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Wherein Hot rod figures out the secret ingredient to mashed potatoes.
For those who are just tuning in, this is a story I wrote when ten years old. As a result, the writing is... bad. Hilariously bad. Let's read!
<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
==========
Annotations in red. Annotations pertaining to something not visible in plain text are omitted from this transcription
Hot rod II Electric Boogaloo. Also, yes, we are now on “Book” two of the Hot Rod “series”. That is what I considered each of these to be: books. Despite all of these being in one document, originally. Such grows even stranger when you consider there actually IS an actual book two to all this. What would that be? A new volume?
The new hero
I must be some kind of nut
I'm a ten-year-old out to destroy some evil force because he heard some news from an old man who probably lost his mind years ago. Y’know, just in case you forgot what was stated a mere one chap… er, “book” ago. I thought I must’ve been crazy. I have the memory of a 100-year-old and the imagination of a 2-year-old. By the way the old man died right before he said his name. “Oh, by the way, I just saw someone die before my very eyes in a very suspense-convenient way, which should probably scar me for life. What’s for lunch? Is it cheeseburgers? I do hope it’s cheeseburgers!” I was searching for food when I said “I must be some kind of nut and speaking of nuts I would love some peanuts right now.”
How to kill a vampire
I didn’t find much food before night. I tried to go to sleep but failed. Was it insomnia? Interestingly, for much of while I was writing this, I was listening to a mix CD made by my brother, which included this song. Later on, it was mixed into a playlist with a bunch of songs by The Beatles. Perhaps, nowadays, I should have more activity-specific playlists. It actually has really helped while doing long bouts of homework, to have a specific “get energized for homework” music. I didn’t know what it was which worked out fine since I didn’t care anyway. Then why did you bring it up? Some thing was flying over my head. At first I thought it was just a bird, then I found out it was a bat charging towards me. I was quick to realize Pretty observant for a ten-year-old being charged at by some animal. Then again, what normal bats charge at people? Still, though… that this was no regular bat. It was a vampire bat. Y’know, bats in fiction seem to get a pretty raw deal. They are pretty much universally evil in almost every work of fiction, it seems. There is a good reason why I have not one but two bat roleplay characters, both of whom are good, noble individuals, even though one of them (though not by his own choice) has blood magic and is capable of drinking blood (though his favorite food is still strawberries). I mean, yeah, sure, bats are oft associated with vampires, but can you really vilify this? It was quick to change directions and I was embarrassed. Wha? Why? Something moved in the bushes and I said “Turn the volume down.” I think the part about the bat was a plot thread that I decided against and this part is what I decided on instead and I forgot to delete the remnants of the first idea. That is the only reason I can think of for why this abrupt shift took place and the part with the bat was so swiftly forgotten. The thing in the bushes jumped out. It was a man. His eyes were black and looked evil. “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their eyes but by the content of their dental work.” He tried to bite but I rolled over. He got a mouth full of dirt. Fun fact: According to TVTropes, a supposed way to stop a corpse from rising and becoming a vampire was to turn it face-down, to make it bite the ground rather than anything living. I said “watch it. I have a…” I was in a tricky situation. I had nothing to threaten him with. Just shout “I AM A MAN!” and punch it. I looked for a big stick and found a (great coincidence) very sharp stick. I had gained the courage (and the stupidity) to yell in his face “Stop it NOW!!!” Aren’t you supposed to talk softly, though? I yelled it so loud I’ll bet people in Australia could hear me. Y’know, assuming Australia exists in this dimension, somehow. I slapped him in the face Kiss me, you fool! so hard I’m surprised I didn’t slap his face off. Boy was he mad. He didn’t stop. Instead, he tried harder to bite me. I moved and this time he got a mouthful of tree. It feels as if some horrid pun is trying to jump right out at me, but I cannot quite think of it. It was then that I stabbed him with my stick. It went through his heart and killed him almost instantly. Yes, I imagine most things would die pretty quickly under such circumstances. He landed on his back with his mouth open revealing that his mouth wasn’t full of teeth. It had fangs.
Quick turnaround
I had just battled one of those blood-sucking (and tree-sucking) Hot vampire on tree action? …I’m afraid to look up whether porn of that already exists. If not, I am curious as to how soon it will be made after I post this. freaks without knowing it. I went to the library to research these things. I picked a book That’s not a book, that’s a post-it note. that read:
“No one defeated them until now.” I whispered. Someone asked me what I was talking about and I said “Nothing.”
