ehm----


Hello owo;;;;
I'm so sorry for dropping off of the face of the earth for so very long, it really shouldn't have happened and I'm terribly ashamed that it did.
TL;DR of what happened is that I moved out of my parental home in the Netherlands and moved in with my partner Kuwater. I was only meant to be here for about 3 months to work abroad and try and get over my depression. As I am typing this journal, I am still in the UK, one year and two months later. It has been good to me, but also kind of terrifying, with Brexit happening and just a lot of new impressions. I've already got a new job instead of the original one and I'm moving up the ladder in my current FULL-TIME job. it's very hard work, but I am enjoying it a great deal. And with this job and the money it brings, it gives me something I could only have dreamed of when I was younger. I can now afford to go to Furry meets, cons and I have bought my first fursuit.

All in all, life is great! I'm less depressed, always with the love of my life and I get to do things I enjoy.
But in the artsy aspect, it's all going down hill. I've become very insecure in my art, so much that I am considering to quit all together. This self-confidence issue mixed with heavy feelings of guilt and self-loathing kept me away from Furaffinity and other social media. I felt like I let everyone down, and nobody really cared. I know that's not entirely true, but my mind likes to poison me. It stressed me out to think about the art I had to do and it then made me more depressed knowing what a coward I am. Because of this I lost my sense of pride in my art and even worse, I didn't enjoy it anymore. Drawing became a boring chore, something that stressed me out so terribly that I would break down in tears every time I put pen to tablet or paper. Kuwater even noticed my mood significantly dropping whenever I tried to draw. So lovely as they are, Kuwater has agreed to help me catch up on overdue art and commissions. They are honestly an angel and I couldn't imagine my life without them. Well, I don't have to, I wouldn't even have a life probably.

I will upload some art I've done in the past year, and I'll try to keep everyone up to date. I might even get enough confidence to open up trades/commissions again at some point.

but first I want to find myself again. I want to have fun again doing art. If you want to stick around and help, I would appreciate it so much.

And thank you all for sticking with me for so long.
I'm sorry for disappearing and I hope this shed some light on the situation. Thank you!

~Keib