To my love, Loona. I love you more than I could ever imagine. When I first saw you, I knew you were the one for me. I never stopped thinking about you; you never escaped my thoughts. You are an angel in a world of demons, a saint in a world of sinners, love in a world of hate, and hope in a world of despair. Your beautiful face is work of art, your red eyes are magnificent pools of crimson beauty, your hair is luscious and ever flowing, your voice is soothing and tender, and your personality? Strong, loyal, unflinching, caring, sensitive, and full of life.
And while you rarely cracked a smile, when you did, it was magical. You are the love I needed most in this world, the second chance I so desired, the call I waited on my whole life, the redemption I longed for, and reason to keep going when everything else is falling apart. No one else on the face of the earth compares to you. My Loona, I will always love you until the end of time. That is a promise.

You can do all the right things, support the right groups, and support the person in their times of struggle…

…and after all that, they will always say it’s not good enough. Emotional manipulation type shit.

Don’t fuck with my feelings just because you’re unsure about your own

My aunt passed away today. She was almost 93 years old, she lived a long life. I loved her so much and she loved us so much. I don't know what to say...

So, a bit of an announcement. I have decided that I am going to change my username on DA, I can't do it here because for some odd reason, there's no feature to do so. And I'm not about to start a new account on here because I don't want to lose all my favorites on my current one. For here on out, I will be going as Mephisto96. I know I will probably never get to put it on here, but I plan on doing it on any other website I still use. Thanks for reading, and have a good rest of your day. :)

I've been trying to figure out how to do this for a while now. I've thought about this for some time, but I wasn't sure about how I was going to write this down. I've been apprehensive, anxious and unsure about how I even come out with this. So I guess I'll just say it... I'm bisexual. I'm attracted to both sexes. I'm sure you might have suspected that I was probably bi since I have a folder called "Hunky Guys" on DA which is filled with good looking male anthros. I have an appreciation for the male form as I do the female form. Both sexes have beautiful bodies. I just hope you all are okay with this. This is kind of confusing for me. I mean, a lot of gay and bisexual men like anal, but I don't really like anal. I'm very hypersensitive, I don't even like it when I get my teeth cleaned at the dentist. I'm a little nervous posting this, because I don't know how people are going to react. Hopefully you all will be okay with that. So to recap, I'm bi.

‪For those of you who are following me, I want to say thank you. It’s really nice to know that you all still care about me.‬

This year has been a rocky year for me. Throughout 2018, I have had numerous bouts of depression, some due to politics, and some due to issues that are too personal for me to discuss. I have also had problems going to sleep at times, so much so that I had to start taking different medication. I even got sick three times this year, it was absolutely brutal for me. So for the new year, I want to try and focus on more positive things, stay away from any bad news that makes me sad, and quit tweeting about anything political. I know I can't always be happy, but being sad all the time can't be good for me. I know I can do this if I just try.

As human beings, we are not born perfect. We will occasionally screw up from time to time. But the most important things about making mistakes is owning up to them. Why? Because it's a sign that you're sorry for your faults and want to become a better person as a result. Learning from your past mistakes is one of the oldest lessons you will ever learn but it's an important one nonetheless. If you don't learn from your mistakes, you will never improve. Which is why you should always learn from your mistakes, even if they happened a long time ago, you should still learn. And don't deny your past mistakes, because doing that shows you still haven't learned. Be honest, be truthful, be mature. When somebody says, "Hey, didn't you used to do something like that a long time ago?" Just say, "Yeah, I did. It was a stupid of me to do that, and I've learned from my past actions." If you've hurt someone in the past, you should find a way to apologize to that person, acknowledging what you did was wrong, and assuring that person you will never do something like that again. It's not easy, but it's very possible. I know I've made some mistakes in my life, but I also know that I've become a better person by learning from them and trying to be a better person as a result.

My dad is away on a business trip. Normally this wouldn't bother me except my dad lost his phone and now we can't call him. I can't even share stuff with him on Facebook. I hope he'll be back soon, I already miss him. :'(

The Washington Capitals have won the Stanley Cup.

You know, I was originally sore when the Caps beat the Lightning. I wanted the Caps to lose so much. But considering how badly the Bolts played in the Conference Finals, I think it's fair to say Washington deserved to win.

So good job, Capitals. You guys earned your victory. Savor it, enjoy it, wear it with pride. It's yours. #ALLCAPS

Stephen Hawking is dead at 76. A damn shame. I really learned a lot from him.

I honestly don’t feel happy right now. I don’t think I’ve ever felt happy in a long time, and I don’t think I’ll ever feel happy again. I know that might shock some of you, but it’s true. I can’t feel happiness anymore, all I can feel is constant pity, sadness, pessimism, and total disillusionment.