That’s when I told MSL Which stands for “MicroSoft Letwork,” I guess. news about it. They flipped. They took pictures of the dead body, looked at its fangs, and took the body to the lab. People weren’t in a neat and orderly line to meet me. They were like animals that say “me first” and not much else. I’m pretty sure that qualifies them as honorary Pokémon, actually. I must’ve told the story about a thousand times. People were lining up to get my autograph. “People weren’t in a neat and orderly line to meet me,” huh? The whole town must’ve heard of me. This day changed the way I looked at fame. It should’ve been my secret.
By sunlight I was starting to lose my voice (and my mind). My hand felt like it was going to fall off. Not to mention I was tired. The great thing about this is that I got 250,000 ZEN!!! ctrl+b=Bold, ctrl+u=Underline, ctrl+i=Italic, capslock+ctrl+b+u+i=I must have been training for forum board posting. Also, when you think on it and compare this to the amount that stuff costs in this book, I think Hot rod got ripped off, here, given how momentous this achievement is. Mind, it’s an absurd amount to a child, but still… The first place I went, of course, was the all-you-can-eat buffet.
There’s a vampire in my mashed potatoes This just sums up this entire book quite nicely, does it not?
Their breakfast at the all-you-can-eat buffet was 1,000 zen. It wasn’t for me. They halved the price to 500 zen. Isn’t that about the sort of discount a buffet would tend to give for minors already? I was famous. I must’ve been more famous than anyone else in this fictional world. Either he thinks that being strange automatically makes it fictional or he is breaking the fourth wall. There were people staring, whispering “that’s him.” There were cameramen (some of which were showing off their autographed shirts, pants, and, the thing I didn’t understand, autographed glasses. How does that work? Disregarding the already-asked question, how does one write on glass in a way that will stay? Is it with paint or something? Don’t they have to see with those?) I went to the salads ingredients and made a salad. For the record, not exactly what I would do at an all-you-can-eat buffet. My modus operandi was more along the lines of “Eat the minimum required amount of non-dessert food and the maximum amount of dessert.” Nowadays, though, I… Okay, actually, not much has changed. I went to my seat and started eating. I heard some screams and looked behind me. I found out that a vampire just came out of the mashed potatoes. Good heavens, how large is that container of mashed potatoes? Or perhaps this is actually a very small vampire. Mashed Hammerspace, mayhaps? No, wait, inside the mashed potatoes is the miniature clown car he was hiding in! The mashed potatoes went bad. Everyone was staring at me to see what would happen. What I did was rush into the kitchen and out the kitchen window I came with a steak knife. I ran to the garlic potatoes, Why? I mean, the two actions make sense when not juxtaposed, but… then to the window (the curtains were closed.) he followed me to the window (big mistake) and I opened the curtains. The book was right. Sunlight does kill vampires. That, or he died of disappointment that behind the curtain was not A BRAND NEW CAAAAR! Also, why did nobody else think to do that? And guess what happened afterwards. $$$100,000 more zen!!!$$$ Though, not from the grateful citizens or some authority figure. The vampire was actually a piñata. Not to mention they threw the mashed potatoes away.
Sir Hot rod
I had 349,500 zen. I went to get a knife. Swords are too big. I got the sharpest knife in the store. Which they sold to a minor, no questions asked. Next, I needed a helmet. This guy named Jake said “hey dude, need a helmet?” Perhaps one made of tin foil would be prudent, all things considered.
I answered “you read me like a book.” He gave me the helmet. I wasn’t going to go near armor. Armor would just slow me down. Factual innacuracies: Armor is not as inhibiting to movement as one might think. Armor can protect a fair bit. Admittedly not absolutely, but certainly worth wearing. You could still buy a shield, y’know. You could always take the Power Rangers approach and armor yourself with glitter. I was ready. Only one thing would slow me down. I didn’t know where any vampires were. I decided to stay and protect the town. Then I decided to go places and protect people everywhere. Then I decided to take up interpretive dancing. Then I decided to go deep-sea diving for pre-weaved baskets.
For those who are just tuning in, this is a story I wrote when ten years old. As a result, the writing is... bad. Hilariously bad. Let's read!
