Good day, lovely watchers.

So, it's Freya's Day, maybe the last hurrah of tedium for some of you fine folke- last day of school, last day of work... *half-grimaces/smirks*... lucky tossers. *snofts* Well, good on yer, then. Not so for me, but in the mean time, let's talk about some games together, eh? Friday is GAME DAY after all...

SO, our last Fry's Day together I yammered on a titch about a game I liked. I try to do that, really I do. *sets her chin* Keep things a bit more positive around here. Today though, I'd like to mention a few things about one of the more... *sighs* ...no other way to say it really... "disappointing" entries in a mostly awesome series of games from the one-time-great producer of video-gaming-gold, Konami.

Now, if ever there was a game series I just loved to pieces in a almost non-consentual way, it would be Castlevania. *hugs herself, purring* I mean that. *big eyes* Seriously. If Castlevania could've crawled up out of my NES and sprouted robot-parts and tried to assault me, I doubt I'd have been mad about it for too long. *sighs* At least up until the N64, Konami's horror/adventure/action series had been a succession of pitches right across the home plate. *smiles, waxing nostalgic* Big ol' chungy grapefruits they just knocked out of the park *winces slightly* Or at least made it to the bases. Simon's Quest was a bit dodgy... but the rest were just magnificent. Yes, years ago, I was but a wee thing. I hugged and squeezed my NES, my SNES, my Genesis and my Sony Playstation. From the tight controls and simple yet challenging gameplay of the original Castlevania to the beautiful music, lavish sprites and amazing Metroid-esque world of the newest "Symphony of The Night" I was enamoured.

Then came the N64... and... *head tilts*... things took a turn.

Now, I know what some of you are already thinking dear watchers. *raises her hands, backing up a step* I come not to lay siege to your treasured memories of Mario 64, Mischief Makers or Goldeneye. Such marvelous times are yours to cling to and I wouldn't dream of besmirching their good names on the candied pink clouds of your nostalgia...

*eyebrow arcs* ...but what Nintendo 64 did to my Castlevania was shit. *rubs her neck* An' I gotta get this off my chest. *groans, running her nails through her hair* We'll be skipping over "Castlevania64" for purposes of this discussion, lovely watchers, as I came across "Legacy of Darkness" first and it... it hurt me. *taps her bosom* hurt me, right here...

Grrrmnrggblgrrrmnmm.... HOW?! *flails about in exasperation* HOW can you FUCK UP "BROODING EFFEMINATE KUNG-FU WEREWOLF CASTLEVANIA"?! Just the IDEA of such a thing was enough to give me a RAGING lady-boner. *growls, big-eyed* OH man, it was like a honey-roasted midget with sprinkles. A New Castlevania on the NES label? "Surely", I thought "after the great Bloodlines on Genesis and the awesome SoTN on PSN, Nintendo must be ready to reclaim the throne and show everyone how it's done all over again!" Where was the down side?

Well, for starters, polygonal graphics were the new thing at the time. *winces* Many developers were trying to toss their varied chapeaus into the ring but... the technology wasn't quite there yet. Nowadays, Many gamers look back to some of the big hits of the time and very politely say that they "haven't aged well". To be a bit more blunt about it, they weren't that much to look at then, either. With the jaw-dropping visuals and amazing music of "Symphony of The Night" perched upon the horizon, I had high expectations in my heart for my continued love-affair with the exploits of the Belmont clan and their battles for the fate of our world against the forces of Darkness... and the N64 took a great big dooker right on the plush carpeting of my heart. It looked absolutely dreadful. Choppy, blocky, boxy, polygonal nightmares with club feet and microphone stands up their arses side-long.

The music... was... just... ugh. Again, with so many classic themes to draw from and the PSN giving a top-marks showing of what could be done to update those tracks for the new era of gaming, the bar was set pretty high. In this respect, the N64 didn't just drop the ball. It threw it down a flight of stairs, waited for me to go get it, then slapped it from my hands and shot me in the knee cap with an uzi for my troubles.

But how did it play, you may be asking? *eyebrow arcs* A good game is not built on graphics and sound but on gameplay, atmosphere and control. The classics of bygone days were built with sprites and songs you could re-create on a pocket-calculator but were glued to our collective souls by their engaging gameplay, tight controls and imaginative, inventive worlds. Surely the N64 could do better than it's 16 and 32bit competition. *sighs, slumping on the couch* Or not. The game controlled like a angry buttered badger with a steering wheel up it's hump. The horrid graphics and almost non-existent sound left the atmosphere a mess of triangular, jagged dregckh which was just too jarring to pull me in. And for the control... IF I could stop fighting with the god-AWFUL camera long enough to wrestle the choppy-animation and poor hit-detection of the character away from the awkward controls... *rubs her temples, tiring*... it was "unintuitive" to put it mildly.

To their credit, the developers took a chance and tried something a bit different. Sure, they were chasing the trend of the time. It looked like 3D was the way things were going for practically every genre. They had to keep up with the Joneses but Castlevania hadn't gone there yet and it took a little gumption to give that a try. Moving such a beloved series down an untested rabbit-hole took some guts so credit where credit is due. However, raping a bear is something I've never really tried either. This would also require some guts on my part, but even if all the coolest of the cool kids were doing it, I doubt I'd even try as that's a damned stupid idea, tempting though it may be.

Sad to say, for my dollar "Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness" only had one good thing going for it and that was the protagonist Cornell. I've always felt that this character had the potential to be a good lead or at least a returning support character in a future game but to my knowledge he only ever ...sort of... returned for the... er... *smirks* "divisive Wii title "Castlevania: Judgement". Cornell, wherefor art thou, my angsty wolfy warrior...?

I'm sure the fan-fiction market could probably lift my spirits in this regard... *smile brightens*


So, that's my sadness for you, dearest watchers. Every beautiful heart-warming memory of passionate sexual congress has it's unpleasant reflection upon a soiled bedspread. For me, that will always be "Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness". The N64- sleeping in the wet spot. Maybe you got some joy out of it. Maybe you shared in my suffering. *raises her glass* Either way, best of days to you dear watchers and if you've read this far, thank you for sharing in my pain *smiles*. Good morrow and game on. One world and one love for us all.