Wherein IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-...D-D-D-D-D-D-DOSE OFF!

For those who are just tuning in, this is a story I wrote when ten years old. As a result, the writing is... bad. Hilariously bad. Let's read!

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Annotations in red. Annotations pertaining to something not visible in plain text are omitted from this transcription

Hot rod XII What is it about me and having two 12’s? First Pokémon Mystery Dungeon, now this. Or the other way around, if you go by creation date rather than publication date.
The final duel


The duel

Warning: This whole chapter will sound like total gibberish unless you know the rules of the magic card game. You don’t say.

I was immediately challenged to a game of magic cards. Why? He had a red deck and I had a killer And modest, too. black deck. He went first. He laid down a land and summoned Mon’s goblin raiders (1/1.) I laid down a land. He set down another land and attacked. I laid down another land. He laid down another land, summoned Balduvian Barbarians (3/2) and attacked. It was 17 to 20. I laid down a land and summoned Necrite (2/2.) he laid down another land and attacked and attacks. I block Balduvian raiders with Necrite and they both died. It was 16 to 20 but I had a killer strategy. It was my turn. I summoned Legions of Lim-Dûl (2/3). He laid down a land and summoned an Enslaved Scout. I summoned armor Thrull. He put down another land and used guerrilla tactics to damage me two life points. I put down a land, summoned Plague rats (*/* in which stars are equal to how many plague rats are on the field even if they’re not your plague rats), and attacked. He blocked armor Thrull with Mon’s Goblin Raiders (killing Mon’s goblin raiders) and Legions of Lim-dûl with enslaved scout (killing enslaved scout.) he had no creatures out. I had three. It was still 16 to 20. He summoned Barbarian guides (1/2). I put down a land, used touch of death (he loses one life and I gain 1 life), and attacked. He blocked plague rats with barbarian guides (killing plague rats) and had no more creatures to block with. It was 17 to 16. He set down a land and did nothing else. I could tell he had nothing but lands in his hand just by looking at his face. I attacked again. Blah blah blah… Even people who DO know about the game would have to look several of these cards up and find this very, very boring. On a side-note, I not only had all these cards, but was playing with actual decks against myself, writing the results down here. It was 17 to 13. He set down another land. I attacked. It was 17 to 0. Oops. He set down ANOTHER land and summoned kird ape (1/1). I summoned Initiates of the ebon hand (1/1) and attacked. He blocked Legions of Lim-dûl with Kird ape (or deceased ape.) It was 17 to 9. He put down another land and summoned Sabretooth tiger (2/1 and first strike.) He had no cards in his hand. I attacked. He blocked Initates of the ebon hand with Sabretooth tiger (killing Initates of the ebon hand). It was 17 to 6. He set down another land and attacked. It was 15 to 6. I casted paralyze on sabretooth tiger. Even though he could untap it with four mana it was only on his turn that this would work. I used grave servitude to make Legions of Lim-dûl a 5/1 creature and attacked. Zzz… He lost the game. And what he also lost was his life. What? Seriously, what? Were they fighting in some variant of the Shadow Realm? Could his little heart not take a loss at a card game and he died? Flatulence? WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE!? He fell over and died. “Finally” I said. I insured that he was dead by sticking my sword through his heart.