<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
==========
Annotations in red. Annotations pertaining to something not visible in plain text are omitted from this transcription
Hot rod II Electric Boogaloo. Also, yes, we are now on “Book” two of the Hot Rod “series”. That is what I considered each of these to be: books. Despite all of these being in one document, originally. Such grows even stranger when you consider there actually IS an actual book two to all this. What would that be? A new volume?
The new hero
I must be some kind of nut
I'm a ten-year-old out to destroy some evil force because he heard some news from an old man who probably lost his mind years ago. Y’know, just in case you forgot what was stated a mere one chap… er, “book” ago. I thought I must’ve been crazy. I have the memory of a 100-year-old and the imagination of a 2-year-old. By the way the old man died right before he said his name. “Oh, by the way, I just saw someone die before my very eyes in a very suspense-convenient way, which should probably scar me for life. What’s for lunch? Is it cheeseburgers? I do hope it’s cheeseburgers!” I was searching for food when I said “I must be some kind of nut and speaking of nuts I would love some peanuts right now.”
How to kill a vampire
I didn’t find much food before night. I tried to go to sleep but failed. Was it insomnia? Interestingly, for much of while I was writing this, I was listening to a mix CD made by my brother, which included this song. Later on, it was mixed into a playlist with a bunch of songs by The Beatles. Perhaps, nowadays, I should have more activity-specific playlists. It actually has really helped while doing long bouts of homework, to have a specific “get energized for homework” music. I didn’t know what it was which worked out fine since I didn’t care anyway. Then why did you bring it up? Some thing was flying over my head. At first I thought it was just a bird, then I found out it was a bat charging towards me. I was quick to realize Pretty observant for a ten-year-old being charged at by some animal. Then again, what normal bats charge at people? Still, though… that this was no regular bat. It was a vampire bat. Y’know, bats in fiction seem to get a pretty raw deal. They are pretty much universally evil in almost every work of fiction, it seems. There is a good reason why I have not one but two bat roleplay characters, both of whom are good, noble individuals, even though one of them (though not by his own choice) has blood magic and is capable of drinking blood (though his favorite food is still strawberries). I mean, yeah, sure, bats are oft associated with vampires, but can you really vilify this? It was quick to change directions and I was embarrassed. Wha? Why? Something moved in the bushes and I said “Turn the volume down.” I think the part about the bat was a plot thread that I decided against and this part is what I decided on instead and I forgot to delete the remnants of the first idea. That is the only reason I can think of for why this abrupt shift took place and the part with the bat was so swiftly forgotten. The thing in the bushes jumped out. It was a man. His eyes were black and looked evil. “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their eyes but by the content of their dental work.” He tried to bite but I rolled over. He got a mouth full of dirt. Fun fact: According to TVTropes, a supposed way to stop a corpse from rising and becoming a vampire was to turn it face-down, to make it bite the ground rather than anything living. I said “watch it. I have a…” I was in a tricky situation. I had nothing to threaten him with. Just shout “I AM A MAN!” and punch it. I looked for a big stick and found a (great coincidence) very sharp stick. I had gained the courage (and the stupidity) to yell in his face “Stop it NOW!!!” Aren’t you supposed to talk softly, though? I yelled it so loud I’ll bet people in Australia could hear me. Y’know, assuming Australia exists in this dimension, somehow. I slapped him in the face Kiss me, you fool! so hard I’m surprised I didn’t slap his face off. Boy was he mad. He didn’t stop. Instead, he tried harder to bite me. I moved and this time he got a mouthful of tree. It feels as if some horrid pun is trying to jump right out at me, but I cannot quite think of it. It was then that I stabbed him with my stick. It went through his heart and killed him almost instantly. Yes, I imagine most things would die pretty quickly under such circumstances. He landed on his back with his mouth open revealing that his mouth wasn’t full of teeth. It had fangs.
Quick turnaround
I had just battled one of those blood-sucking (and tree-sucking) Hot vampire on tree action? …I’m afraid to look up whether porn of that already exists. If not, I am curious as to how soon it will be made after I post this. freaks without knowing it. I went to the library to research these things. I picked a book That’s not a book, that’s a post-it note. that read:
Vampires
Vampires were first found in Adther in March 2000. Vampires are creatures that suck the blood of the living. No one has been able to defeat these creatures.
