevensen's got this dilute orange mackerel tabby and white Manx kitten, and he was just the cutest thing ever! With the cutest little meow you'd ever heard, oh my god, he was so adorable! (ad lib)
Doug: (not listening) Uh, yeah, nice, real nice. Say, we're here. Uh, Elena, would you mind, waiting in the car?(As if coming up with hopefully not too lame sounding reason on the spot) I....I just, want to, scout the place out see who all is here. So I can, see what, type of entrance to make! You know, grandly? Coolly? Casually? Hang out with friends, hit the dance floor, (bit of disgust and fear as he looks at Elena) avoid the photographer.
18 y/o Elena: Oh, cool, sure sounds like a good idea. And again I'm really sorry your date caught the, what was it? Peruvian Whooping Llama Flu?
Doug: (still suspecting he may have been lied to by his ersatz prom date) Yeah.
Elena: I hope she gets better, but I'm glad I was still available for you.
Doug: (exits car, then turns around) Say, um, Elena?
18 y/o Elena: Yeah?
Doug: Why don't you give me your prom pass, and I'll let you in after I, assess the situation?
Elena: Don't say yes, don't say yes, don't say yes, don't say yes.
18 y/o Elena: Alright. (hands over prom pass)
Doug: Cool, I won't regret this! (dashes off)
Elena: (unable to fully commit to one swear word so just make a short series of inarticulate monosyllabic noises) Gah! No! Idiot!
(A few beats of time goes by, as Elena and Cheshire watch 18 y/o Elena sit in the car.)
Elena: Umm, y'know, I waited quite some time, could we? (makes circular motion with wrist to indicate 'move things along')
Chesire Cat: We can do that sure (makes circular motion with his wrist as well. He does this for a short while) Uh, why did you want to do this anyway?
Elena: This means get going! Move time along!
Cheshire: What? Oh yeah sure. (flash of smile, six offstage voices crescendo 'Wwwwaaaaa' and cut off. 18 y/o Elena is now at gym entrance. A football linebacker, and a coach/teacher is at the entrance as 18 y/o Elena tries to walk in. She is blocked)
Coach: Hold it young lady, we can't just have anyone walking in. It wouldn't be safe. Do you have a ticket?
18 y/o Elena: I do, but, uh, I gave it to my boyfriend and he went in ahead of me. I'm guessing something must have sidetracked him. (sees Doug offstage) Hey! Hey! Doug! Hey Doug! (Doug is departing rapidly) Wait! Doug! Where are you going?! (to Coach and Linebacker) That was him just there! If you could just (tries to get past but can't).
Coach: This is a special event, we do not want to see it crashed and spoiled. Now unless you have a ticket I can not let you in. I'm sure its not you're intention to ruin this event but that is something that I can't risk. I'm sure you understand. (18 y/o Elena nods, then hangs around trying to peek past Linebacker. Coach speaks with a more severe tone of voice) Madam, unless you can produce a ticket, I'm going to have to ask you to leave or I will call the cops.
18 y/o Elena: (Sighs in anger and defeat) Fine!(Stomps off, and goes around to the side. She sees a transom window above a door, and a garbage dumpster nearby.) That transom window above that side door, it's unlatched! But I can't reach it! Ooh I know! (Starts tugging on the heavy dumpster which slides with grinding, metal on asphalt protests. She grunts out her plan with each yank of the dumpster.) If. I. Can. Just. Get. This. Dump. Ster. Over. I. Can. Climb. Up. On. Top. And. Get. In! (more relaxed, the dumpster is in place) there that should do it. Now I just need to (it's a bit difficult getting on top especially by herself and in a prom dress, but after a few awkward attempts, she manages the feat. She scans the view through the window slowly, then manages to open the window. She's about to clamber on through when she stops cold. A slow dance number can be heard playing.) There's Doug Hammerlich!...and, he's dancing with Wendy Schmudtfeldt?!.....and Becky Kianifri? Okay, okay, calm down, we've been off and on for about a year now, and he did say Suzie Goebbelhoff did ask him first to the prom. Maybe it's just a casual, meaningless dance with some of his other friends....Maybe I could get his attention, oh God that would be so embarrassing if somebody else saw me up here! Have to do this surreptitiously now.. (cautious intermediate tapping of glass, 'hst!' noises, waving hand, etc.. anything to carefully get his attention.. Gasp of surprise) He saw me! He saw me! He- . He's leaving?! Wait! (Shouts) Wait! Hey! (tries to climb in through window) Hey where are- (Realizes what she's doing)
Offstage voice 1: Hey isn't that Elena _______?
Offstage Voice 2: You mean Elena the Crazy Cat Chick?
Offstage Voice 1: Oh my God it is! (laughing) What is she doing?! Hey look everyone! Elena's trying to climb in through that window!
