Wherein Hot rod forgets to pay the solar bill.

For those who are just tuning in, this is a story I wrote when ten years old. As a result, the writing is... bad. Hilariously bad. Let's read!

<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>

==========

Annotations in red. Annotations pertaining to something not visible in plain text are omitted from this transcription

Hot rod III
The evil wizard


Zero the no-brainer

It was rough getting to town but at lest [sic]. Actually, it’s quite interesting, how good my spelling and grammar was, at that age, even considering that I had the spelling and grammar checker to help me. I got to a new town. The walk there was pretty uneventful and boring. As soon as I arrived I wasn’t exactly pleased by the welcome I got. The first person I met had a hammer and tried to whack me with it. And the town guards just decided to stand around and watch the show, I guess. I ducked and gave him an uppercut. He fell to the ground. He tried to whack my feet. I jumped and just barely missed getting hit. I jumped to the ground and grabbed his hammer. He was able to get it away from me. I pulled out my knife and tried to stab him. He grabbed my hand and hit me. I kicked him in the nuts. Edgy. He let go of my hand for a second and ducked. Doubled up in pain, actually, but I do not think I knew of that phrase at the time, so… He grabbed my leg. He was an easy target. “Don’t move or the leg gets it.” He said in a maniac type way. I stabbed him in the head. I saw that his shirt said Zero. This guy has no plot relevance. Seriously. This guy was a one-shot villain and probably the least cool person to ever bear the name “Zero.” It was capitalized so it had to be a name. Or the brand name, or the name of a band he’s a fan of, or… I went on to the town thinking of what a dummy that guy was.


Who turned the sun off? Hey, it works from dawn to dusk every day, it ought have a break sometimes.

The town was peaceful. Apparently, first impressions aren’t everything, according to Hot rod. As soon as I arrived Aren’t you already there? a lot of fans ran up to me. The town didn’t realize that signing autographs wasn’t what I came here to do. Before I could sign anything everything got darker. It was getting darker and darker. There was a woman who yelled “look up!” and fainted. Gender stereotypes aside, why did nobody else think to look up before that? I, along with my 2 billion fans Don’t worry. I think past me was going for the exaggeration angle with this one. I think. looked up and found out something very strange.

The sun turned black. Much as I hate to make past-me look less creative (okay, I lied, I actually love poking fun at past me, in case you couldn’t tell), this idea did not exactly come out of nowhere. Given that this was the first track on the CD that I listened to constantly while writing this, it is no surprise to me that I went with this plot point. Interestingly enough, I was introduced to that song, via the music video, when I was around six or seven, and back then, I did not memorize the song title. Rather, I kept asking my big brother to play “The Smiley Song” for me again.

There was only one explanation. The evil were coming. Well, that or a solar eclipse, or something. I held on tightly to my knife as a missile of fire shot down from the sun. It hit the earth hard and when it hit it hit 3 young children and killed them. Edgy. A wizard came out from the fire and said “Who is the one named Hot rod?” Unless he heard about Hot rod on the radio or word-of-mouth or something and proceeded to do no further research, shouldn’t he already know what Hot rod looks like? …Wait, what does Hot rod look like? no one knew Except for his two billion fans who were all trying to get autographs, at least. until I blurted “Me! Who do you think?” That got him angry. He tried to blast me. Magic? Plasma cannon? Flatulence? What? I ducked and he missed. The evil wizard said “You might be worthy. Try to defeat me, Hot rod.” He threw down a sword with a blue blade and said “If you stay up for 2 minutes I shall leave this town alone.” He sent a huge blast at me and I just barely missed getting hit. 14 seconds. That long? Really? I tried to hit him and he ducked. 19 seconds. He sent a blast at me and I moved out of the way of the blast. 24 seconds. I started getting more defensive. He tried to mega punch me. Stronger punch? Imbued with elemental power? Flatulence? What? 31 seconds. I grab someone’s guitar and bash it over the wizard’s head. 39 seconds. El Kabong! Also, funny how a random guitar is apparently a more effective weapon in this fight than THE MOST POWERFUL SWORD IN THE MULTIVERSE! Like, seriously, that’s the story behind that sword. I mean, I could understand if Hot rod were using some random kid’s bug-catching net, but a guitar? I tried to slash him and he tried to blast me. I reflected the magic by swinging my sword. I was shocked that I did that. If you didn’t know you could block magic with your blade, why did you attempt to block the magic with your blade? 47 seconds. He tried to mega punch me again and missed. I had enough time to slash him. 58 seconds. I think this fight scene must be taking place near a shooting of Baywatch and it’s altering the flow of time. I tried to whack him in the head then when I missed I immediately tried the feet. I tripped him. I tried to stab him while he was on the ground. He rolled over and I missed. 76 seconds. I tried to stab him and missed. He had a look of fear on his face. Who could blame him? He only used magic. I could block magic. It’s almost like giving your mortal enemy a super-powerful weapon that can block your most powerful moves is a stupid idea or something. He decided to try another mega punch and hit me. I decided to play dead. Is it me, or is the villain way more honorable than the hero of this story? 105 seconds. He smiled. I quickly got up and slashed the wizard. He tried to kick me and missed. I said “Two words… time up!” More than two words: He must have a pretty good internal clock to know that. 121 seconds. He looked at me like he had just seen a ghost and said “Th… That’s impossible. Next time I won’t be so easy to beat.