While working, I like to have a video running on my other monitor.

As such, I tend to look for old TV series than I can binge-watch. The problem with this is, I tend to sit through so much TV this way, that I start having to scrape the bottom of the barrel, just to find something new to run.

Right now, I'm grinding my way through Star Trek Voyager.

I had originally caught the series during it's first run on TV, but I was one of those folks who got fed up with it, and gave up on it about halfway through. So I've never actually seen all of it. I've watched all of The Original Series, and TNG. I made my way through DS9, and even forced myself to sit through all of ENTERPRISE.

I figured it was time.

And as I've been going through it, I've been rediscovering exactly why I gave up on it. It's not just the ever-present threat of a reset button being pressed, and everything that happened in the episode being negated... it's just what a lousy Captain Janeway is.

Case in point, the episode I just watched, called Memorial.

A shuttle arrives back at Voyager with four crewmen aboard, after a successful away-mission, hunting for fuel for the ship. All seems normal.

The crewmen start to experience flashbacks to being soldiers in a warzone. One crewman remembers being wounded, but has no trace of a wound on his body. Another takes a child hostage, trying to protect her from unspecified danger. They are diagnosed with PTSD by the ship's doctor. And then they all start remembering that they ended up massacring civilians.

There is some question on whether this was something that happened while they were on their away mission. Did they commit atrocities and then have their memories blanked? Are their memories even real?

And then the entire ship starts coming down with these memories. The crew is essentially crippled by flashbacks, and insanity.

So they travel to the planet where this war was supposed to have taken place, and discover a memorial (that of the title) which is force-feeding these memories into anyone unlucky enough to come in range of it. It's commemorating a massacre from 300 years ago, by forcing people to relive it, as the murderers who committed it.

Ok, so far, all fine and good, at least as far as a Trek storyline usually goes. But then Janeway makes a decision that was not only wrong, but so wrong that it should not only have led to an immediate mutiny, but should have resulted in her explusion from Starfleet and a court-martial leading to a prison sentence, upon returning to Earth. (which I know she eventually must, because she shows up in one of the later TNG feature films as "Admiral Janeway.")

So...What did she do? The device, which had caused chaos on her ship and driven her crew to the brink of insanity, was nearly out of energy. It was going to shut down soon, and its crippling rays would cease to be a hazard.

Her crew are adamant that the device must be destroyed, because after what it did to them, it should be pretty obvious that it is dangerous. Well, except for Nelix, the idiot. I mean, he nearly started a phaser battle in the cafeteria while under the influence of it, but hey... he's Nelix.

Anyway, Janeway decides NO, it should not be destroyed. And she cuts off all debate by basically saying Let's put new batteries in it so it lasts for another 300 years.

Now, Trek has, previously, brought us other episodes detailing the events of one person forcing their thoughts into another person's head. Vulcans consider it an atrocity to force a mind-meld. When a visiting alien forces his mind into that of counselor Troi on the Enterprise, it was considered an atrocity.

It's well established that this is not acceptable behavior in the Trek universe.

What I'm getting at here, is that Janeway is now guilty of mind-rape.

Janeway knows what this device does. She's seen what it did to her crew.

And she is just fine with it.

In fact, she doesn't just condone the operation of this mind-rape machine, but she acts to make sure that it can keep mind-raping, for centuries to come. By acting to keep it in operation, she becomes responsible for its activity.

Oh, sure... She'll put a beacon out there in space someplace WARNING: Mind Rape Machine In Operation, but that's it.

And that, friends, is just one of many reasons why Star Trek Voyager sucks.

I'd bet that this sort of stellar writing is one of the reasons why Voyager managed to dump 95% of it's audience by the end.

It really isn't making me want to continue.

Is it just me or does Youtube just not work anymore?

Ever since they switched from flash video to HMTL-5, it seems like the odds of actually getting a video to play are somewhere between NOPE and HAHAHAHAHA.

Update:
Apparently, it's a problem with the latest Firefox update.

I had to go into about:config and change media.mediasource.enabled to true.

Gird your loins. It's MANLY time.

Today's Manly Feat: switching off the light switch on the wall, using only an eyebrow, because your hands are full of food plate.

Can you do it?

I have.

MANLY!

The fanboys are up in arms, waving their plastic toy lightsabers in rabid fury at the events in the latest issue of MARVEL's new Star Wars comic. The fact that Disney has declared the comic to be canonical, and that these events are therefore now permanently part of the Star Wars universe has driven outrage to a level unseen since Jar-Jar waddled across movie screens.

And the underscored note to all of this, the calamitous screech rising from the throngs of the loyal is HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US? We were so happy when you took Star Wars away from George Lucas, because he had raped our childhoods and wrecked everything. You were to make it all better. You were to make it right. Your one Job was to make Star Wars STAR WARS again, and now you've ruined it FOREVAHHHHHH!!!!!!

