Hello world. Or, specifically, hello FurAffinity.

I'm not a native to this website, nor would I have discovered it were it not for the intervention of a close friend of mine, who does frequent it often. No prizes for figuring out who it is.

She directed me to this website because she said it would be an excellent place for me to practice my craft. Now, I don't draw pictures or color lines--and when I do the work is shoddy and likely outsourced to some half-starved Chinese children--but rather, I am a writer. I dip my quill into the inkwell of my imagination, and with pulpy ink I craft new, exciting worlds.

She said I could commission my talents on this site. She believes I'm that good at it. I suppose that's for you to judge, however.

Now, I don't know what brings you here. I would know nothing of the sort of drunken stupor you had to be in to stagger into this unexplored corner of the website, but while you're here, perhaps I could tempt you with an offer. See, while the ultimate goal is to sell my work, I understand very well that it would be audacious for me, an untested, unknown writer, to ask for money in exchange for my labor. When I've established my talents and my work speaks of my aptitude, then it will be appropriate, but now is not that time.

So, here is my offer to you: whoever manages to read this and is interested in procuring my services can request a short story from me, absolutely free. For anything your withered, deformed husk of a heart desires--and I will cater to your demands as if they were the words of my god itself. All I ask in return is that you advertise my work by posting it publicly, preferably while raving about how talented I am and how big my penis is.

If you can agree to those simple terms, my pen is yours. Otherwise sod off.

Have a lovely day.