I’ve pretty much said all I could about the current state of my country in my last journal, but as time goes on, I’m getting more and more fed up with my country as it continuously screws up in so many unimaginable ways. It’s really depressing to have to live in a country where my healthcare and internet service could be hampered or even removed in a matter of days, where our infrastructure is an absolute joke, where every year there’s another mass shooting and no progress is made on how to stop it, where both political parties are just as bad as the others— one is a party full of racist, homophobic bigots who push for war, deprive people of healthcare, cut taxes for the rich, decrease the minimum wage, deprive abortions for women, nominated the fucking Cheeto, etc. etc., and the other who is the lesser of two evils but are filled to the brim with so many establishment sellouts who aren’t even for single-payer healthcare.


This is the country I live in, and I want to leave this place as soon as fucking possible. I hate it here. I want to live somewhere else, but I can’t do that. Not without a job at least, and I probably won’t even know how to speak the language. And what if they don’t even want me there? What if they associate me with the Trump supporters? What they say I’m not even welcome in their country and tell me to go back to where I came from? These are real possibilities, people. And even if none of that were true, my parents would never even let me leave. They would just call me a traitor for even considering leaving America, and if my mother wouldn’t do it, my father certainly would, cause he’s a total conservative. Both my parents are conservative, which they are unwilling to change their opinion no matter how wrong they are. But I digress.


My personal life isn’t any better either. Even though I have a decent job, I don’t feel like I make a decent living. Not without a college degree. Although I have taken a couple of college classes, I don’t feel like I’m learning anything important, and I don’t even know what profession I want to go for. Most people my age have an idea on what they want to be when they enter college, I don’t. I have no idea what I want to be. I still live with my parents, and I want to move out, but I can’t earn enough to do that. I haven’t even purchased most of the stuff I own, my parents have done that. I’m so financially dependent on my parents that I can’t even make big purchases without them giving me a hand. I have zero real life friends since I’m so socially awkward that it’s fucking difficult for me to even talk to anyone. I don’t even have a girlfriend, that’s how socially challenged I am. It’s so hard for me to find a girl who interested in the same things I am, and I can’t even imagine holding a relationship down once I do actually find someone. But that’ll probably never even happen since I’m such a fucking loser. Did I mention I’m still a virgin? Yes, I’m 21 years old and I haven’t even lost my virginity. I know almost everything I need to know about sex, and I’m completely sexless. There’s a real possibility that I might die a virgin. I mean think about it, a guy who looks at porn all the time isn’t likely to get laid anytime soon.

People are going to tell me that losing my virginity is overrated and that I should just focus on romance, but it isn’t exactly easy to focus on romance when you live in a society that practically glorifies the fuck out of sex. Honestly, the chances of me getting laid are as good as America adapting to the metric system. No girl is ever going to want to have sex with some loser who listens to metal, lives with his parents and has a three-and-a-half inch cock.


That’s pretty much all I have to say about my current situation. I don’t feel happy with my life right now, because this life is horrible. I wish I had different life where things were actually good, but that’s not going to happen. I don’t want to go to my parents for help because they’ll just say that I should think about all the good things in my life and the things I love to do. Never mind the fact that the only reason I do things I love to do is to keep my mind of the problems of the world and my own sadness. I don’t even want to turn to my parents for help, so I just tell them that I’m happy to keep them from interfering. Professional help won’t work either since they’ll just tell me the exact same thing. I can’t kill myself because suicide won’t solve anything, so I’m pretty forced to live in this fucked up reality wondering if it will get any better…


…or perhaps it won’t.

Malcom Young, founder of AC/DC, has passed away. He was 64 years old.

This is a sad day for rock and roll. :(

Honestly, every time a mass shooting happens in this country, I just get so angry. And there's nothing we can do to stop it. These things will keep happening whether we want them to or not.

Honestly, I'm so ready to get out of this hellhole we call the United States of America. Problem is, I can't leave. I lack the money and resources to move somewhere else. And I don't have a clue how to live in another country. Canada maybe, but Canada's cold. So I'm pretty much stuck here. *sigh*

So there's been a terrorist attack in New York City, and seven people are reported to be dead.

Why are so many people killing each other over the stupidest things? God, this world sucks...

I keep seeing these tweets saying that people miss the former presidents, including George W. Bush of all people. O_O What?!

Okay, I understand that because the Cheeto is currently in office, you start to miss the former president (Barack Obama), that’s fine. He was an okay president IMO. But why on earth would you say you miss Bush? Do you idiots not remember what happened during his presidency? If you don’t, I’ll be happy to remind you:

We went to war with a country that did not attack us at all, we were forced to deal with the effects of the Patriot Act, and due to the tax cuts enacted by Bush, the rich became even richer and that lead to the national catastrophe known as the Great Recession which is still going on to this day.

Just because our current “president” has done his fair share of horrific actions doesn’t mean that the horrific actions of a former president are automatically good by comparison.

I know I was only a child during Bush’s eight years in office, but I don’t think that means I can’t call him a bad president. I don’t need to grow up in the Bush years to know that he sucked at his job in the same way that I don’t need to grow up in the ‘60s to know that Kennedy was assassinated.

If Justin Bieber really is a fan of Metallica, I just hope that the band’s response to that would be the same response that Maynard James Keenan said when someone told him that Fred Durst was a fan of Tool.

”If the lunch-lady in high school hits on you, you appreciate the compliment, but you're not really gonna start dating the lunch-lady, are ya?”

