The girl I love is moving and I'm never going to see her again, she told me this Sunday.. we've been fighting because I'm upset about her going and we just had the worse fight we've ever had.. this what it was, word for word
Me: Hey, why were you not at school today?
Her: Didn't feel like it.
Me: Oh.. I missed you. Will you be there tomorrow?
Her: Maybe.
Me: Please come..
Her: Maybe. Chill.
Me: I'm not even freaking out.
Her: Whatever. I'm, tired, gonna take a nap. Later.
Me: :C I'm sorry if I want to actually spend time with you before you leave and I never see you again. Why are you acting like you want me dead?
Her: I'm not acting like I want you dead. I'm acting like I'm goddamn tired and want a nap.
Me: Not just now, you seem like I'm nothing but a annoying dumb ass that you want gone, and its not exactly the best feeling in the world. I just don't want you to hate me.
Her: I don't hate you. I just don't like when you flip over everything I do, cry because I have female friends and act like you're going to die just because I'm moving away. You're really clingy. More clingy than I am and that's a stretch. You need to calm down and not suspect things. I love you.
Me: You don't understand how badly I'll miss you, I'm never going to see you again, hug you, kiss you... It's going to ruin my life and I know it. I don't freak over your friends, it's just you seemed to like her alot, more than me. I'm clingy because I don't want to loose you again. I try to calm down but I cant because of everything jumbled up in my head. Its not my fault I suspect things, I wouldn't if other people like Dante, Brain, Luis, ect.. didn't point them out first. I was glad and had no worries about you moving, sure we would last, till others said things, okay? I'm sorry.
Her: You think I don't understand? Fuck. You may obsess over every facet of my life, but you sure as hell don't pay attention. I know what it's like to be so in love with someone it's painful, to have them be the only thing you love, and have it all ripped away from you in one fiery moment. I know what it's like, Samantha.
Me: Please, bringing that whore into this is only going to make me feel worse and break my heart more than it already is.
Her: Don't even fucking try that "you don't understand" bullshit.
Me: </3 My everything is being ripped away from me all over again, why can't I just be good enough for you not to constantly be annoyed by me or mad at me..
Her: Ironic, isn't it, that you're the only person I can't talk about whats on my mind.
Me: I'm sorry if I don't want to hear about how much you loved her or how much you do love her still or whatever, it hurts okay, to know that I'm never going to have you love me as much as her and I cant stop thinking about it, it torments me and tears me apart. You can talk to me even though it hurts to hear it.
Her: Just let me sleep.
Me: Okay, please text me once you wake up.. We need to talk about this, I cant keep living every day tormented by the past. I love you..
She's so called napping still and I know she wont text me once she wakes.. :'C I know she's just going to keep on skipping school and if she goes, shes going to ignore me. I know she wont miss me, I'm positive I'm going to be the person she misses least, she doesn't love me anymore and I can feel it, along with the pain of my hear being ripped, ever so slowly, ever so painfully. I know this fight will end with a break up unless there's some sort of miracle, and I very highly doubt there will be. I spent from the beginning of second hour to the very end of third crying my eyes out because I already felt as if she hated me from yesterday and she was gone and I missed her that much, I realized how badly her moving will hurt me, the only reason I stopped crying is because I cried myself dry. I cried once I got home because of this fight and I know my life is over, collapsing over me and violent hatred directed at myself is drowning me were I still breathe, With every rasp for breath pain runs through my veins, strong and fierce as the most powerful lion. I'm sinking down in hurt and fear of loosing everything I love. This is already effecting me at school, I keep breaking down in tears and the counselor keeps suggesting I go home, but I refuse. I'm basically the best in CA and now I'm so upset and worried that I can't think and I can't even get the simplest questions rite. I love CA and I alwase look forward to it and now I just don't care and just want it to be over, for everything to be over. I miss the times Daina looked at me with love and affection, not annoyance and hostility. I miss it when she would hold my hand for long periods of time before class, looking sweetly into my eyes, but now she barley even says goodbye. I miss it when she would say she loved me any chance she got, not just half halfheartedly mumble the words after I say it. I miss the sweet times... I want the love back.. I don't want us to be falling apart anymore! I want everything to be okay, to be the cute couple we used to be not the crumbling mess we are now, and its all my fault! Oh God, I ruined everything! Why did I need so much reassurance? Why am I so stupid... How could I ruin everything I love... I just want everything to back how it was.. :'C