Well to those folks I would say "Sit down and relax."

Han Solo. He who shot first, no matter what historical revisionism George Lucas might have tried to foist upon us. Lovable rogue and scoundrel. Man's man. Tough, streetwise and clever.

How could he be married? He was the bachelor's bachelor. Living in squalor aboard his spaceship, with his best bud by his side, flying around zapping bad guys, living by his own rules, taking no guff and generally being a ten year old's sneering vision of Pure Cool.

...and now he's just another Yuppie.

*deep and heavy sigh of resignation*

Oh, where to begin.

Although the revelation about Han's wife is used as a sort of cliffhanger in the issue, and we therefore don't have the full story of who she is and how he met her, I can actually see how it could happen.

And let me tell you this: it would be entirely in character for him.

Explanation:

Han Solo is a bit of a bastard. This is, in fact, the entire point of why HAN SHOT FIRST.

And although it ended up on the cutting room floor, there exists a rough cut of the Cantina scene where we first are introduced to him, which shows that while Luke and Ben were meeting, and subsequently cutting the arm off of one of the other bar patrons, Han was off in a corner Mackin' On A Chick:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4.....ene_shortfilms

..and of course, when he finally meets Princess Leia, his immediate response is to start Mackin' on her, too.

So... he's a bit of a Lady's man. (or, at least he thinks he is)

And... it's not that big a stretch to paint Han as the "Girl In Every Port" type.

Therefore... It's not unreasonable to believe that at some point, one of his liasons may have resulted in his being railroaded into a shotgun wedding, or that he would then run away from his new bride at the first opportunity. And that having made good his escape, he would never ever speak of it again, ever. Never. Nope. Never happened. Never. Stop that snickering, Chewie!

...which might also explain why she looks so pissed when she finally catches up with him.

Now, this is all conjecture. We have yet to see how all this plays out, but so far MARVEL's comic has been so true to the spirit of the original film that I'd be willing to bet that the angle they're going for, if it ends up not being what I have speculated above, still remains true to the character.

So, put down those blasters, and pry off the plastic Boba Fett mask.

Let's see where they're going with this before you freak completely out, okay?

Since I've been put officially in charge of doing my own shopping for this month, I've just come back from (well, escaped from really) Wal-Mart.

I managed to get out with my wallet still reasonably intact, however I was goaded into buying two things which I now wish I hadn't bought.

It seems that Wal-Mart is selling diet soda without it clearly being labeled as such. I picked up two bottles of what appared to be Lime flavored and cocoanut flavored soda.. It was only after I got them home and gave them a quick sample taste that I discovered it.

Opened the cocoanut, which is a pale blue color. Gave it a swig.

You know that weird diet aftertaste? That was the flavor. Weird diet aftertaste, the soda.

Tried the Limeade. Better. Hint of lime, but still very diet-ish.

Checked the tiny little print on the back of the label.

These things are sweetened with aspartame! This is diet soda!

The only hint to this is tiny little print tucked away out of sight, near the bottom of the label which reads "calorie free."

The word DIET is nowhere on display.

Wal-Mart, you basatrd.

You made me drink diet soda!

*torch*

*pitchfork*

ARRRGH!

Some thoughts about Evil Twin:

1) I mentioned in the past that I tend to ride the status tab, so see how many views and comments my various postings attract on their day of posting. And this has led to my noticing that Evil Twin's readership is down. The major drop came the week of the now infamous sidebar ad arriving on and subsequently vanishing from FA, after it drew the ire of a rampaging mob, of the torch and pitchfork variety. So, I'm not sure if that's my fault. The number of comments and faves seem to be about the same, but there are a hundred fewer viewers now than there used to be. If that was because of the sidebar ad, FA admins really ought to take notice of that.

2) The Evil Twin Patreon has three pledge levels. Twenty Five Cents, Fifty Cents, and One Dollar. I had intended to keep the pledge levels cheap, so as to attract more pledges. I figured, Twenty Five cents was a good low amount that people might respond to. Two bits! You can't even by a can of Dr Pepper for that anymore... However, it seems I was quite mistaken. Nobody has pledged at Twenty Five Cents. There are two at Fifty cents, but the majority of the pledges, Seven in all, are at the one dollar level. I've been thinking I may have priced myself too cheaply, there. My initial thought was that maybe I should do away with the Twenty Five cent pledge level, and shift everything down - but then that might be seen as a demotion among the minions. If someone pledged a dollar to be an executive minion, I wouldn't want them feeling they'd been cheated the next time they looked and found they were a mere senior minion now. So instead, I'm thinking maybe I should add a fourth pledge level above One Dollar and see what happens. Not sure what I would call it though. Not sure what pledge amount either. $2? $5?

