Every now and then I sleep alone and afraid. Nightmares chase me across an open landscape I cannot forget even as my eyes open. I awake in pain, sick and in darkness. I stand in front of a mirror looking into the glass and the reflection is pale. The eyes which stare back are that of a stranger whose understandings are no closer to resolve than they have since it's conception. I do not have many friends, not many to speak to. I am afraid of conversation, I fear touch and connection. As I sit there I can feel the vertigo, the spinning of the room as I get more light headed in the light. I'm cold in so many ways, more than I want to be and oh how I want to change. I feel so sick and weak every day. As I stare into the mirror I wonder if it will be like this every day. I smile back because life is good. Life is good.

Down here where the doors are being locked and the children are laughing, where the one who bites will not let any one else in. There are problems so severe I cannot begin to delve into it. I fear it. They fear it too.