This is just me putting out thoughts on digital paper so to speak just so that I can get them out of my head for a bit so feel free to disregard if you want.

I've been starting to feel weirdly isolated from this community again, specifically the babyfur part. I don't know why, I'm doing okay mentally so it's not me isolating because of that. I guess it could be just because I don't really have a lot of friends in the community and the ones I do know I haven't talked with for a while and I always feel kinda bad trying to contact those people again because it always feels like they will have moved on and cut their losses when it comes to me. Trying to make new friends is also difficult, I just sorta never talk to people, I feel like I'll be bothering them. I love this community and wish I could be more active in it but it feels really hard sometimes. Even just doing something as simple as commenting on art or showing support in other ways feels bad to me sometimes. almost like if I comment or favorite stuff my brain tells me that it's unwanted and the person who's art or story I'm interacting with will be somewhere in the world going "oh no not this fucking person". On a logical level though I know that scenario is unlikely even if mostly just due to my one comment or like being drowned out in a sea of other comments and likes.

My brain absolutely works in a weird weird way and you'd think after living with it for 30 years that I would have figured out how it works and how to deal with the thoughts that it sometimes forces to the foreground but I've yet to find an effective way to deal with any of that. But I guess that's just kinda life after all.

This turned into a bit of a weird journal entry but like stated at the beginning I just needed to force these thoughts out of my head in one way or another.