You defeat a vampire by stabbing them in the heart or by sunlight. How do they know this if vampires have never been defeated? Did one of them tweet it? Electric lights won’t work on a vampire. These creatures are very evil You don’t say.“No one defeated them until now.” I whispered. Someone asked me what I was talking about and I said “Nothing.”
That’s when I told MSL Which stands for “MicroSoft Letwork,” I guess. news about it. They flipped. They took pictures of the dead body, looked at its fangs, and took the body to the lab. People weren’t in a neat and orderly line to meet me. They were like animals that say “me first” and not much else. I’m pretty sure that qualifies them as honorary Pokémon, actually. I must’ve told the story about a thousand times. People were lining up to get my autograph. “People weren’t in a neat and orderly line to meet me,” huh? The whole town must’ve heard of me. This day changed the way I looked at fame. It should’ve been my secret.
By sunlight I was starting to lose my voice (and my mind). My hand felt like it was going to fall off. Not to mention I was tired. The great thing about this is that I got 250,000 ZEN!!! ctrl+b=Bold, ctrl+u=Underline, ctrl+i=Italic, capslock+ctrl+b+u+i=I must have been training for forum board posting. Also, when you think on it and compare this to the amount that stuff costs in this book, I think Hot rod got ripped off, here, given how momentous this achievement is. Mind, it’s an absurd amount to a child, but still… The first place I went, of course, was the all-you-can-eat buffet.
There’s a vampire in my mashed potatoes This just sums up this entire book quite nicely, does it not?
Their breakfast at the all-you-can-eat buffet was 1,000 zen. It wasn’t for me. They halved the price to 500 zen. Isn’t that about the sort of discount a buffet would tend to give for minors already? I was famous. I must’ve been more famous than anyone else in this fictional world. Either he thinks that being strange automatically makes it fictional or he is breaking the fourth wall. There were people staring, whispering “that’s him.” There were cameramen (some of which were showing off their autographed shirts, pants, and, the thing I didn’t understand, autographed glasses. How does that work? Disregarding the already-asked question, how does one write on glass in a way that will stay? Is it with paint or something? Don’t they have to see with those?) I went to the salads ingredients and made a salad. For the record, not exactly what I would do at an all-you-can-eat buffet. My modus operandi was more along the lines of “Eat the minimum required amount of non-dessert food and the maximum amount of dessert.” Nowadays, though, I… Okay, actually, not much has changed. I went to my seat and started eating. I heard some screams and looked behind me. I found out that a vampire just came out of the mashed potatoes. Good heavens, how large is that container of mashed potatoes? Or perhaps this is actually a very small vampire. Mashed Hammerspace, mayhaps? No, wait, inside the mashed potatoes is the miniature clown car he was hiding in! The mashed potatoes went bad. Everyone was staring at me to see what would happen. What I did was rush into the kitchen and out the kitchen window I came with a steak knife. I ran to the garlic potatoes, Why? I mean, the two actions make sense when not juxtaposed, but… then to the window (the curtains were closed.) he followed me to the window (big mistake) and I opened the curtains. The book was right. Sunlight does kill vampires. That, or he died of disappointment that behind the curtain was not A BRAND NEW CAAAAR! Also, why did nobody else think to do that? And guess what happened afterwards. $$$100,000 more zen!!!$$$ Though, not from the grateful citizens or some authority figure. The vampire was actually a piñata. Not to mention they threw the mashed potatoes away.
Sir Hot rod
I had 349,500 zen. I went to get a knife. Swords are too big. I got the sharpest knife in the store. Which they sold to a minor, no questions asked. Next, I needed a helmet. This guy named Jake said “hey dude, need a helmet?” Perhaps one made of tin foil would be prudent, all things considered.
I answered “you read me like a book.” He gave me the helmet. I wasn’t going to go near armor. Armor would just slow me down. Factual innacuracies: Armor is not as inhibiting to movement as one might think. Armor can protect a fair bit. Admittedly not absolutely, but certainly worth wearing. You could still buy a shield, y’know. You could always take the Power Rangers approach and armor yourself with glitter. I was ready. Only one thing would slow me down. I didn’t know where any vampires were. I decided to stay and protect the town. Then I decided to go places and protect people everywhere. Then I decided to take up interpretive dancing. Then I decided to go deep-sea diving for pre-weaved baskets.
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 27.6 kB
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