3) Even considering the drop in the number of overall views recently, I'm still amazed at the number of people who are taking time to read Evil Twin. There are about 300 average views in a week right now on FA. Over on Belfry, there are 18 subscriptions, and 20 readers this week. http://www.thewebcomiclist.com lists evil twin as having about 150 readers per month on average (69 as of right now, woo 69!) For a comic that hasn't even reached 100 strips yet, that's none too shabby.

4) Ignoring paid links, Evil Twin is now the third search result on Google for "Evil Twin Comic" and the second result for "Evil Twin Webcomic"

Thank you for reading my nonsense!

So, as you folks may be aware, there's a new Supergirl TV show coming your way soon.

And screeners for it have been sent out for review.

...and someone leaked one of those screeners onto the internet.

Oh, that wacky internet.

Since I have just watched the leaked screener, I feel I would therefore be remiss if I didn't fulfill the duty to review it.

And so, I am.

Let's start with the elephant in the room. ARROW / THE FLASH.

These two series have been running on CW, and both have been pretty well received. I personally rate the current FLASH as one of my top current faves. It is, to my mind, the best thing to happen to DC's characters since the Bruce Timm Batman cartoon premiered.

And Arrow / Flash have generated a spinoff which we shall be seeing soon, with various other DC heroes including The Atom, and Hawkgirl. The CW are building their own little DC-character based world over there. There's even going to be a cartoon series.

And now we have Supergirl....from a different network. No crossover. No tie-in to any of that.

A complete stand-alone.

But naturally, it's going to be impossible to look at the one without comparing it to the others.

So, does it stack up?

Well...no. At least the Pilot didn't.

Don't get me wrong. The Pilot was good. In fact it was very good. It was everything that the doomy & gloomy feature films aren't.

Very bright. Very hopeful. Positive.

The primary problem can be summed up in one word: PACING.

It just moves too damned fast.

Arrow & Flash spin their tale out in a seasonal arc, and that arc builds slowly. You get fed a few details of it at a time, keeping the intrigue level up, so that you're never quite sure what's going to happen next. The end result is a slow, simmering storyline that ends up feeling more intimate and personal.

Supergirl, on the other hand, has about a season's worth of plot jammed into a single episode. They basically hit you over the head with it. And because they're force-feeding you so much story at once, you don't really get the same emotional grip on any of it, that you get with Arrow or Flash. It's just rushing by too fast.

When Supergirl finally hits the airwaves, and we can see more than just the one episode, maybe it will get better. I hope it does, because I liked what I saw.

I just hope it feels like more of a feast and less like rushing through a fast food drive through.

Slow down and let me enjoy this, please.

http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Evil_Twin

A Wikifur entry has been created for Evil Twin.

Hope I did it right.

Although it will sound like an urban legend - one of those stories you hear in passing that maybe happened to a brother of a friend of some guy - the story you are about to read is the complete and entire truth.

I know it's true, because I was there that night.

I saw it all.

Let's start with the backstory:

Once upon a time, there was a rock band.

Specifically, it was a rock band belonging to my brother and his then-girlfriend, now-wife. At the time, I was their sound guy. I ran the portable mixing board in the back of the bar that was hooked to the portable PA system. Together, we played weekend gigs at various bars in the local area, and we had the whole thing down to a pattern. The band had built a ritual out of it. Friday Night was the time to gather the gear, pack the cars, and then get drunk. (except for me)

But Saturday, show day, that was where it all started.

Specifically, it started with a movie called THIS IS SPINAL TAP.

You may have heard of it. It's a documentary about a fictional Heavy Metal band.

They'd watch it before every gig, to get themselves riled up and in a "rock n' roll mood" so that by show time, they were ready to roll onstage and do their thing.

Now, the reason this is important, is because of something in that film.

Something that had an important part to play in the coming events.

It was this: In that film, Spinal Tap's guitar player had this little radio that he'd plug into his guitar, so that he didn't have to plug into a guitar cable. This meant he wasn't tied down. He could roam around without dragging a cord behind him, and potentially snagging it or tripping on it. The radio would broadcast his playing to a receiver unit, and that would be what got plugged into the mixer. This made him free range. He could run all over the place.

Now, they made a joke about it in the film, having him pick up air traffic control chatter over it in mid-show... but, every time the scene came on when that radio was explained to the audience, our guitar player, Steve Small, would turn to whoever was closest and say some variation on "I'm gonna get me one of those, just you wait."

And finally, one day, he did.

On the weekend of The Incident (as it would come to be known) we were booked into a little hole-in-the-wall in Wilmington, Delaware called The Barn Door. The name was fitting, because that was about how big the stage was. The "building" appeared to have started life as an alley between two real buildings, that someone had thrown a roof on. It was a narrow little corridor of a place. Just wide enough for two cocktail tables, with an aisle down the center.

