2025 has sucked ass.

Aside from getting my top surgery in February this year has been terrible. I was lied to and fired from my job of nearly ten years. It was only a couple hours a month unless I got some extra days but it was SOMETHING. Since they lied to me I can’t really trust them as a job reference so thats 10 years of work experience just rendered next to useless. I thought I had another job lined up for the spring but that never came to pass. I’ve applied to like 10 different jobs and heard back from almost none of them (even Walmart??? Applied twice and heard nothing). There’s so few jobs that meet my needs around my area. I don’t think I can stand getting a city job and driving an hour each way unless it’s something super specific. On top of that my state has introduced a minimum income requirement for keeping state health insurance so if I don’t find something I’ll lose my insurance. Which with my new autoimmune condition is not something I can afford. Can’t make to little but also can’t make to much or I also lose my insurance so that further limits my job opportunities. I don’t know what my parents are gonna do my dad can’t do much for work but needs meds. Oh and their basement walls are collapsing so that’s another thing to worry about but neither them nor I can afford to fix.
I’m not gonna lie I don’t think a day went by in December where I didn’t debate just giving up on art. At the start of figuring out my autoimmune issues one of the worst symptoms was bad bloating, to the point I had trouble sleeping (more trouble then normal) I was so uncomfortable, it turned me off from inflation stuff so bad. Add stopping my testosterone since it was liver issues and my sex drive has dropped significantly. I’ve barely drawn anything since September. I WANT to draw but just end up stuck.
Can you believe I once thought I could make a living off my art? Lmao. I miss the time I thought I’d be a fursuit maker.
I was so hopeful at this point last year I can’t believe I was stupid enough to get my hopes up.
I’m rapidly approaching 30 and I have no goals or future. Even if I could get some sort of extra schooling to help I have no clue what I’d go for. I can do a lot of things but nothing to a ‘professional’ degree. Demoralized doesn’t even begin to cover how I’ve been feeling. I really don’t know what to do.

I debated posting this or not since it’s just me whining but I’ve been quiet for a while so it’s an update I guess. I’m alive but very tired. I don’t think I accomplished a single goal I wanted to this year. I wasn’t able to go to many of the events I hoped to, either due to funds or illness. I’m just…. So tired of the current state of things.

I am not making the mistake of being hopeful for 2026. I’m expecting the same or worse.