Just sayin’, not judgin’.

Furries, Bronies, metalheads, nerds, goths, punks, Star Wars fans, Trekkies, cartoon lovers.

We may think we’re all superior, but in the end, we’re all a bunch of losers.

Self-Deprecation is good for the soul.

Isn’t it fucked up that we’re still celebrating a holiday about a mass murderer who didn’t even discover America? I think it is.

Anyone who is either curious or concerned about the path or speed of Hurricane Nate should take a gander at this website:

http://www.weathernerds.org/

Note: The ECMWF model is much better than the GFS model for predicting the path and speed of hurricanes.

Decided to change my profile pic to former Metallica bassist Cliff Burton. May he rest in peace.

My power finally came back on. Yay!

To all my fellow Floridians, stay safe, hunker down, keep close to your loved ones, and keep a close eye on the beast known as Irma.

I've been thinking a lot about sex recently. And no, not in the way you think I'm thinking it. More in a way of "Will I ever have it" kind of way. You probably don't know this about me, but I am still a virgin. You must be surprised. How can a 20-year-old man still be a virgin? Well, allow me to explain.

I am not a very sociable person, meaning that I don't have a lot of friends. There are a few reasons for this. I'm shy, I don't have much confidence, I'm not a big talker, and I have difficulty expressing my emotions. I also have Asperger's Syndrome which makes it even harder to socialize with other people. That isn't to say I'm not a nice person, I'm very easy to get along with, and I can have fun with a lot of people. But it's just not easy for me to find friends. Let alone a girlfriend. Throughout my teenage years, I've never had a girlfriend. I was always so busy with school, my job and my personal interests that I never even considered a girlfriend. Most of the girls at my work just never really sparked my interest, and I'm generally shy around them. And whenever someone would ask me why I didn't have a girlfriend, I would always say, "I'm too busy for girls." To which they reply, "But you're a teenager. People your age should be going out, dating and kissing." Look, just because teenagers go out on dates doesn't mean that all teens will do it. Most teens just aren't ready for that sort of thing yet, and that's okay. You decide when you're ready to date, not your friends.

Which brings me to the sex. As a teen, I didn't really know a lot about sex. I had to learn much about it as I got older. Why? Well, I was homeschooled for the longest time from fourth grade up until eighth grade. From that point I went to a Christian school, and while I did learn a lot of things, sex education wasn't one of them. We were never taught basic things about sex because as a Christian you're supposed to wait until you're married. That doesn't always work for most teens, but at that time in my life it worked for me. If you look on my Twitter page, you can probably tell I'm a liberal, but I wasn't always like that. Back then, I was really conservative. How conservative? Well, let's just say I used to think that gays were parasites who added nothing. For the longest time, I was so anti-sex that I would be disgusted by people who made sex jokes and talked about sex openly. But since I've gained access to the internet, my conservative views began to decline. I no longer thought sex before marriage was bad, I became more tolerant of homosexuals, and I even started stray away from my religion, going from Christian to agnostic to atheist. And after all that I'm still a virgin. How? Well there's still more to it.

Even though I now know plenty of things about sex, I still haven't had sex yet. I did masturbate a lot in my teen years and I still do to this day, and I seem content with that. But nowadays, it doesn't seem like that's acceptable. A lot of guys feel pressured into having sex because according to mainstream society, men are perverts who want sex all the time regardless if they are in a relationship or married. I don't know about you, but I don't like being stereotyped as a horny, perverted, sex-crazed lunatic. Even though I look at a lot of furry and erotic MLP artwork on Deviantart and Furaffinity, I'm not always horny. Most of the time I don't even think about sex that much because I'm thinking about other things. Music, movies, video games, cars, my job, my family and so on. So for me to be thinking about sex 24/7 is just ludicrous. Besides sex isn't everything, and sex without love is pointless. But that doesn't stop a lot of guys from making one night stands with women. You know what I'm talking about. Guys who talk to women not to form a relationship, but solely to get laid. The players, the womanizers, the "use 'em and lose 'em" types. These are people that really piss me off.

Womanizers, in my view, do not care about the feelings of women. And I know it seems like an SJW thing of me to say but hear me out on this one. Womanizers are not interested in forming relationships with women, they only want to have sex with them and nothing more. To me, this is essentially saying "You are nothing more than a hole for me to slide my dick into. That's it. When I'm done, fuck off." That to me is very detrimental, because there is no love. These types of people don't care about love. I know women do this as well, but it's seem like it's mostly guys who do this. And guys like this give the whole gender a bad name. And I understand that some of us are going to think about sex, that's fine. Sex is what makes us human. But like alcohol and weed, we have to use it responsibly. Both men and women must do this.

As for me though, I'm waiting until I find the right person to have sex with. Who that person will be I don't know. Will I lose my virginity? Probably. But that isn't my concern at the moment. I'm more focused on getting ahead in life and trying to afloat in this troublesome world. And I think you'll all agree that that's the most important thing in life.

What do you guys think? I like to hear your thoughts below! :)