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Ryouji has made his way to the demoness' throne room, but happened to his companions back at the bridge? Deep within the bowels of the mountain, they meet new friends... and new enemies!
Cheesy description is cheesy. :B
So, this installment was a pain and a half to write. In fact, it was four pains, as this is about the fourth rewrite. I'm finally happy with how the plot came out, but I'm not altogether certain it all works together, so I would like some extra care with reading this, if you all would. c.c I think, upon reflection, that my main concern is, am I letting them win too easily?
The climactic finish to season 1 comes next! :D
Also, see just how many things I can inadvertently rip off when designing monsters!
BEFORE CRITIQUING: please click "FIRST" and refer to the critiquer's note in the first chapter. Thank you.
Ryouji has made his way to the demoness' throne room, but happened to his companions back at the bridge? Deep within the bowels of the mountain, they meet new friends... and new enemies!
Cheesy description is cheesy. :B
So, this installment was a pain and a half to write. In fact, it was four pains, as this is about the fourth rewrite. I'm finally happy with how the plot came out, but I'm not altogether certain it all works together, so I would like some extra care with reading this, if you all would. c.c I think, upon reflection, that my main concern is, am I letting them win too easily?
The climactic finish to season 1 comes next! :D
Also, see just how many things I can inadvertently rip off when designing monsters!
BEFORE CRITIQUING: please click "FIRST" and refer to the critiquer's note in the first chapter. Thank you.
Category Story / Anime
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 16.7 kB
Listed in Folders
Just stab the jailer with the convenient plot device... I mean spear?
This may have been a pain but I'm glad it came out (...that sounded wrong...) Seriously, I didn't notice any glaring plot inconsistencies. Everything from the scene description to the fight scene seemed pretty clear to me. A few spelling issues if you want me to nitpick...
Overall, really enjoyable. I can't wait until December for the next episode! Thanks for the work TakeWalker!
This may have been a pain but I'm glad it came out (...that sounded wrong...) Seriously, I didn't notice any glaring plot inconsistencies. Everything from the scene description to the fight scene seemed pretty clear to me. A few spelling issues if you want me to nitpick...
Overall, really enjoyable. I can't wait until December for the next episode! Thanks for the work TakeWalker!
Sorry. I did my best to hide my belief that that was who you were thinking of too. Then again, when it comes to the list of recognizable scorpion human hybrids, the Scorpion King is pretty high up there.
Still, a wonderful monster choice for a jailer. And you lost me with the rock monsters... So that's a plus.
Still, a wonderful monster choice for a jailer. And you lost me with the rock monsters... So that's a plus.
No, I don't think you're letting them win too easily. There's been enough of a struggle in the battles to keep things interesting. Thing is, from the reader's point of view, they know the main characters are going to win, and if they lose they'll live. The only time I think winning too easily is a problem in stories like this is if it seems like the author is pulling out something mid battle that serves as the key to victory... Like some power the character could have used, but chose not too until now, not giving any reasoning behind not using it until now... You have not done that, so no problem!
Hm, I still don't sound as clear as I want...
Hm, I still don't sound as clear as I want...
No, I think I get it. :3 Thank you.
And I've really tried to avoid that whole "Now face my TRUE POWER!" nonsense. :| While I think the original concept has honestly fallen by the wayside, I wanted to break a lot of anime cliches while writing OAR. That may be the only one I can do consistently, but season 2 will tell us for sure.
And I've really tried to avoid that whole "Now face my TRUE POWER!" nonsense. :| While I think the original concept has honestly fallen by the wayside, I wanted to break a lot of anime cliches while writing OAR. That may be the only one I can do consistently, but season 2 will tell us for sure.
Well, you've succeeded. So far, your characters have succeeded in defeating their opponents with the tools and skills they have, only changing up the creativity. Very cool, very nice
You mention Season 2... I have an idea what you may mean... R's amazing tryout power... Just speculation on my part. Gah, don't listen to me, I'm just thinking aloud.
You mention Season 2... I have an idea what you may mean... R's amazing tryout power... Just speculation on my part. Gah, don't listen to me, I'm just thinking aloud.
Hee hee, you may be on to something... ;D
And actually, "season 2" is kind of arbitrary, but basically, after the climactic final battle with the demoness (next chapter!), there's a bit of a cooldown period. It's a nice place to say, "Hey, look how far we've come!" Things ramp up really quick, of course, but the main point of the mountain storyline is to show Ryouji and company fighting all out, without having to worry about killing people. I mean, even Carmel's getting into it, sheesh! But after all that exertion, there needs to be a rest, and this is almost halfway through the entire series, as I have it planned currently. :)
And actually, "season 2" is kind of arbitrary, but basically, after the climactic final battle with the demoness (next chapter!), there's a bit of a cooldown period. It's a nice place to say, "Hey, look how far we've come!" Things ramp up really quick, of course, but the main point of the mountain storyline is to show Ryouji and company fighting all out, without having to worry about killing people. I mean, even Carmel's getting into it, sheesh! But after all that exertion, there needs to be a rest, and this is almost halfway through the entire series, as I have it planned currently. :)
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