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Eternia's Greatest Disppointment | Registered: March 14, 2021 03:06:17 PM
Avatar by Xin Jin Meng
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Featured Journal
Another anecdote where I eat a guy at the end (G)
4 weeks ago
The other day I was waddling around the park as is my wont when I decided to give my custom to the ice cream stall. I had been there on several days previous and I wished to ask the proprietor again if he had any grapes. However, that question was swiftly forgotten when I laid my beady, oozing eyes upon his stall. There was a strange contraption on the roof now, and it seemed to be overflowing with ice cream. After a moment of study left me no closer to comprehension, I asked the proprietor what the bizarre whirligig was for.
"It's a renewable ice cream machine," said he. "It makes ice cream right out of the air, automatically."
"What a marvel," I replied. "Out of the air, you say?"
"Yes indeed, nothing but wind and sunlight and it makes ice cream forever. Practically maintenance free."
"That's wonderful. Miraculous! Now everyone can have all the free ice cream they want," I said, just before noticing that his prices were actually higher than the day before.
"That's what I thought too," said he. "I though it was the end of my business. But then I realized that I could just, you know, keep charging people for it."
I furrowed my brow.
"You mean to tell me," I said, "That you intend to sit here collecting money for an unlimited resource which you are absolutely superfluous in the creation of?"
"Yep!" He said proudly. "As it turns out, business is better than ever! Now all the money I get is pure profit and I don't have to do anything at all!"
I squinted my eyes.
"It sounds like your presence is no longer necessary."
"Oh but it is. I have to make sure nobody else ever learns how to make the machine," he replied, waggling a baseball bat he had hidden under the counter.
"Sir," I said, "You have solved the problem of want for ice cream altogether, which would have been a great service to humanity if you had stopped there."
"I've done something way better than that. I've created the perfect business!" he beamed.
"Yes, I suppose you did, logically..." I said. "But why shouldn't everyone just... Have ice cream now? Isn't that enough?"
"I hate ice cream," said he.
I stared in silence, for a while.
"I can solve another problem for humanity," I said to him. "Want to see?"
"It's a renewable ice cream machine," said he. "It makes ice cream right out of the air, automatically."
"What a marvel," I replied. "Out of the air, you say?"
"Yes indeed, nothing but wind and sunlight and it makes ice cream forever. Practically maintenance free."
"That's wonderful. Miraculous! Now everyone can have all the free ice cream they want," I said, just before noticing that his prices were actually higher than the day before.
"That's what I thought too," said he. "I though it was the end of my business. But then I realized that I could just, you know, keep charging people for it."
I furrowed my brow.
"You mean to tell me," I said, "That you intend to sit here collecting money for an unlimited resource which you are absolutely superfluous in the creation of?"
"Yep!" He said proudly. "As it turns out, business is better than ever! Now all the money I get is pure profit and I don't have to do anything at all!"
I squinted my eyes.
"It sounds like your presence is no longer necessary."
"Oh but it is. I have to make sure nobody else ever learns how to make the machine," he replied, waggling a baseball bat he had hidden under the counter.
"Sir," I said, "You have solved the problem of want for ice cream altogether, which would have been a great service to humanity if you had stopped there."
"I've done something way better than that. I've created the perfect business!" he beamed.
"Yes, I suppose you did, logically..." I said. "But why shouldn't everyone just... Have ice cream now? Isn't that enough?"
"I hate ice cream," said he.
I stared in silence, for a while.
"I can solve another problem for humanity," I said to him. "Want to see?"
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If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
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I have made an Image, based on your "Antarctic Antics" Comics
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