Way up at the front, the whole front wall was taken up by a huge window. The main bar was there, off to one side. as was the main entrance.

way at the back was the stage. It spanned from wall to wall, a raised platform about the size of a garage door. But that wasn't it's most notable feature. You see, the stage was between the audience and the bathrooms. The walkway down the center of the place ended right at the foot of the stage, and there was a little set of steps that led up onto the stage.

To get to the bathrooms then, it was necessary for the public to walk up onto the middle of stage, push the singer out of the way, nudge between the drum riser and the guitar player, and there, at the back of the stage was the bathroom alcove.

...and the back door.

And as we started setting up, Steve whipped out his brand new radio hookup, made a request to swap the song that led into the mid-show break, and announced that he had something "big" planned.

But he wouldn't say what.

So, it's showtime. I sit down at the mixing board. We get a level, and the band launches into the first song, while the place starts filling up for the night. There's a crowd around the bar down at the far end, there's a few couples at the cocktail tables. And music proceeds to happen. And another average Saturday night gets underway.

Or so it seemed.

Because, then we got to the song before the break. We always did two sets, with a ten minute cool-off period in the middle for drinks. And the band was anticipating their first beers of the night.

And then we got to the guitar solo.

And as Steve launched into it, he stepped past the singer, down the little set of steps, and proceeded to begin strutting down the aisle between the tables. He'd stop now and then to play a bit at the various people at the various tables. And we thought, yeah - okay, that's pretty cool.

And he kept going. All the way down to the far end of the place, walking right up to the bar, and playing at the people who were sitting and drinking, there at the bar. The solo was now twice the length it ever had been. But the band kept going, backing him up, because hey - this was actually kind of cool. Way to go, Steve.

Then Steve flashed us a grin, turned to one side, and walked right out the front door. And as we watched, he walked past the window...

headed down the street...

and disappeared off into the night.

And he kept playing his solo. And the band kept backing him up.

And this went on for five more minutes. No Steve.

Ten more minutes. No Steve.

Fifteen minutes went by with no sign of him, and at that point, the other members of the band started talking (loudly) amongst themselves about what the hell they were supposed to do, now.

After much debate, it was decided, that they would go ahead and take their break. They wrapped things up, took their bow, got down off the stage, got their beers and sat at the tables nearest the stage, drinking and waiting.

And the guitar solo continued.

Questions and opinions on the situation were bandied about, tossed back and forth between the band members - where was Steve? What had happened? He couldn't have gotten mugged, because he was clearly still playing. Somewhere, out there, in the dark of the night, a guitar player was on the loose.

Twenty minutes. No Steve.

Finally at thirty minutes, the owner of the place had started tapping his watch, implying that it was time to get the show going again, guys. Guitar player or no, music needed to happen.

So, the band members stood and moved towards the stage. I settled at my mixing board and prepared to finally silence Steve, by turning his volume down.

But, as the drummer was moving behind his drumkit, he suddenly stopped, then turned and went over to the back door and opened it.

Steve vaulted through the back door, leaping out into the middle of the stage, and he finished his solo with a crescendo and flourish, now backed up by the entire band again.

And then there was silence.

And in the silence, Steve screamed "WHICH ONE OF YOU SONS OF BITCHES CLOSED THE BACK DOOR?!"

It seems, that what Steve had planned was to walk down the aisle, out the front door, and walk around the block to the back door, thereby to re-enter the building from the rear. And, that he had propped the door open with a chair in preparation for this.

But, at some point between the time he went out the front door, and arrived at the back door, the chair had been removed. Most likely by someone who had gone back to the bathrooms, spotted the door open, and decided to be "helpful" and close it.

So, when Steve arrived at the back door, there was no way he could open it. Both his hands were busy.

He tried walking around to the front of the bar again, but the front door was closed too. He'd even tried signaling through the front window, but somehow we missed seeing him. And nobody came in or went out.

He walked around to the back again, and started kicking the back door. No answer. He walked around to the front. Nobody to let him in. Around to the back door.

And he stood there, kicking, playing, and waiting for someone to hear him and let him the hell in.

After that night, it was agreed through mutual consent, that Steve would never have another bright idea again. At least, not without giving the rest of the band an advanced warning.

But that night, I bore witness to history.

There may have been louder guitar solos. There may have even been longer guitar solos.

But there has never been a guitar solo that covered three entire city blocks.

Except for one summer night, long long ago.

In a little place called Delaware.

Long time readers of the mental masturbation that I post through FA's journal system will know that one of the things that really sets my teeth on edge is poor design.

I've not been shy about swinging the axe of discontent in the direction of the high and mighty, whenever they replace a good product with a bad one. Apple. Poser. even Second Life became victims of my wrath, when they allowed incompetent designers free reign over their interfaces.

