… today marks my dog’s death anniversary again… and I have no idea how to feel about it, but somehow, it stirs up all these emotions again in such an overwhelming way.

Over the past year especially, I’ve learned that one actually should approach such days more sorts of... "positively"… remembering the beautiful moments spent together, cherishing the good times and so on… so on…
– but… at the same time, it just feels so uuunbelieeevably painful… and yeah “overwhelming” …

She was by my side for 15 years… through my childhood, my teenage years, and into adulthood – basically through all the essential, formative stages of my life – and it still feels like I’ve lost a vital part of my soul… a grievous lingering wound… sorts of… idk 😕

Even though not everything has been bad, for me, it feels like after that day, sooooo much turned for the worse… but whatever… those are all things I don’t want to get into detail about now… way… way too painful… and also things I don´t wanna dig open again, as it also wouldn’t be worth it.

All in all – I wouldn’t say I’m down in particular… just… well… one significant source where I drew my energy from and which I considered a safe place – she seriously was like a sister for me – is gone and has been missing ever since that day… and yeah… I notice and feel it every day and haven’t fully recovered yet… or maybe I have, partly… it’s just not the same…

exhales deeply…

The last few times this day came around, I always felt like I had to do something… I don’t know, something special… something that would do justice to everything she gave me… I don’t know if that makes sense, but yeah…

Emotionally, I haven’t found “something like that” yet… I really like that Japanese tradition of releasing lanterns into the sky, but that’s kind of difficult where I live…
Anyway… if anyone has an idea… no clue… I might would eager to hear it… thanks for listening.