7 months huh. Been a hot minute.

I'm still alive. Emotionally I've been somewhat stable the last 4ish weeks, doc put me on new meds for both depression/mood and migraine prevention.
Still suffering from the odd nightmare about mom and its been a year now, but I've been able to...cope better with the grief, though I still have my moments where the reality her being gone just crushes me. I suppose it will be like that for a while yet. Healing has been a process that I honestly was not─and still ain't ready for. I know that a lot of how I feel has culminated into one mass that I am still sorting out. Feelings of wanting her back, being thankful she's not suffering, feeling anger over things that she said that I wont ever get resolution for, guilt for how I felt and reacted the last night she was alive and resentment over being left to pick up a huge mess that she left behind due to her slight hoarding tendencies─then add in the 5 deaths following hers... it became a lot to bare. Almost too much.

But I'm alive. The grief and depression didn't kill me, even if I felt like it would.

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I still have no idea if─or when I will return to this account in full. A lot of memories─both good and bad─that I'm just not ready to return to yet.
I have been hunkering down on a fresh account, but still not ready to reveal it yet as I'm still trying to figure things out and rediscover who I am.
I thank everyone who've been patient and I thank my partners for being there for me.

That's it from me for now. Stay safe everyone ♥