The problem is, that more and more, bad design seems to be the rule of the day. Change for the sake of change, which adds nothing of value, driven by some mistaken impulse that different is always better - or even more likely, changes that damage the usefulness of a given design. Because now it looks "clean." All those controls you used to use were just clutter getting n the way of the new look. Who cares that you needed them. They were in the way.

A good design is not a fashion model. Yes, it helps if the final result looks nice, but in the end, a user interface is a tool, and it has a job to do. If it cannot do that job, it has no business existing.

By now, some of you have guessed where this is all going.

Yes, I'm about to discuss the Beta design for FA.

On the occasions I have used it, I have found it to have one single redeeming feature: the ability to switch it off.

All of the changes it makes seem to be of either the first or second variety listed above. Things moved around for no good reason except to move them. Key features either hidden or removed.

Not a single moment seems to have been spent thinking about how or why people use FA. Not a single second spent on examining what it is about the current design that made it so successful. About why it works.

And that is just about the worst thing that can be done with a design. Ignore why it works.

When Second Life replaced their old 1.0 client with the new interface of 2.0 - an interface as badly designed, and as ignorant of how&why people used SL as the FA Beta is of how&why people use FA, they lost most of their user base practically overnight. Oldtimers found it unusable; too much effort to bother with. So, they just stopped logging in. Newbies found it impossible to understand since most of the controls were buried or hidden. They never stuck around to become regular users.

Sims shut down. Communities dried up.

People walked away and never came back.

I have never been one of those I'M LEAVING FA FOREVER types. I will use FA for as long as it survives, because the community here is important to me. The people I know here, the people who comment regularly on my work and who I enjoy chatting with, and whose streams I enjoy visiting mean quite a lot to me. I do not want to lose any of that, and I do not want to lose any of them.

But we could be looking at the FA equivalent of an extinction-level event here, with this Beta design.

If the design is truly as bad as it seems, as bad as the SL 2.0 design was, then history will very likely repeat itself.

Once it goes live, I will again have to bear witness to my community drying up around me, as people get fed up, log out and don't bother coming back.

I have left my recommendation for the future of the Beta project on the most recent journal:

Start over or cancel it.

ADDENDUM:

I had not realized until just a few moments ago, that the site admins have started damaging the Classic interface, polluting it with some of the bad ideas from the Beta.

Viewing space for submissions has been reduced to make room for an oversized IMVU ad, and a sidebar to contain it.

Submission images have had their quality drastically reduced, so that unless you are viewing the full size, they are blurry and badly pixelated.

Because of these changes, the userbase is now in open revolt.

The next few hours should be very telling about the survival prospects for FA.

UPDATE:
https://twitter.com/furaffinity
We've heard you. Changes to submissions will be reverted. No more sidebar or square ad. Changes will be completed sometime today.

FA's survival is looking a bit better.

So, we're about to be blessed with yet another grimdark Superman movie... this time one that shamelessly rips off Frank Miller's Dark Knight comics.

It looks like the studio didn't learn a thing from the backlash against their last attempt at it.

Maybe this film could have worked fifteen years ago. But the rise of the MARVEL Cinematic Universe has pretty much rendered everything DC is doing outdated, and badly outdated at that- also misguided, pompous, and self-indulgent. It's trying so hard to be serious, important art, that it forgets to be entertainment.

So, how can it be done right?

Can it be done right?

I put my brain to the problem, and this is what I came up with:

For a start, Superman is not the main character. There is no Krypton backstory padding out the start of the film. This is Lois Lane's story. We start with her, we follow her, and what we learn and see of Superman, we learn and see because she is learning and seeing it as the events of the film progress.

In other words, we treat Superman more as a plot device than a character. He is the tentpole holding our story up, but the story is what happens inside the tent, not the tent itself.

Oh, and I'd make it a period piece. Set it either just before WWII, or just after it. The era when Newspapers like The Daily Planet were still important sources of information.

The next thing I'd do is nerf Superman's powers. We're doing this as a period piece, so let's dump him back to the limited power set he had during that era. When he wasn't a living God who could punch planets out of orbit. He was just this guy who was strong, tough, and beat up gangsters. A bit of a bruiser. Took no guff, and didn't angst about it.

In fact, let's use the Fleischer Superman cartoons as a reference point, along with the old George Reeves serial. Go the whole thrilling adventure tale route with it. And this is the key point: keep it fun. We're not here to lecture the audience. We're here to give them some thrills.

Using this as a blueprint would make for a far better Superman movie than anything we've had in recent years.

Enough of the grimdark.

I think the audience is ready for some fun.

At least, I know I am.

It's just after midnight.

It's April 16.

I'm officially 45.

Happy happy birthday...

And the party has already, started, courtesy of  DrakeMOhkami :
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16293343/

That is so much awesome.

Give him some love.

April 15 is doomsday.

According to the tax prep software I just used, I'm going to owe the government about $170 more than I actually have.

