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Perpetual Fear of Rejection; Covid-19
6 years ago
General
Another beaut come and gone from my life... Now, why did I start off by saying this?
On March 16th, toward the end of my shift at our local museum, I came into contact with a beautiful woman I rang up at my register. She wore a pair of thick-rimmed glasses and had straightened blonde hair. I start off with a "hi" and the usual question that I ask everyone; how are you doing today? She starts talking and her accent was sort of unfamiliar to me. I ask her where she's from and she replies that she is from Czechoslovakia. I was taken aback. Idiotically, I remark "The Czech Republic? That's pretty dang far." She giggle-laughs. It was right then and there that I was just taken by her. It was very quick, I know. I wish I could help it, honestly. Anyway, I then bring up the 15-or-so postcards she brought to my register. They were all going to her family back in Europe -- where she said she was from. The ensuing conversation revealed that she was really nice and that she had a good sense of humor. She was hitting all the marks in what I looked for in a girl and I was enjoying every second we talked. My heart passively went aflutter. A beautiful woman inside and out. Dare I say, I was even close to asking her out or something.
Unfortunately, I know it wasn't meant to be. 'cause she was travelling and, get this, I don't know very much about her. So her stay in the state, let alone the city I reside, was fleeting. Moments after I realized this, I put her postcards in a small bag, print out her receipt and sent her off. We exchanged prior that Czechoslovakia was much like the state and that I should go there someday. I remark "You know what? I will, as soon as I get over my fear of being in an airplane." She replied that it's like being on a train and I respond with "Well, yeah, if the train could fly high in the air." And it was met with a giggle-laugh.
And just like that, my shift rounded off with a bright light as I smiled from ear to ear. She really did light my day up, you have no idea. I was having a bit of a shitty day. Yet she was the light at the end of my tunnel. In reality, she was only an illusion of a light and the tunnel just proceeded after it.
To counter this feeling of rejection one day later, I reason with myself that she's like got an SO back home, is married, or is a lesbian and I deal with the depression for the rest of the day. After all was said and done however, I wish she was the one. And so the search to quench my thirst continues...
I also wish I didn't have this mindset to begin with.
---
So, our country was issued to stay inside, limit interactions, and close any and all public facilities. My job is closed until the 31st and I have a less-than-ideal pay coming in a couple days. So, I'm opening commissions indefinitely. If you're at all interested, please browse my gallery, visit my standalone webpage located in my description, and send me a note!
On March 16th, toward the end of my shift at our local museum, I came into contact with a beautiful woman I rang up at my register. She wore a pair of thick-rimmed glasses and had straightened blonde hair. I start off with a "hi" and the usual question that I ask everyone; how are you doing today? She starts talking and her accent was sort of unfamiliar to me. I ask her where she's from and she replies that she is from Czechoslovakia. I was taken aback. Idiotically, I remark "The Czech Republic? That's pretty dang far." She giggle-laughs. It was right then and there that I was just taken by her. It was very quick, I know. I wish I could help it, honestly. Anyway, I then bring up the 15-or-so postcards she brought to my register. They were all going to her family back in Europe -- where she said she was from. The ensuing conversation revealed that she was really nice and that she had a good sense of humor. She was hitting all the marks in what I looked for in a girl and I was enjoying every second we talked. My heart passively went aflutter. A beautiful woman inside and out. Dare I say, I was even close to asking her out or something.
Unfortunately, I know it wasn't meant to be. 'cause she was travelling and, get this, I don't know very much about her. So her stay in the state, let alone the city I reside, was fleeting. Moments after I realized this, I put her postcards in a small bag, print out her receipt and sent her off. We exchanged prior that Czechoslovakia was much like the state and that I should go there someday. I remark "You know what? I will, as soon as I get over my fear of being in an airplane." She replied that it's like being on a train and I respond with "Well, yeah, if the train could fly high in the air." And it was met with a giggle-laugh.
And just like that, my shift rounded off with a bright light as I smiled from ear to ear. She really did light my day up, you have no idea. I was having a bit of a shitty day. Yet she was the light at the end of my tunnel. In reality, she was only an illusion of a light and the tunnel just proceeded after it.
To counter this feeling of rejection one day later, I reason with myself that she's like got an SO back home, is married, or is a lesbian and I deal with the depression for the rest of the day. After all was said and done however, I wish she was the one. And so the search to quench my thirst continues...
I also wish I didn't have this mindset to begin with.
---
So, our country was issued to stay inside, limit interactions, and close any and all public facilities. My job is closed until the 31st and I have a less-than-ideal pay coming in a couple days. So, I'm opening commissions indefinitely. If you're at all interested, please browse my gallery, visit my standalone webpage located in my description, and send me a note!