(Entire school is now laughing at Elena. She backs out in a panic, loses her balance and falls into the muck filled dumpster. She tries hard not to gag.) I'm covered in, (gags) spoiled, (coughs) rancid, (wave of nausea) fly infested, (swallows hard) school lunch refuge! (groan) And it's going to take forever to get this stench off of me!...and I have to walk home! What else could go wrong? (Flash of lightning, and crash of thunder, a downpour begins. Elena rolls her eyes, and throws up her hands) Oh, of course, silly me. Lied to by my so called boyfriend, dumped, made a fool of myself infront of everybody, covered in dumpster crap, and now I'm soaking wet. I am so not looking forward to tomorrow. I think I live the worst possible existence ever! (A ragged, sickly stray cat takes refuge from the rain in the dumpster, having not seen Elena is in there. Elena feels remorse) Oh kitty! I guess someone is having a worse day than me. (reaches for cat, cat screeches in fear/anger lashes out and scrambles away) Ow! (Elena hisses in pain) You bit me! Ahh, that really hurts! (looks at hand in alarm) That is really swelling up fast! I have to get out of here and get this cleaned up! (leaves dumpster and exits stage)
Cheshire: You caught quite the fever from that bite.
Elena: Yes, I remember, well, vaguely. My whole arm was swollen by that time and I had nasty red lines on my face.. Home was five blocks west. I was found a mile southeast slumped over one of those five cent kiddy rides outside the local department store.
Cheshire: Yep, by some undergraduates.
Elena: Who then proceeded to decorate me with crepe paper and sharpies (Beat) and take pictures.
Cheshire: Made the front page in the 'About Town' section of the local paper.
Elena: I decided then and there, to go to an out of state college as far away as possible. (looks down, feeling emotionally overwrought. Looks to Cheshire, determined, holding back tears) Cheshire, I've seen things I'd thought I'd unseen. I want to go back. Now please.
Cheshire: You want to go back to when you were?
Elena: (emphatically) Yes.
Cheshire: One winter night?
Elena: (more emphatically) Yes!
Cheshire: At half past nine?
Elena: (even more emphatically) Yes!!
Cheshire Cat: All cold and tired and cross and muddy?
Elena: (Even more emphatically) Ye-!! (catches herself.) No!....Wait! Yes!!!
Cheshire: I had come home too late to dine
At 'all cold and tired and cross and muddy' Cheshire Cat fades out his voice and someone offstage fades in their voice continuing the lines from 'Phantasmagoria'. Cheshire cat continues to mouth along through all of this. The offstage actor is joined by another actor, then another. Six in all each reading random lines from random Lewis Carroll stories and poems. All the while Elena stares, transfixed by that swaying, 1/4 moon smile. During this time stage hands come in and make any needed scenery changes. The six off stage voices come to a crescendo and stop abruptly.)
(Two people dressed in cheesy, futuristic lame' suites cross paths and greet eachother warmly and joyfully)
Future Person #1: Erzzzzphud! Erihup Tobx marclopk!(jabs at own forehead with Spock-like gesture)
Future Person #2: Erzzzzphud! Eop-Fop Ith-thp-thp-thp-thp-thp-thp!(Kicks his own rear)
Elena: (mouthing words and pointing) What? The? Hell?!
Cheshire: Oops! Overshot your present by a (coughs) bit there. No need to panic! I've got it all under control!
Elena: Hold it! do you have another way of doing this other than the grinning hypnosis shtick with all the voices? The walls are starting to look all, (struggles to find right word) warped and wonky and I can't remember what I was thinking about just two minutes ago.
Cheshire: Oh there's a way, but I never use it.
Elena: Hey anything's preferable to spending my life staring at toasters and not having Dayquil to blame for it.
Cheshire: A-alright, well all I have to do is fade out the lights like this (lights fade), bit of weird sounding music (Weird sounding music. Two stagehands come in holding full length mirrors. They're hidden behind the mirrors which reflect Cheshire Cat and Elena in one mirror each. Cheshire Mirror speaks in unison with Cheshire Cat, and Elena Mirror speaks in unison with Elena)
Cheshire/Mirror: And here we are back in the present
Elena/Mirror: This is the present? So then, what am I looking at here?
Cheshire/Mirror: You're looking at what is happening....right....now (plays a bit of mirror game with himself) Ooo, crap. Now I remember why I don't travel like that anymore.
Elena/Mirror: There's two of me! Are we? I mean, am I stuck like this?
Cheshire/Mirror: No problem, No problem, I know what to do, I just need to (lights go off, bit of slightly different weird music. Two more stagehands with full length mirrors walk on. Lights come up)
Cheshire/2 Cheshire Mirrors: And now we are all- Yi-i!! Um, oh, wow! Uh, hold on.
Elena/2Elena Mirrors: This is getting weird! I don't even know what pronoun to use with myself anymore!
Cheshire/2Cheshire Mirrors: Just give us...me...us a bit! I think (starting to mutter to self) let's see, January 15, divided by the apogee of-no wait, that only works with the Buddhist calandar....okay, six billion divided by 365 days plus the square root of ten point nine to the twenty third power kilograms times the length of this bit of string is-s..ummm...(starts counting on fingers) one...two....three....
(Elena/2 Elena Mirrors Has had enough. Crashes onto couch and screams into pillow. As She does a loud can opener can be heard. Cheshire Cat and his two mirrors leave with joy and excitement running towards can opener. Both Elena mirrors shuffle off as they please.)
Elena: (Looking up to see she's back in her apartment in the present, by herself, with great relief) Thank, God! Everything's back to normal!
Scooter: This bites! I'm finally human and big enough to reach the catnip. I get thumbs, to open the little baggie, and now the stuff doesn't do anything for me! (storms off in a huff)
Elena: Never mind. (Elena's head drops back down onto the pillow)
Category Story / All
Species Housecat
Size 720 x 1280px
File Size 133.1 kB
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