So, I quite desperately need to come up with that money, and right now.

Towards that end, I am opening commission slots, in an attempt to generate the money required to keep the tax men from dragging me away in chains:

PRIVATE MESSAGE me if you want to get on the list.

1 character per slot (if you want a commission containing 2 characters, that uses up 2 slots).

If you have a specific character in mind, HAVE REFERENCE IMAGES READY.

Speedy payment (via Paypal) is key; if you can't send payment within the day please don't ask for slots.

I won't draw: Cubpr0n, Scat, Gore, complex details or backgrounds.

A privacy fee ($20) applies if you do not want your commission uploaded to my gallery.

Also - These will be DIGITAL ONLY. I don't have a printer. However, I will be happy to send you the full-size file, if requested.

And please, keep the request short: just the specifics. A sentence or two would be just fine.

Here is the cost:

COST:

Inked:
$20 per character
EXAMPLES:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8553547/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8706249/

Color:
$25 per character
Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8619283/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9457179/

I will add as many slots as are necessary to reach $170
First come, first serve...

1.  Karno COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16332966/

2.  AoNekoAmaru COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16418298/

3.  StarDustFur COLOR / PAID / DONE
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16515886/

4.  expandranon
5.  expandranon COLOR / PAID

6.  Vrghr
7.  Vrghr COLOR / PAID

Update:
Alrighty folks, that should be that. Thanks again to everybody for this!

Advanced Warning:

My Birthday is on the 16th of this month.

If ya were gonna do something, here's your chance.

On today's very special, 2-part episode of My Little Pony: Friendships is Magic...

The main characters find themselves visiting the village from creepypasta fanfic Story Of The Blanks, only to discover that the weird ponies who live there aren't zombies, they're something much worse: communists.

As some of you folks may recall, after Disney bought STAR WARS, they also yanked back the comic book rights from Dark Horse, since they also owned MARVEL and intended to publish their comic book property with their comic book company.

Well, I've just banged my way through issues 1 & 2 (episode title SKYWALKER STRIKES) and am about to start on Issue #3 and I have to tell you - I'm liking this. Really REALLY liking this.

It's the first time, in a long time, that something with the name STAR WARS stamped on it has actually felt like STAR WARS.

I'm not the biggest STAR WARS geek, but I'm giggling like a kid as I make my way through this. I find myself sitting here with my little inner voice squeaking over and over "This is so awesome!" in a tone similar to that of Po, The Kung Fu Panda.

I can hear the music.

I think it's actually washed away the stink of the prequels.

It's STAR WARS without any of George Lucas' bad ideas getting in the way.

Right, that's enough talking about it.. on to issue #3.

Addition: Finished Issue 3. Cannot wait for Issue 4.

Back when I was a young tyke, and still struggling under the cinder-block-like burden of a school year, I looked forward to that final day when it all ended.

I had two traditions, for the last day of school.

The first was to carefully remove all the drawings from the bulging notebook that held all my homework for the year. This was because invariably, every notebook on the bus would end up getting thrown out a window by the unruly toughs who populated my neighborhood. (Yes, we got yelled at, and no they never stopped. It was tradition.)

The other was, once I got home, I'd put on this record, and play this song, as my anthem to the start of summer. It was the opening theme music for three months of absolute nothing.

And while I may be jumping the gun a bit (it's only April, not June) I felt it was time.

The snow is melted. The warm is here.

Let's do this.

Hello, and shut up.

I would like to tell you how happy I am to be here tonight, but I can't, because I'm not.

In point of fact, I am suffering from something, that I have been advised, for legal reasons, not to refer to as a hangover, because there may be children watching, and our lawyers don't want me to offend the little bastards.

However, because shutting me up would require my being removed from the stage - an outcome which would delight me to no end, as the overhead lighting is starting to make my brain sweat - I will go ahead and explain that when I received word that my presence had been requested for this national television broadcast, I was so overjoyed at the thought of being a part of it, that I went out and celebrated in a manner which the god Bacchus himself might have found to be just a bit much.

To whit, I got so fantastically drunk, that this morning, when I did not so much awake, as instead "become aware, once again, of my surroundings" I found that although my last memory before sliding into oblivion was that of heading towards the carpet from an upright position, and at great speed, somewhere between vertical and horizontal, I had gotten incredibly lost.

So anyway, after the firemen had carried me down from the steeple, and the police had fetched the requisite key with which to un-handcuff me from the duck, I was rather unceremoniously hosed down, sprayed with cologne, stuffed into this suit, and pushed out here onto this stage, to stand before you and tell you something so amazingly important, that I cannot for the life of me remember what it was even vaguely about.

I think it was supposed to be something funny. I just hope to God it wasn't topical, because by the time I've remembered what it was, the odds are that it no longer will be.

There are a few short words which I would like to say to you in closing, but they would probably get me banned from television.

