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New Decade, New Me
3 weeks ago
General
Well, not really a new decade, more like a decade-and-a-quarter.
So, it's me again. I have something to admit, more-so to myself than anyone here. I don't feel like myself when I come back to this account, and I haven't felt like myself for a while now. One of the reasons I haven't been active anywhere is primarily because I still feel like the 18, 19-year-old upstart that got into a bunch of stuff with high-profile creators. I know why I went scorched earth, too, and it's going to be a surprise -- or not -- to many of you whom have stuck around this long.
I was deeply jealous.
I was deeply jealous of the artists that have carved out a path for themselves long before I even picked up a pen, including having a partner and being able to balance their personal and professional lives in a way that, while I find it questionable at worst nowadays, I find respectable on some level. But it was because of this jealousy that I've entered into relationships that were rushed and rocky (21st birthday not withstanding), and eventually found myself staring down the barrel of some prominent names that I've once respected, and still do to this day, which is rich coming from the same guy that labelled many of them as having big egos. Yeah, I cringe about those old journals I posted on DeviantArt all those years ago under a since-deleted account because they never needed to exist. The fact that I did allow it to happen, and that it lives rent free in my head so many years later still hurts me on a fundamental level.
I created these accounts in 2015 to pursue a dream. And then, for one reason or another unrelated one, I squandered that because I couldn't keep from posting those scathing journals I once viewed as "doing everyone a favor". And I've suffered for it, never reconciling with myself for it after all this time.
The biggest reason for me making this is so I can finally find that spark I once had to just start drawing for the sake of it again, and the only way I can think of to begin that process is by attacking the rot at the source.
By writing this entry out, I'm making a declaration that I am no longer ThatAnthroGamer from a decade ago. This is a new chapter in my life, and a new chapter begins with a new name -- JustMyke. My hope is that I can finally get right back to it again, and that many of you will be along for the ride.
So, it's me again. I have something to admit, more-so to myself than anyone here. I don't feel like myself when I come back to this account, and I haven't felt like myself for a while now. One of the reasons I haven't been active anywhere is primarily because I still feel like the 18, 19-year-old upstart that got into a bunch of stuff with high-profile creators. I know why I went scorched earth, too, and it's going to be a surprise -- or not -- to many of you whom have stuck around this long.
I was deeply jealous.
I was deeply jealous of the artists that have carved out a path for themselves long before I even picked up a pen, including having a partner and being able to balance their personal and professional lives in a way that, while I find it questionable at worst nowadays, I find respectable on some level. But it was because of this jealousy that I've entered into relationships that were rushed and rocky (21st birthday not withstanding), and eventually found myself staring down the barrel of some prominent names that I've once respected, and still do to this day, which is rich coming from the same guy that labelled many of them as having big egos. Yeah, I cringe about those old journals I posted on DeviantArt all those years ago under a since-deleted account because they never needed to exist. The fact that I did allow it to happen, and that it lives rent free in my head so many years later still hurts me on a fundamental level.
I created these accounts in 2015 to pursue a dream. And then, for one reason or another unrelated one, I squandered that because I couldn't keep from posting those scathing journals I once viewed as "doing everyone a favor". And I've suffered for it, never reconciling with myself for it after all this time.
The biggest reason for me making this is so I can finally find that spark I once had to just start drawing for the sake of it again, and the only way I can think of to begin that process is by attacking the rot at the source.
By writing this entry out, I'm making a declaration that I am no longer ThatAnthroGamer from a decade ago. This is a new chapter in my life, and a new chapter begins with a new name -- JustMyke. My hope is that I can finally get right back to it again, and that many of you will be along for the ride.
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