Something I decided to speed-paint, from an early sketch of mine. The sketch came from my experience at school, that I am becoming less and less here, a person in the world, breaking apart and fading away. You'd think that college would have just the opposite effect, you're supposed to be discovering who you are and diving into what you are passionate about, but as I go, I'm finding less and less, almost nothing seems important anymore, and I know it hurts, but I really don't feel it any more. It's not easy to explain, the best I can come up with is to compare it to what war does to people; at a certain point you've just been through so much that you stop feeling anything to keep your sanity, it's never a choice. The worst part is that I'm aware of my numbness, I know it's why I'm doing so poorly in university, I know it only makes it worse to be alone like this, I know the only reason I haven't ground to a halt yet is music, playing guitar, drawing, fear of disappointing my family, and the painfully few moments of rest I get from this machine of an education system. I fear to think what would happen if these anchors stop being enough, would I become one of those lonely people you see wandering out on the street with vacant eyes, their faces utterly devoid of any joy or excitement? I don't know, The only thing I do know is that I would go on living, there is no force on earth nor reason thought that could justify taking ones own life, and I guess I should take some solace in that I still believe this.

Anyway, I'm sorry this is all so dark, but need to say it. The link below is to the speed-paint video, hope you enjoy it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNdR4a8cTDU