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Ryouji waited. The lights around him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the mountain. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Mayor Chouchou were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Ryouji was a Archer for fourteen years. When he was young he saw the mountain and he said to dad "I want to be in the mountain daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the mountain of the Yamauba he knew there were demons.
"This is Steinar" the Ranger crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So Ryouji gotted his bwo and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the batdemon and he fired the lightnings. Ryouji arrowed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the bridge fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The Ranger said "No, Ryouji. You are the demons"
And then Ryouji was a zombie.
I had to. :D
The action is heating up, the danger is immense, will our heroes make it out? Well, of course they will. The question is, what must be sacrificed in the process?
The other thing that's up is the totally not responding to my stories, guys, what's going on? :| Are you busy? I'm seriously 9 months behind and slowly catching up. It would help a lot if time would just stop for a while, y'know?
Two more episodes, then the exciting conclusion to Season 1 of Omega Archer Ryouji! Stay tuned.
BEFORE CRITIQUING: please click "FIRST" and refer to the critiquer's note in the first chapter. Thank you.
Ryouji waited. The lights around him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the mountain. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Mayor Chouchou were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Ryouji was a Archer for fourteen years. When he was young he saw the mountain and he said to dad "I want to be in the mountain daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the mountain of the Yamauba he knew there were demons.
"This is Steinar" the Ranger crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So Ryouji gotted his bwo and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the batdemon and he fired the lightnings. Ryouji arrowed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the bridge fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The Ranger said "No, Ryouji. You are the demons"
And then Ryouji was a zombie.
I had to. :D
The action is heating up, the danger is immense, will our heroes make it out? Well, of course they will. The question is, what must be sacrificed in the process?
The other thing that's up is the totally not responding to my stories, guys, what's going on? :| Are you busy? I'm seriously 9 months behind and slowly catching up. It would help a lot if time would just stop for a while, y'know?
Two more episodes, then the exciting conclusion to Season 1 of Omega Archer Ryouji! Stay tuned.
BEFORE CRITIQUING: please click "FIRST" and refer to the critiquer's note in the first chapter. Thank you.
Category Story / Anime
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 15.2 kB
Listed in Folders
A response, huh? I guess I could give you my thoughts...though I'm a bit nervous. You're so good.
First, I love your series as a whole. Your strategy of having short battles every couple of episodes really provides a nice balance between action and development, and keeps the story entertaining and moving. I do hope you continue putting these out, and eagerly anticipate the next.
Second, I do have a question about the battle between Ryouji and the shadow demon. I understand his first move was to get a mark on the demon so he had a target, but after that was confusing. His initial barrage was seemingly ineffective, yet the demon fell after the first Holy Fletch, and Ryouji stated the arrows were not meant to harm him. If so, what were they for? This is probably just my ignorance, I probably am missing something, but it would clear things up for me.
And third, your description is awesome (was going to say instant win...too nerdy?), nice reference.
First, I love your series as a whole. Your strategy of having short battles every couple of episodes really provides a nice balance between action and development, and keeps the story entertaining and moving. I do hope you continue putting these out, and eagerly anticipate the next.
Second, I do have a question about the battle between Ryouji and the shadow demon. I understand his first move was to get a mark on the demon so he had a target, but after that was confusing. His initial barrage was seemingly ineffective, yet the demon fell after the first Holy Fletch, and Ryouji stated the arrows were not meant to harm him. If so, what were they for? This is probably just my ignorance, I probably am missing something, but it would clear things up for me.
And third, your description is awesome (was going to say instant win...too nerdy?), nice reference.
I think you're too kind. ^v^; But I am glad to know that the pacing works. :3 I decided I wanted this to be action-oriented, so I've tried to have at least one battle, or the setup for a battle, in every episode.
Uhhhhh, as for the arrows... Crap, let me reread this. Hot damn, I actually have no idea. o.O Let's see... first, he set up the Megiddo Typhoon with the marks. Then he filled the demon full of arrows, about half of which hit. And despite making contact, they don't actually hurt the demon because they're just normal arrows, the magical part is that they come out all in a bunch and home in on the targets. I really can't remember what my figuring was here, but I think the arrows kept the demon phased in, since he could meld with the darkness and become immaterial. The demon stops to gloat about the arrows pretty much being ineffective, which gives Ryouji the opportunity he needs to utilize the demon-destroying Holy Fletch and finish him off.
Does that make any sense? I think I kind of glossed over it in the text, and that battle scene could definitely use some tweaking.
Uhhhhh, as for the arrows... Crap, let me reread this. Hot damn, I actually have no idea. o.O Let's see... first, he set up the Megiddo Typhoon with the marks. Then he filled the demon full of arrows, about half of which hit. And despite making contact, they don't actually hurt the demon because they're just normal arrows, the magical part is that they come out all in a bunch and home in on the targets. I really can't remember what my figuring was here, but I think the arrows kept the demon phased in, since he could meld with the darkness and become immaterial. The demon stops to gloat about the arrows pretty much being ineffective, which gives Ryouji the opportunity he needs to utilize the demon-destroying Holy Fletch and finish him off.
Does that make any sense? I think I kind of glossed over it in the text, and that battle scene could definitely use some tweaking.
Ah! Having the arrows keep him from phasing makes perfect sense! Matches up perfectly with his line "Those arrows were never meant to harm you at all". I agree, that's probably what you were thinking. And the battle scene doesn't need that much tweaking, it was just the logic behind the moves that confused me.
But if you are going to do tweaking, then forgive me, I have one more comment. I like the "For the monks of Yamakage!" line, definitely something you'd expect of Ryouji. It just didn't carry the impact it could have. I think it's the placement. Perhaps if it was said right before the killing blow? As though his desire to avenge the fallen fueled his holy fire, or something not nearly as mellow dramatic as I just said it...
But if you are going to do tweaking, then forgive me, I have one more comment. I like the "For the monks of Yamakage!" line, definitely something you'd expect of Ryouji. It just didn't carry the impact it could have. I think it's the placement. Perhaps if it was said right before the killing blow? As though his desire to avenge the fallen fueled his holy fire, or something not nearly as mellow dramatic as I just said it...
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