Another semi long update journal, but this one hits a bit hard...

Also, as fair warning, some parts in this journal will get a bit uncomfortable and real-life body part talk...

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First things first...as much as I tried to keep my job, be a respectable member to society, work and earn my keep, and managed to keep my job for almost three years...it came to an end, the day after my birthday last month...(October 10)

October 11...I had a mental breakdown...had to work a half double on my birthday, no one cared, I was beyond exhausted, my request for time off denied, and management had been pressuring me to either step up my slow work pace or face termination...and living in an 'at will' employment state, where you can be fired for any given reason...I don't know what really made me do it, but I just could not go on any more...so, they brought me into the HR office, and grabbed the resignation papers for me, and I signed...

The very next day...wake up to a very sharp pain in the right of my back...vomiting, unbearable pain...had to drive myself to ER, and after about three hours of waiting to be seen and dry heaving due to pain and already losing whatever was in my stomach, they hook me up to IV and get me into ultrasound...two very girthy kidney stones, one of which lodged in my kidney tube...double the size of stones deemed safe enough to force out and pass, so I had to be scheduled for an ureteroscopy...

I was extremely high on Hydroco-APAP (I think it's called), and for several days basically living on pain medicine, brain-fog, and trying to not burst from the blocking stone...

Doctor explained they would need to shove a laser tube up my urethra, drill the stone to smaller parts to help it pass, and put a stent in there to keep my tubes from swelling shut post op...

Surgery was scary as hell...but, it was a success, for the most part...(A nurse not knowing what she was doing tried to shove a catheter up in there post surgery when I had no fluid to even let out, that didn't help my post op recovery time...)

For the past month, I've been basically living on pain medicine, slowly lowering the dose and trying to cut it out altogether, and recently got the stent removed, and trying to work myself back up to strength...They said normal cases I should be back up and at it within days of stent removal, but mine was a more complicated case and they said it could be a month or two before I'm out of the woods...and due to my case and the amount of hydroco they gave me, I'm bound to have side effects of withdrawal, so my brain and body both have been feeling extremely gross from said withdrawal symptoms...

On the one hand...I'm out of a job, and don't need to worry how long the recovery will take...but also, I'm deathly afraid now that I got no employment and have both a hospital bill to chip away with a payment plan (insurance only covering the usual 80%, so it's thousands still on my terms to pay...) and the fact that I have no income because I lost my job...

I'm not in any danger financially at the moment, at least...managed to save up a little bit, but it's not enough to really live on for long...

I'm going to try to start getting back to using FA regularly now, and maybe work my arms back into drawing condition so I can hopefully try commission work again to help me during recovery and looking for my next job once I'm back to 100%...Can't say for sure when I'll be comfortable enough to start commission work again, but I'll try to at least get things set back up to post older unposted art, and try to get back into being more social...job kind of ruined me and made me a shut in and now I got crippling social anxiety...