I hate being alone now. I'm no good at it anymore, and I don't like doing things I'm no good at. Once I had the ability to exist semi-comfortably under my own direction. I read books that I liked, I played games that I enjoyed. Now when I'm by myself, I usually just sleep.

I wish I could care enough to write again. I'm fairly decent at it, but there's nothing I care about writing these days that doesn't also make me blind with rage. Once I was inspired by Asimov's vision of a galactic encyclopedia to preserve human knowledge through millennia of collapse. Living through collapse myself, I lack any faith that there will be a posterity to pick up anything I might leave behind, nor reason to believe that they would understand or deserve it.