So instead I shall simply say "good evening" - a statement which is likely to be more acceptable to the common standards of decency, even though it is a complete and utter lie.

Good evening.

I think I agree with James May. What Jeremy did was out of line, but it should have been handled better. It didn't need to be blown up out of all proportions, the way it was.

And why was it blown up?

I honestly feel that this was never about Clarkson, as much as it was about Jimmy Saville.

And before folks complain about me making that comparison again, I'm not the only one. A representative of the BBC made that claim, loudly, and in public, to the media:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art.....ke-Savile.html

...so why would they do this?

Because the BBC knowingly covered up decades of child abuse, and statutory rape by one of their biggest celebrities, and then sat on that info for another few decades. And when it finally came out into the light that they had done this, the race began to find some way, ANY way of demonstrating that "We're not that guy."

They needed a scapegoat, and they found one.

Millions of dollars in international sales flushed down the pipes. Contracts voided. Penalties owed. Millions more of upset television license holders. A popular show ruined. The careers of it's three stars, ended.

And all so some BBC executive can sleep at night, after repating his mantra: "It wasn't me. I'm a good person."

Here's a thing I haven't seen for too damn long...

If you're a junk food connoisseur like me, you sometimes get weird cravings.

Like, for a hotdog shaped taco log, on a bun.

Or those corner-store fruit pies, where most of the actual fruit content is contained within the photo printed on the label.

Or White Castle anything.

Good times.

Anyway... 7-11, who basically built their entire empire on satisfying these sorts of weird cravings, used to sell one item in particular that hit all my buttons in the right order.

Unfortunately, it no longer seems to be available anywhere.

It was this: they had, in a refrigerated case, these microwavable burgers. There were the usual burger, cheeseburger, deluxe-cheesebuirger, and then there was one simply called The Truckstopper.

It was a long sub type roll, with a long sub-shaped burger patty, topped with some kind of weird, orange, oniony chili sauce.

And I haven't seen one for sale in a 7-11 for years upon years.

I still get the weird craving for one every now and then.

Is there anyplace that still has these, or have they gone from everywhere?

It's kind of sad to think of a world without The Truckstopper in it.

I think part of it was the name. Imagine naming a sandwich that. They might as well have called it "This thing is so unhealthy that it could stop a truck, let alone your puny, mortal heart. Eat up!"

And yet I still want one.

With a side of nachos.

This is one of those thoughts that keeps rolling around in the back of my head, knocking things over and generally getting in the way. So, I'm sticking it here, to make room for something else:

Indiana Jones 4: Crystal Skull would have been a much better movie if they had swapped the front and back of the story, and rewritten the middle to compensate.

What I mean is, instead of starting in the Raiders warehouse and ending in the jungle, the story should have started in the Jungle, with the discovery of the skull artifact, and then the theft of the artifact, and then a race and chase through the rest of the film, to recapture it, with the chase finally leading Indy to the massive warehouse, and all it contains. So when you finally emerge into the massive space, it would have felt a bit more like a payoff. Coming full circle, as it were.

Set your big final set piece in the warehouse - maybe the baddies need to use the skull, along with some other artifact in the warehouse, to crack open reality or something. Lose the alien artifact angle, go with something a bit more Lovecraft. And it's up to Indy to stop it...

I'd also lose all the cold war / nuke test stuff. Completely off-tone for an Indy Jones film.

Comments?

In case you haven't heard the news by now, Top Gear will not be airing this weekend, or possibly ever again.

It seems that presenter Jeremy Clarkson got into a fracas with a producer during location filming this week, and as a result, Clarkson has been suspended from the air. And the BBC have therefore canceled the remaining three episodes of Top Gear that were to run this year.

Yes, the network that spent several decades covering up repeated child molestation by noted host Jimmy Savile, has decided that Clarkson has stepped over the line for being a bit rude.

They claim Clarkson hit the producer.

Clarkson says he didn't.

James May simply called it a "dust-up."

In their defense, the BBC have drawn up a list of complaints against Clarkson, including a couple of things which were not actually his fault, and which he had little to no control over.

I remember when Michael Grade was gunning for Doctor Who, and digging for any excuse he could find to get it off their air. It looks like somewhere in the BBC, Top Gear has found a Michal Grade of their own. Someone is gunning for them, looking for any excuse to get them off the air.

But, Here's the problem for the BBC. Top Gear is currently their top grossing program, worldwide. It is their biggest moneymaker. And with three episodes cancelled, the BBC now owe a huge pile of refunds to the people they had sold the broadcast rights to, worldwide. They stand to lose a huge mountain of money over this, and piss off practically everyone they do international program licensing with. Not to mention all the angry people who watch the show, and now won't be able to. These people have already started a petition to have Clarkson reinstated, with over 40,000 signatures already on it.

