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I'm still pretty deeply affected by some stuff going on, or a lack of going on. The safe/mild anxiety medication I was given has definitely helped, since I feel "calm" and can manage to continue working and therefore be able to afford to move somewhere I can be away from my family. But where there used to be a panic, crying or anxiety occasionally, it's all kinda null and void. Negative thoughts, but no dumb impulses.
I just feel stuck with the things bothering me, and talking it out isn't useful, and I'm not in a position where there is any physical solution either. Not right now, anyway. "You are just as lonely as you feel" is something I can't get out of my head, and I'm pretty sure I've whined about that here before, maybe phrased differently. I appreciate having support and an audience online, I have a lot of fun with everyone, but it's hard knowing that I can't look around and find a significant support around my home anytime I feel like I need it—even just a little bit of "it'll be okay, you're just upset right now."
I just sort of sat down after I finished working on what I needed to tonight and thought, "now what?"
...
..... "I could work more".
I just feel stuck with the things bothering me, and talking it out isn't useful, and I'm not in a position where there is any physical solution either. Not right now, anyway. "You are just as lonely as you feel" is something I can't get out of my head, and I'm pretty sure I've whined about that here before, maybe phrased differently. I appreciate having support and an audience online, I have a lot of fun with everyone, but it's hard knowing that I can't look around and find a significant support around my home anytime I feel like I need it—even just a little bit of "it'll be okay, you're just upset right now."
I just sort of sat down after I finished working on what I needed to tonight and thought, "now what?"
...
..... "I could work more".
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Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1264 x 1280px
File Size 66.5 kB
You just need to find yourself something to keep your mind busy for a while! Preferably if it entertains you, if you really don't think you have anywhere to go (ie. hobbies etc) and instead stay at home, maybe it's not that bad of an idea to engage in some sort of fantasy reading (or gaming as some do) to give you a bit of an escape in the meanwhile.
I hope you appreciate that it's a lot better to be able to have the negative thoughts but not be entirely ruled by them in terms of actions, if anything just be more open to looking at them rather than thinking you feel rather null/void in terms of your mind, after all you're still able to think or you wouldn't be saying that! The ability to have these negative ideas without terrible impulses is pretty eye opening at times if you're able to realise 'well things maybe aren't that bad', it is a lot about perspectives as you said.
"Now what?" Isn't necessarily the worst, you can definitely feel it's a bit of a 'I have nothing to do, nowhere to go', but you can also take it as a 'I guess I do have time to do anything.. and I guess I don't feel as bad as I used to or I wouldn't be here, having finished all my work.' etc!
I hope you appreciate that it's a lot better to be able to have the negative thoughts but not be entirely ruled by them in terms of actions, if anything just be more open to looking at them rather than thinking you feel rather null/void in terms of your mind, after all you're still able to think or you wouldn't be saying that! The ability to have these negative ideas without terrible impulses is pretty eye opening at times if you're able to realise 'well things maybe aren't that bad', it is a lot about perspectives as you said.
"Now what?" Isn't necessarily the worst, you can definitely feel it's a bit of a 'I have nothing to do, nowhere to go', but you can also take it as a 'I guess I do have time to do anything.. and I guess I don't feel as bad as I used to or I wouldn't be here, having finished all my work.' etc!
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