And this comes on the eve of the moment when May, Hammond, and Clarkson were all due to renew their contracts.

I can honestly see them deciding that it isn't worth all the hassle.

Especially since there are other networks willing to pay Clarkson a lot of money to have him work for them, instead.

If there is a sinister, Michael Grade-esque baddie lurking out there, somewhere within the darkened hallways of the BBC, looking for any excuse to remove Top Gear from the airwaves, let me say this to him: congratulations, whoever you are.

What a well-aimed shot.

Hope you enjoy hopping.

Those who know me personally know that I'm not one to indulge in smoking or drinking, let alone drugs. (caffeine doesn't count does it I need my caffeine oh god whys the coffee machine taking so long hurry up damnit) However, I have been keeping an eye on Marijuana prohibition and the repeal of it that has been slowly taking shape across the United States.

There were cries from the powers that be, that those states which dared to make "the killer weed" legal would become Mad Max style wastelands of depravity and violence by the end of the week, as drug crazed pot smokers ran amok. (because if there's one person who's got an excess amount of energy to burn off, it's someone on pot. Really, scrape a pot smoker up off the floor and ask them.)

And of course, that didn't happen. In fact, the states that made it legal have reaped nothing but rewards.

The success story that's taking shape then, has certain people in the law enforcement community mighty vexed. They've spent piles of cash promoting the idea that pot isn't just deadly dangerous, it's so deadly dangerous that the only solution to the epidemic of it's very existence, is to surrender all your rights to the will of the police. And your money. And your property. And anything else you might have that they want, because THINK OF THE CHILDREN!™

And that goes triple if you're brown.

Double triple, even.

Possibly more.

So, Then, to the dumbest thing I will read all week:
http://tinyurl.com/laxp8h5

Here's the money quote:
"They are plowing marijuana fields and planting opiates. It's killing our youths. It's an epidemic,'' said Lt. Mike Pooley, a Tempe police spokesman.

Yes friends, because Marijuana is now becoming legal here in the United States, the sale price has dropped to the point that it has become worthless to the Mexican Mafia as a cash crop, and they just aren't going to be growing it or smuggling it into America anymore.

And THIS IS A BAD THING.

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!™

Wouldn't you prefer those kids to be smoking nice safe reefer, instead of doing all those hard drugs that will be the only thing available to them now? My God! If little Bobby can't get illegal weed, he's going to have to become a cocaine addict!

Yes, we must keep pot illegal - It's the only way to keep the kids smoking it!

Do it for them, won't you?

Clearing the old journal off my frontpage.

This song has been stuck in my head all week.



Now it's stuck in yours.

Ok, so - I didn't talk much about the thought process behind today's Evil Twin comic. And it's kinda been nagging me, so I figured I'd put it into a journal instead.

In a nutshell, it's Canada's fault.

Some of you folks may remember Bob & Doug McKenzie, those two hosers from The Great White North, played by Rick Moranis, and Dave Thomas.

Rick Moranis, of course, has had a very successful career, appearing in numerous movies, including GHOSTBUSTERS, SPACEBALLS, and a whole raft of HONEY I... movies from Disney.

Well, Dave Thomas has also done a number of other things - and among them is a tv show that he had on a network in Canada, very briefly, called Rocket Boy.

Rocket Boy was a parody of those late 70's and early 80's sci-fi shows like Buck Rogers, with touches of the old Flash Gordon serials thrown in. And since I'm a fan of both SCTV and those kitschy retro sci-fi shows, some wonderful people arranged for me to get my hands on VHS rips of the series - and this is the important point - with the commercial breaks still in them.

Why is that the important point? Because partway through the first episode I watched, right after the "dramatic cliffhanger" that ended the first act, and led into the commercial break, there was a commercial for... Rocket Boy. In fact, it was a reminder, to tune in tonight, and watch the very episode it was placed smack dab in the middle of.

And if that wasn't boneheaded enough, the commercial featured "exciting scenes" from the episode, as an incentive to get you to tune in, and which included spoilers for not just the cliffhanger you had just watched, but also the end of the episode.

So, after all the work that had gone into writing this show, with actors learning the lines, performing the scenes, and filming it. After all the effects and been paid for and the music written, and after all the behind the scenes deal-making which is required to get a TV show on the air.....There was effectively no way to watch this show and not have it utterly ruined by some jerk in a control booth someplace.

It was exactly the sort of screw-up that SCTV was known for.

It was sad and funny at the same time.

And it was perfect.

The beautiful horribleness of the whole situation kinda twigged something inside me, and the result was today's comic.

A commercial that is utterly pointless, because you're already watching this.

Judging by the lack of response, I suspect it may have gone a bit over people's heads.

Or a little to one side, maybe.

I have no idea who the bonehead is who put that commercial in the middle of that Rocket Boy episode, but I'd like to buy him a beer.

...and then break all his legs.